How do you dress? What is your 'style'?

[beatrixpotterspencil]

I've often been confused about my own, and wonder how common this is.

Lived in a place with harsh weather for many years and lived in hiking leggings and north face, base layers, waterproofs, etc. Never had to think much about it but to be honest I din't like the 'style' of it. I hate tight clothes and most of it was clingy and blockish looking because it was more practical than pretty, iyswim?

In recent years I have moved, and live somewhere less demanding. I can dress how I like now. But finding what I want is often tricky. I love skirts, natural fibres, wool knits, but still wear my docs as I do adore boots.

But I sometimes get it really wrong, and I wonder if my clothes suit me (DP and friends always compliment my stuff but surely they would haha!). I don't like run of the mill so don't do jeans or leggings, and feel comfy and happy in skirts/dresses/tights and a lovely, long tweed coat.....but I don't really know what truly suits me. How can I tell?
I am very slim, decent hair (blond) and average height, so people might simply say I can wear what I like but it don't think such 'attributes' mean much at the end of the day. I am confident enough but just bizarrely confused, i think.
I am torn between thinking I ought to just wear practical (leggings and a nice top, boring anorak) things that don't excite me but just do their job - and wanting things that I love but often get wrong (online shopping, uuurgh).

Every few years I scrap my style and try something else, but always go back. I certainly can overthink it, which is mostly enjoyable, but often irritating.

How do you people feel about your 'style', and what is it that determines how you dress? Is it mostly for practical reasons or do you have particular interest in certain types of stuff?
Are you happy with how you dress, and how would you describe it?

Apologies for long, whiny, first world problem type post!

Vintage. 60s/70s style mainly. I dont do fast fashion. Dislike jeans, although I dont mind a well-cut pair. Leggings and jeggings are awful, they never make a woman look good. Ankle boots, long boots. Ankle strap shoes and sandals to go with dresses. Long wool coats, military style they look glam. I love hats too and have many.

OP just wear what you want, whatever you feel good and attractive and comfortable in. I think you determine your own style but maybe you need a couple of sessions with a personal shopper.

My fave charcoal cashmere makes me look like death warmed up.

Try a scarf, so the cashmere colour isn't directly next to your skin. Try a jacket or something else on top, to break it up so the problem colour is smaller in the overall picture.

I cross posted with you before. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your ability, you can see it, when it happens. You need to trust yourself and continue the experiments. You'll get there.

To add, the scarf colours will need to work with both the cashmere and your skin and it's style will need to work with your outfit.

Like is the rest of your life is fucked up so you've lost faith in your ability to dress yourself, deciding to fixate on that to avoid addressing the real issues, or what?

I don't know what to say. I have really enjoyed chatting on this thread as i dont talk about clothes much in everyday life. I've been candid and perhaps should have had a wee bit more reserve. But this quote seems a bit harsh??
I am genuinely confused between what i love and whether it actually suits me. I have also made a few mistakes with purchases recently that has got me down. But I have no idea why this might suggest my life is fucked up

I appreciate everything else you have shared and advised..genuinely.

@beatrixpotterspencil

Like is the rest of your life is fucked up so you've lost faith in your ability to dress yourself, deciding to fixate on that to avoid addressing the real issues, or what?

I don't know what to say. I have really enjoyed chatting on this thread as i dont talk about clothes much in everyday life. I've been candid and perhaps should have had a wee bit more reserve. But this quote seems a bit harsh??
I am genuinely confused between what i love and whether it actually suits me. I have also made a few mistakes with purchases recently that has got me down. But I have no idea why this might suggest my life is fucked up

I appreciate everything else you have shared and advised..genuinely.

