I don't look like I think I do

[tinkywinkyshandbag]

Went to London for a family day out yesterday (rare). I wore trainers, some cargo type trousers I recently bought from M&S, a t shirt and a denim jacket. I had my hair freshly washed and make up on. In my head I looked practical but kind of trendy and cute. I caught sight of myself in some shop windows and OMG I looked a short fat frumpy hideous mess. Spent the rest of the day feeling horrible about myself. Anyone else have this problem? I'm not sure there's a solution other than to lose 4 stone and gain 6 inches in height. What would you suggest for a day out that is practical and comfortable but also reasonably stylish?

Can't help with the suggestions, but can sympathise- have also fallen for that "but who is that middle aged woman carrying a bit of chub in practical clothing in the shop window? Feck it's me" horror.

I know the solution is to shift just 1 more kg, ideally from my belly. And wear dresses (I look better in floaty clothing that skims). Also to actually style my hair (currently sporting an air dried mop which is perfectly ok but not great).

Essentially I need to make effort, which I cant be arsed with day to day then don't like the result.

God, I can so sympathise. Same with photos

I find it's best not to look too much at reflective surfaces, and just go by what I think I look like, especially if it is better 😏

But I don't avoid photos, they are for the people who love me.

Oh god yes. This is me. I avoid mirrors and reflective surfaces generally now

Don't trust shop windows to tell you what you look like. It's like looking at yourself in the back of a spoon and complaining about having a big nose.

Oh god this is me... I go out feeling good and then catch a glimpse of myself and think 'urghhhhh'

Many of us have had this moment. It's harsh but not the end of the world.
Losing weight is a good start, in the meantime decent underwear, a sharp haircut and a nice dress will do you right. You can still wear your trainers and denim jacket.
I'm assuming you're over 40? I know they are not for everyone but I swear by a subtle lip filler.

Cargo pants are the spawn of the devil imho

@ThePlantsitter

Don't trust shop windows to tell you what you look like. It's like looking at yourself in the back of a spoon and complaining about having a big nose.

Exactly this. Honestly if you felt good - and your outfit sounds great - then I bet you did.

Windows & similar totally distort us. And as women we see ourselves entirely differently to how others do.

Please feel happy that you felt good & had a good day.

I think most people have this to a certain extent.

Thing is, I look at photos of myself in my 20s when I was a slender, toned bag of insecurities and am stunned by how good I looked.

So when I look at photos of myself now and wonder who the elderly hippopotamus wearing my clothes is, I comfort myself with the idea that when I'm 60 I'll look back and think I was stunning.

This! I feel your pain OP.
When I go out I generally feel nice, quite trendy and then someone will take a photo and I just can’t believe in the same person that I see in the photo. It’s really wrecked my confidence

I went out for Sunday lunch last week with my dd9 I looked in the mirror before we left and thought I looked quite nice, she took a secret pic of me at the pub on my iPhone and I looked hideous, red faced, sweaty and ugly! I was so upset, why does the mirror lie to me ?!

I don't like myself in photos. With my siblings who are all tall, I feel short & dumpy, with a wide face.

However I know this isn't true! I'm slim, exercise & have a good figure. I wear nice clothes & am attractive, I believe and am told.

I hate photos tho. My mum is the same. She will decry every photo of herself & say what a fat heap she is etc. However I look at the photo & think she looks lovely.

So, be careful of deciding you need any major overhaul. The easiest thing to do is check things factually. Are you overweight? If you are, sure, good to do something.

If you are not, ignore the feeling from the reflection in the mirror.

I still look like I did as a teenager in my head, sometimes I do wonder who that mumsy looking lady following me in reflections is.

I found losing weight helped me look a lot better, as I’m quite short I find it hard to look good in clothes when I’m carrying a bit extra. Still got a bit to go but I’m getting there! Also I think trying everything on, and making sure everything I wear is comfortable and well fitted.

@FreezerBird

I think most people have this to a certain extent.

Thing is, I look at photos of myself in my 20s when I was a slender, toned bag of insecurities and am stunned by how good I looked.

So when I look at photos of myself now and wonder who the elderly hippopotamus wearing my clothes is, I comfort myself with the idea that when I'm 60 I'll look back and think I was stunning.

I certainly do. And yes, when I look back at younger me, who was so self-conscious and hated the way she looked, I just wonder 'Why?'

@OverByYer

This! I feel your pain OP. When I go out I generally feel nice, quite trendy and then someone will take a photo and I just can’t believe in the same person that I see in the photo. It’s really wrecked my confidence

I do get this. I really hate myself for it. Cos I know Iook well, I'll have been told so. I'll decide my arms look fat ... but I know they don't as I work out & they are not.

