I don't look like I think I do

[tinkywinkyshandbag]

Went to London for a family day out yesterday (rare). I wore trainers, some cargo type trousers I recently bought from M&S, a t shirt and a denim jacket. I had my hair freshly washed and make up on. In my head I looked practical but kind of trendy and cute. I caught sight of myself in some shop windows and OMG I looked a short fat frumpy hideous mess. Spent the rest of the day feeling horrible about myself. Anyone else have this problem? I'm not sure there's a solution other than to lose 4 stone and gain 6 inches in height. What would you suggest for a day out that is practical and comfortable but also reasonably stylish?

Hell yes OP, at home the only mirror I have is a tiny makeup mirror and my imagination.
I go out thinking I look fab and on the occasion I make the mistake of walking towards a full length mirror or going to the hairdresser I almost have a heart attack.

I crumble every time I accidentally catch myself in a shop window. The rest of the time though I feel ok as I no longer use a full length mirror at home for my own sanity

Yep, been there. For me it is only ever about weight though. If I catch sight if myself and think I look slimmer than I expect (because I'm in a good eating/exercise phase), then I don’t even remotely notice whether my clothes are frumpy or nice, or what my hair looks like. Likewise, when I see myself in a photo, all I tend to focus on is how fat/slim I look. Which is a bit sad really.

It's the fucking weight. It makes everything look so bloody FRUMPY!! I'm starting the mumsnet low carb bootcamp on Monday. I felt so nice on a rare night out last night, there are hardly any pics of me so I asked dh to take one. Fookin hell

@Beachlovingirl

I totally sympathise. The other day I had on mom jeans, high tops and an oversized tucked in t shirt. I thought I looked good but I actually looked in the reflective surface beside the cash machines and I looked a lot like Michael j fox in back to the future, albeit with long blonde hair.

It’s made my seriously question my current look that I actually thought was good.

Looking like Michael J Fox 😂

It reminds me of this wonderful mumsnet thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/4138148-I-bought-a-white-coat-in-the-sales-to-look-like-Olivia-Pope-but-I-actually-resemble-a-middle-aged-taekwando-instructor?pg=1

Ah, feel for you OP. I feel like this regularly but never for long enough to make the effort to lose weight.

I have bought a couple of pieces to make me feel a little more bearable in the meantime, including this which I have had so many compliments with. www.esprit.co.uk/p/jersey-midi-dress-in-100--organic-cotton-041CC1E302.html#cgid=1224

Personally I rarely look good in trousers (only wide legged) and better in dresses and skirts. 5'3" and size 14.

I don't think you should be buying clothes from m&s for a start. I think even when I'm in my 80's I won't be setting foot in there for clothes!

@user1494055864

I don't think you should be buying clothes from m&s for a start. I think even when I'm in my 80's I won't be setting foot in there for clothes!

I agree with this. There is nothing that reduces me to tears quicker than standing in a m&s changing room.... I still have regular meltdowns but working out what colours suit me (I had my colours done) and working out which shops work (Uniqlo) have transformed my attitude to clothes.

Now for the weight loss. Did someone say low carb bootcamp?!

I definitely agree, but also find it works the other way too I.e. I think l look awful in something and it looks OK, but I don't feel comfortable in it and keep doubting how it looks.

This just sums up the difference between men and women. I want to cry when I catch myself in a reflection where as the DH sucks in his stomach and carries on with a jaunty spring in his step.

I feel your pain.
(I'm sure your lovely op)
I'm mid 50s and my mirror lies all the time.
I've never been an ' oil painting ' but lately it's getting worse. I find buying clothes hard and have never discovered which clothes flatter me at all!
It's easy for people to say it doesn't matter, but it does. Winter is great as I can wear a big coat and cover it all up.

I feel this so hard. I feel good at the moment. Possibly better than ever, energy-wise. Hrt has helped. But when I look in the mirror I see a devastated, melting, porridge avalanche

Haircut and figure totally change an outfit. My pretty or on-trend outfits look frumpy on me, but on my lithe 15 year old daughter they look as I had imagined they would look on me! This wake-up call has stopped me binning clothes I thought were not as nice as I had hoped, because underneath the outfit is a middle aged lumpy person with flat hair- it's not the clothes at all!

I look dreadful in all photos but I think I look fairly normal in the mirror. It's weird because I could take a mirror selfie pic and look dreadful on camera. I don't get it!

I still allow pictures of myself though. I just remind myself they will be important to my children when I am dead and gone.