Don't take it personally. Some people do this, that all. They have some huge problem they're ignoring and they fixate on something that doesn't really matter instead (and fret about that too instead of solving it, to put off solving the other stuff). There's nothing in your posts to suggest this, it was just an idea, if it doesn't apply then ignore it

Oh, the reason I mentioned it was because lots of people have given you ideas to try based on their own preferred style or like me gave more practical advice, but it seemed all you was trying to do was pigeon-hole yourself somehow, despite showing in later posts that you already had a lot of knowledge anyway without anyone's help, and I wondered why, and could it be a displacement activity. Like I said, I cross-posted with you, I hadn't read the one where you started to take action. Just I've come across it in people before and whilst I'm always happy to chat about anything with anyone, I don't want to waste time trying to actively help someone if they secretly deep down don't want the help, that's all. Or if I'm trying to help them with the wrong thing and being annoying or something, you know the way some people just like to moan but don't actually want a solution. No offence intended, just couldn't figure you out, until you posted above. It's been an interesting thread anyway, I've enjoyed reading about everyone's styles.

Im more disturbed that at my age i havent worked out what suits me yet!

It takes me a while to part with money, and i have royal screwed up with a few items this month. One of them was quite expensive and the quality poor - it is the frustration.

Other than that, i tend to enjoy overthinking clothes. It is a nice distraction generally. I think that i am fairly self aware, and whilst currently struggling with my painting (art) and still grieving the loss of a parent, I don't really think I have transferred this to my wardrobe. My curious inability to get my shit together with clothes is too despairingly long term for that

No worries.

Hey, but I will admit i have recently wondered why i perceive myself as i do, clothes-wise. Perhaps i am under-confident and don't know it?

This thread was sparked by a chat with my friend who said she always thought I slunk into shadows and 'dressed down' as if i wanted to hide. I do believe there is something in that, and would love to explore it. Psychologically, perhaps I could do with being kinder to myself, stepping out of the humble, murky world of shadowy greys that seem not to suit me..! Who knows.

It could just be practicalities? I don't know how long you lived in the fells but if you didn't have the opportunity to experiment when younger then you're maybe going to feel left behind compared to those that did. I guess it's like when some people are in mum-zone for years and not focused on style at all. Sometimes too how we display ourselves isn't how we feel but that we're unaware of the image we project. Maybe you hunch over because of years of watching the floor making sure you tread on the rock and not in the hole (if fells are like that)? Did you see the thread about the person succeeding with their capsule wardrobe? It's called something like "succeeding with elegance thanks to style and beauty". It wasn't about any particular style, the poster went right into how she did it and she buys expensive things she's happy with, so maybe there'd be some tips for you. Sorry if I've got the title wrong, I didn't comment so it's not on my watch list, but it was fascinating reading. I only just remembered it. Maybe someone else can confirm the title.

@ShineySparkleyChrissmassy

It could just be practicalities? I don't know how long you lived in the fells but if you didn't have the opportunity to experiment when younger then you're maybe going to feel left behind compared to those that did. I guess it's like when some people are in mum-zone for years and not focused on style at all. Sometimes too how we display ourselves isn't how we feel but that we're unaware of the image we project. Maybe you hunch over because of years of watching the floor making sure you tread on the rock and not in the hole (if fells are like that)? Did you see the thread about the person succeeding with their capsule wardrobe? It's called something like "succeeding with elegance thanks to style and beauty". It wasn't about any particular style, the poster went right into how she did it and she buys expensive things she's happy with, so maybe there'd be some tips for you. Sorry if I've got the title wrong, I didn't comment so it's not on my watch list, but it was fascinating reading. I only just remembered it. Maybe someone else can confirm the title.

No, i dont think it is any of these, i didnt grow up in the fells and have always messed around with clothes. My posture is much better now than in my teens. To simplify my issue: There are colours and styles that I am attracted to but I seem to experience a sort of mental block when applying them to myself. I have no idea why.

The skirts......of course i didnt expect them to succumb to magical intent, but I will let you know if it works!

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Sadly this thread has become too much about me, when I was also interested in hearing how other people felt about their preferred styles and how they went about it. So much great advice is much appreciated, so thanks to all who gave tips, I am going to put some into action!