It's such a pity as I end up dreading photos.

I think it's very common. My SIL who is truly beautiful and has amazing style freaked over a photo of her with my DBro & her baby. It was a stunning photo, one I'm going to frame. She hated herself & said her arms were fat.

I wish we weren't like this, as women!

And then sometimes when random photos of me are taken eg on a walk when I'm scruffy with no make up, I love them. It's the posed ones!

I was so upset, why does the mirror lie to me ?!

I really don't think it does tho!

It's us, our insecurities that distort the photo in our minds eye.

How else would there be all these photos that others think are gorgeous but we think are frightful?

The only solutions I have ever found to this are:

#1 Makeup, of sufficient coverage that if I get hot I won't look like a beetroot and a powder compact in my handbag for touchups throughout the day, to prevent shine and stop the makeup sliding off my face if it starts to melt. I don't fuss with makeup it takes me 5min to do: foundation applied with fingers, one colour eyeshadow on lids applied with a brush, mascara, tinted lip balm, with powder in my bag for later (there's always plain lip balm in my bag too). There's nothing wrong with my natural face/skin but if I don't want to look a hot, tired, sweaty, greasy mess halfway through the day then I need makeup.

#2 A critical look front and back view in a full length mirror in natural daylight before leaving, including adding coat and bag once the outfit is right. So many times I think clothes will look great laid out on the bed and mostly I'm right but there's a significant proportion where I put them on and think Nope! Sometimes it's not the outfit that needs tweaking but the hair (there's 4 hairstyles I use and each takes 5min to do)/makeup style (which for me just means lipstick instead of balm or changing the eyeshadow colour) or bag/coat/shoes, if these don't quite match the outfit. It's not even an age thing, I found the same in my teens/20's, if the whole outfit/accessories/hairstyle etc doesn't quite work together then the whole thing somehow looks wrong and frumpy. It still only takes me 5min to get dressed in the morning because I leave my clean clothes in outfits instead of arranging by tops/trousers/dresses etc. So once I've sussed it out the first time its done and all I have to remember is which coat/hairstyle etc I need for this outfit.

I thought I looked alright in my new green biker jacket. Unfortunately, it turns out I looked like Shrek.

Oh yes, I have had this a lot.. however, in my opinion , the worst experience is when I switch my phone’s camera on and it is accidentally in selfie mode: always makes me leap back in horror

I can totally sympathise with this.

I make an effort to eat well and take care of myself. I look after my skin. I wear what I consider to be nice, well-fitting clothes. I'm a size 12. However when I look at photos of myself I see a chubby, wide mess. It's confidence-shattering.

As others have said, for me it's weight that really makes a difference. I'm making an effort to slim down and this is helping how I feel about myself.

Omg this is me.

Had some important do for dd this week and I really didn't want pics taken of me.

Put on what I thought made me look more slender after a 2 stone weight gain in two years and my god I saw the pics and cringed.

It's actually made me really sad to be honest.

Peri menopausal and thyroid issues have given me dry skin weight gain and more grey hairs that if I could be arsed would colour every three weeks

Def friend took a pic of me randomly and sent it to me after the do and I literally have a moon in face where I've gained so much weight.

I recoiled at that pic

Self care for myself has gone out the window as with many I guess working full time with dc and lots of other things on so I made a pact with myself to get back into long distance waking again and stop shovelling crap in my mouth and to get bak to my good skin care routine I had.

In the mirror I frighten myself with how much older my skin looks and dull

I have a wardrobe full of funky use clothes but they don't fit comfortably and I feel like a barrel in most of the things I wear right now.

It does affect your mental health more than you realise so from Monday I'm bak on it

I’ve had this happen to me, too. Saw myself in a reflection at the supermarket on the way home from work - assumed it was someone else as it wasn’t how I thought I looked. Years ago and I still remember the fright I got and how bad I felt after.

I am short and dumpy. I find dresses are much better than trousers. Linen or cotton dress with flat sliders/sandals for a summer’s day out. I avoid ankle straps as they cut off my legs. Also tan sandals are nice.

Cargoes are not flattering for many of us. I agree with the back of spoon comment, so please don’t feel too bad. Take selfies of yourself at home and you can recover from this.

I don't know how I have EVER pulled a bloke! I'm hideous in photos and videos. WTF?

I totally sympathise. The other day I had on mom jeans, high tops and an oversized tucked in t shirt. I thought I looked good but I actually looked in the reflective surface beside the cash machines and I looked a lot like Michael j fox in back to the future, albeit with long blonde hair.

It’s made my seriously question my current look that I actually thought was good.