& I also think about this silly post from tumblr!

I'm the same @BigFatMoonHead, I can feel ok in the mirror, in fact I think I have Body Eumorphia (just invented)! But then an unexpected reflection chills me to the bone! Or the horror of the headressers' mirror: seeing my own features painted on a potato that's been balanced on a nylon swathed bean bag!

@FlosCampi

I'm the same *@BigFatMoonHead*, I can feel ok in the mirror, in fact I think I have Body Eumorphia (just invented)! But then an unexpected reflection chills me to the bone! Or the horror of the headressers' mirror: seeing my own features painted on a potato that's been balanced on a nylon swathed bean bag!

Yeah, I think you have just perfectly described me to be honest!

Hairdressers mirror is the worst, they must all use those funhouse ones that warp and distort because I definitely look a like person in my bathroom mirror. Well, most of the time.

I don't think it is you that is the problem.

I think either the outfit was too casual for a trip to London, or the items colour's do not compliment each other.

I do not think cargo trousers, a tshirt, and a denim jacket is trendy.

I hope I have not hurt your feelings, but I believe with the right clothes you could feel a lot better about yourself.

Perhaps you could start a new thread, specifying your height, weight, hair colour, best and worst parts of your body etc, and we could suggest outfits to highlight your best assets.

Please change the word weight to dress size

@wtfisgoingonhere21

Omg this is me.

Had some important do for dd this week and I really didn't want pics taken of me.

Put on what I thought made me look more slender after a 2 stone weight gain in two years and my god I saw the pics and cringed.

It's actually made me really sad to be honest.

Peri menopausal and thyroid issues have given me dry skin weight gain and more grey hairs that if I could be arsed would colour every three weeks

Def friend took a pic of me randomly and sent it to me after the do and I literally have a moon in face where I've gained so much weight.

I recoiled at that pic

Self care for myself has gone out the window as with many I guess working full time with dc and lots of other things on so I made a pact with myself to get back into long distance waking again and stop shovelling crap in my mouth and to get bak to my good skin care routine I had.

In the mirror I frighten myself with how much older my skin looks and dull

I have a wardrobe full of funky use clothes but they don't fit comfortably and I feel like a barrel in most of the things I wear right now.

It does affect your mental health more than you realise so from Monday I'm bak on it

Are you me!! This is me too

I had this last weekend - I left for a party thinking I looked fab - spent ages getting ready.
In the photos I looked completely washed out despite having makeup on and my hair was shapeless. My under eye area was the worst - somehow baggy eyed and skeletal at the same time.
I was in a bad mood until Thursday!
Now I'm wearing way more makeup (bronzer, eyeliner and a darker lipstick) and stopped putting styling gel in my hair so it has more volume.
Scared to take another photo though

Nothings bring me down to earth faster than accidentally flipping the camera on my phone. Who the actual fuck is THAT?

I’ve also realised I should not sit down on photos as I look a bit Jabba. Must remember to elongate

I've been avoiding mirrors when out as I know I'm frumpy, mainly due to an extra stone. Couldn't avoid feeling shit though when a shop assistant blatantly stared me up and down when I entered a shop though. I checked in a mirror - chinos that were fine-ish when I left home were bagged out, I hadn't ironed my t-shirt...I did look a bit of a mess.

It's hard to keep trying though when you know your weight means you don't look your best.

Back in winter, I bought a new coat (furry, long line, dark blue) a good colour and nice fitting, showcased my legs brilliantly. I wore it to work once. I got a double take and a whoa off two men on my way in. Then they saw it was me and made a face like oh it's just that old fat ugly woman who works here. I've not worn the bloody coat since. Such a shame , I felt glorious in it, but it's still me inside the coat and I'm no spring chicken anymore and not pretty anymore. Sigh. I feel you OP.

@Beachlovingirl

I totally sympathise. The other day I had on mom jeans, high tops and an oversized tucked in t shirt. I thought I looked good but I actually looked in the reflective surface beside the cash machines and I looked a lot like Michael j fox in back to the future, albeit with long blonde hair.

It’s made my seriously question my current look that I actually thought was good.

If it’s any consolation I would fancy the fuck out of you if it’s an accurate comparison.

This is definitely a shop window issue OP, they’re nasty fuckers. Even worse is when you wear a nice outfit and make an effort with your appearance to go shopping and try something on - you invariably hate yourself, hate the thing you’re trying on, and then also end up hating your own clothes when you put them back on.