The problem with the skirts could probably be easily and fairly cheaply solved by a tailor/seamstress. With fast fashion we’ve got used to grabbing stuff off the peg and expecting it to work whereas my mum expects to hem, tuck and tweak the fit of everything (and has the skills to do so - sadly she didn’t pass these down). Stuff looks a million times better if it fits you right.

Aww good luck OP - your source if solace in all of this is that you are gorgeous and would look good in a bin bag
I'm sorry if I confused you more about colours - I think the poster who linked to Clear Spring is on the money - there's that canary yellow that looks so good on you

This thread has really made me think about my style. I worry I''m dressing now based on how I looked in my twenties. I was never "pretty" so went for that kind of hard nosed clubbing look - lots of black, dramatic shapes, leather etc. I realise that I still follow that mantra, albeit a softer version. I think I really want to be "pretty" but feel that it's not attainable for me so I don't try. So I carry on being "edgy". The problem is at 49, I'm not sure how many years I have left!

I dress myself like I dress my house.
Clean lines, classic shapes, natural materials, plain colours more on the neutral side of things (grey, camel, navy).
I buy mainly from Boden, Jigsaw and Hobbs.
I like to think I dress a little bit French I'm sure I'm deluded!

My style for work is 7/8 trousers, either black or checked/print or a line skirts with merino men's jumpers with brogues/ trainers mixed up with jewellery.

For weekends it's mom jeans or dungarees, sweatshirts, fair isle jumpers, loose dresses and trainers.

Going out I wear blazers and heels and sometimes dresses.

Make up has evolved as I've aged and involves a stronger lip colour and more blusher.

I'm pretty happy with my style as it's me! I have now accepted that I don't really get along with women's jumpers unless oversize, boxy jackets, boots and skinny jeans!

I've never been good at having a style or knowing what suits me. I don't even know if I am warm or cool (blonde, green eyes, pale but skin tans and I have red hints in my hair). I mostly wear blue or grey with some greens and purples. I don't think black suits me but it's so easy. I can't bear browns, orange or yellow.

I want to love plain, well-cut, Danish architect clothes but I am always drawn to pattern and have a supermarket budget. I have so many clothes but often feel I have "nothing to wear". I see individual items that I like or get a hankering for something (recently a puffer coat) but have no sense of how it all works together.

For work (teacher) I wear knee-length dresses and tights with boots, or black trousers and a top with slip on shoes. Both with a soft jacket or cardigan. I like a v neck and often choose a notch-neck top with a vest underneath. I wear long sleeves as I have an arm tattoo that I am self-conscious about.

Outside of work it's jeans, a boring top and hoody/cardi. I feel really weird if I "dress up" ie wear anything other than jeans.

I've struggled with my weight over the years and in many ways my aim in dressing is to make my body invisible, although I still go for the damn patterns!

Currently I'm a size 12-14 on top and 14-16 bottom. I've lost a lot of weight so have just sent a whole load of size 20-24 stuff to charity. I'd love to find a new lease of style but I do need to lose more weight so I can't spend heaps.

Anyway I can sympathise OP with feeling like you're not certain of yourself or your style even though having written it down I can see that I do have preferences.

OP, I love your thread, it’s a topic I love to discuss, I enjoy looking at other people’s style out and about and this thread is like that but with their insights too. It’s given me new ideas as well. Please ignore sneery comments.

Fwiw I haven’t enjoyed getting dressed for the past month as we’ve had covid followed by other bugs, the house is a tip, I’ve been mostly stuck in trying to catch up with work and had no time to think about it. There are times like that for most people, when other things come first. Having a new baby, being ill, doing up a new house, whatever. There’s nothing wrong with not being sure of your style, abandoning stylishness for a while, experimenting with something new.

And you know what else, I think people are sneery about style/fashion because it’s seen as something women are into and therefore trivial. But we care how our homes look, architecture, design, art and so on are not seen as trivial. We understand design has a big impact on lives and on how we feel. And I think with clothes and personal style, that’s true for most people. Take a very normally dressed man in jeans and a shirt and try to tell him to wear other stuff, a bright colour, a frock coat. He’d probably refuse because his style does matter to him, how his clothes say who he is. Even if he’s “unstylish”.

Of course anything can go too far, no one should be bankrupting themselves to buy designer trainers etc. But that doesn’t mean it’s just a silly distraction.

Thanks for starting the thread and don’t be scared away!

With fast fashion we’ve got used to grabbing stuff off the peg and expecting it to work whereas my mum expects to hem, tuck and tweak the fit of everything (and has the skills to do so - sadly she didn’t pass these down).

ohrosalind I’m the same, I alter almost everything, as I’m tall and pear shaped things often need a tweak, or I change the colour, add a trim or whatever. Could you ask your mum to teach you her skills now? If not, there are loads of YouTube tutorials and books that can get you into it.

OhRosalind A good idea, I know that if i sold my favourite skirt I would regret it, it is worth slight alteration if nothing else. It is strange, getting used to new shapes, after yrs of living in leggings. A long swishy skirt 'seems' odd but it really isn't, is it?

JMAngel1 Thank you :) What matters is whether YOU are satisfied with how you dress. It is nonetheless interesting to work out why we do what we do, which gives us more power to change it, if we want to. And why should 'soft/dramatic' or dressing with an edge not be adaptable as we grow older? It's a combination that sounds fascinating to me, I would love to see examples of it, too!

OfMinceAndMen Well you sound satisfied and that is the end goal! I hadn't thought about interiors, and this is now making me more conscious of the fact that in recent years I have gone the opposite way - i used to be very white walls-scandi obsessed, tidy, almost ocd level minimalism (and that was fine!) but in recent years my old bohemianism has returned and Morris & Co is my fave search whilst browsing john lewis . I want some patterned textiles and thick drapes and to bring my many books back into the centre of my space to gather & collect some dust!

LordoftheDanceSaidHe This is good to hear, you sound quite fluid with your approach, it takes some knowing to achieve that.

MsJuniper I relate to a lot of what you are saying, especially about knowing what you want and then not being able to put it together once you have it. I do wonder why we feel so strongly about jeans (love or hate), why is it considered 'dressing up' if we don't wear them??

MrsMadderRose Thank you. Felt like a bit of a surreal steamrolling there at times! You seem to get what I'm talking about! Excellent points regarding how style matters to us even when we insist it doesn't/shouldn't. It does tie in with how we feel though, more than we'd let on.
I hope you are all feeling better at home now.

You’re right, @MrsMadderRose, those skills are definitely worth having, and I should make the effort to learn. It’s such a different fashion landscape compared to when my mum was young and making your own clothes was the only way to get fashionable stuff on a budget, so I was always too lazy to bother to learn dressmaking. But in the last few years I’ve really come to appreciate the importance of tailoring. I’m petite and short waisted and almost everything is better tweaked. I remember reading that it was Kate Miss’ number one tip, she even gets her T-shirts adjusted. It’s an important step towards wearing your clothes rather than them wearing you, I think.

@beatrixpotterspencil I think anything can feel odd if you’re stepping outside your comfort zone or normal wardrobe, it just takes a bit of getting used to it so you feel comfortable. But I think you should trust your instincts if you’re really drawn to an item or look, style should be about pleasing ourselves.

@beatrixpotterspencil, sorry to take time to reply... to your direct question: a watch cap is a US Navy term for a tight-fitted knitted hat that is rolled two or three times to just above your ears.

I have glanced over the other responses to your questions about why you feel your style fails. I can't answer exactly, but you are slim and petite and actively fit, so you should be able to wear almost anything you'd like to wear. Without being preachy or fashion-y, clothes need to be practical for your life first and foremost: you need to be warm, dry and comfortable. For me, it starts with jeans, T shirts, shirts and jumpers that fit and flatter your body, even if the style is not totally in vogue. Style begins after that, and depends on what you like aesthetically.......... so, cheap jewellery is a good starter, because it lets you understand what makes you look and feel good.... what reflects light on to your face... how earrings can balance the picture, preferably without tangling in your hair or catching on your collar which is just uncomfortable and annoying... I am very fond of some old Tesco huggie earrings (3 pairs for £12... in gold, silver and black), and a couple of orphan earrings I wear as a non-pair. When you find something that you like, wear it a while and if you still like it, buy a better version of the same thing.

Shoes, in my eye, define fashionable more than anything once you are over 40. Your body is what you have to work with, so you dress it for fit and flattery, but it is easy to settle into a rut (I've worn the same stuff for 20 years). Shoes (and colour) are the factors that take your look from okay to now to wow. And specs, too, if you have to wear them. Shoes and specs need to be comfortable and flattering, and as ruthlessly fashionable as you can bear and afford, and need discarding once they look tired or boring. IMVHO, both shoes and specs need to be reconsidered every three years. Obviously this doesn't apply to wellies or running shoes which are functional. And naturally, you can wear anything you please. I struggle with occasion wear though, and usually get it a bit wrong. As @OhRosalind says, a good tailor/seamstress is invaluable.

I have a very simple style, no frills, flounces or flowery prints . I have two distinct wardrobes for Autumn/winter and for Spring / summer with separate colour schemes .

I have similar colouring to OP and suit 'summer colours'. I could never wear yellow , ochre, red, orange . My summer wardrobe is mainly different shades of blue, some turquoise, some white.

In my winter wardrobe I look like an older, fatter version of OP in her puffer jacket, leggings and boots! All my winter 'bottoms' are black and tops/ dresses mainly shades of grey, particularly silver grey, a bit of blue or green.

So - thick tights with a jumper or shirt dress (above knee)
Leggings or skinny jeans with big jumper or shirt
Straight jeans or joggers with hoodie or more fitted sweater .

Footwear ankle boots, chunky boots, or trainers .

I wear slightly different styles in summer but still very simple shapes, block colours or stripes, no flounces .

@beatrixpotterspencil
Im more disturbed that at my age i havent worked out what suits me yet!

I don't think there is one style that suits us all the way through our lives . As we age our body shape changes and so does our skin and hair tone . Plus without meaning to we will always be influenced by current fashion on whether we think something suits us or not ! Eg how many people initially thought skinny jeans didn't suit them, but are now thinking exactly the same about wide legs/ barrel legs etc.

I totally get what you say OP (I think)

My style needs changing. I always had my own style, or so I thought, as “feminine but also a bit tough”

This suited me in the 90s and noughties, but now I am 50 surely I can no longer stick with the girly mini dress paired with DMs or biker boots, and a leather jacket

I desperately need a new style, but don’t know where to start

@MarleneDietrichsSmile - do you want a whole new look? Or do you just want to update your current style with a few adjustments?

Maybe you could mix your existing rock chick clothes with more classic items. So you can still wear your DMs ripped jeans, band t shirt and leather jacket, just not all at once.

What about an above the knee knitted dress with opaque tights and your Docs and leather jacket ?

Or the boots or trainers , plain black jeans , plain jumper / top , big wool scarf and your jacket ?

The girly mini dress might be a challenge - would it work with boots , black tights or leggings and a more classy coat or jacket ( not denim or leather )?

Maybe you can find a way to express a tough femininity that is womanly and not girly? I think girly is hard to pull off at our age TBH.

Does that make sense? Apologies if I have misunderstood your style .

Thanks, yes, those are all good suggestions. Am going to experiment a bit in the sales (after Christmas)

I still have the same figure I had at 20 (massive brag, shoot me now, sorry sorry, I do work for that though ) but definitely an old girl’s face

Love the idea of knitted dresses

Went out yesterday in polka dot dress with biker boots, my friends said I looked nice. Secretly I wish I dressed like my friend who wore leather leggings and a beautiful silk blouse.

She looked great