I don't look like I think I do

[tinkywinkyshandbag]

Went to London for a family day out yesterday (rare). I wore trainers, some cargo type trousers I recently bought from M&S, a t shirt and a denim jacket. I had my hair freshly washed and make up on. In my head I looked practical but kind of trendy and cute. I caught sight of myself in some shop windows and OMG I looked a short fat frumpy hideous mess. Spent the rest of the day feeling horrible about myself. Anyone else have this problem? I'm not sure there's a solution other than to lose 4 stone and gain 6 inches in height. What would you suggest for a day out that is practical and comfortable but also reasonably stylish?

I feel your pain, my compatriots. I feel your pain. With me I reckon it’s just life and dear old Father Time. Like lots on this thread, I put effort into what I wear, skincare etc. Get all partied up, look in the mirror think yeah ‘that’s pas mal’ and in the photo yikes! Quelle horreur!
The worst is catching myself by surprise in a mirror. Sob. And then the flip side is that we have to be grateful for life and health etc. Talk about a bind!

Having said all of that I remember on hols 3 years ago, having a photo taken and saying ‘put that away, it’s horrific’. The phone threw up the memory the other day and I thought ‘not half bad at all’! At the time I was genuinely horrified. So maybe just take the photo. There will come a time it will look good.

@Congressdingo
Wear the coat!!!!

@CatherineTheNotSoGreat
This is true - it took me around a year to be ok to look at my wedding photos. Then I thought, wow, lovely.

I am followed around by a dumpy sweaty woman who scowls at me when I pass a window/mirror. Dunno who she is but if I was to be unkind I should say that getting her hair colour retouched would be a start.....

I'm afraid if I can get dressed and out the house,that's a win right now.
Personal shopper at John Lewis is good.

Elongate - brilliant!
PP - lady, wear your coat

I feel you.
I look in the mirror and don't think I look bad. Then see myself in a photo or reflection that day and I look bloody awful. It's like my face changes shape completely and my clothes morph from looking nice to frumpy.

Remembering the poster who felt cool as in her new leather jacket. Then caught a glimpse of herself, which she described as "Suzi Quattro's fat nan"

At 5 feet o inches and not the slimmest person ,I wear trousers and a top because I feel my best .It doesnt matter to impress others .Just go your own way! You will ace it!

Cargo trousers and loose T, paired with trainers is a comfy outfit (wearing it myself today, but would even make Kate Moss look short and chubby

It really is about the right clothes. Now that was easy to say, but not easy to do… as the clothes that look right also often are not brilliant to wear on a rainy/windy day.

I was wearing, what I thought, was a flattering and modern midi dress. The wind made it billow out and as I was slightly leaning forward I looked like I weighed 17 stone snd was about to give birth

Am “only” a size 12 and 6ft, yet I looked absolutely horrendous

Clothes are traitors

Mirrors are traitors

Photos are traitors

[quote JMAngel1]@Congressdingo
Wear the coat!!!!

@CatherineTheNotSoGreat
This is true - it took me around a year to be ok to look at my wedding photos. Then I thought, wow, lovely.[/quote]
PP - lady, wear your coat

Thank you kind posters, I shall wear the coat again when winter comes round.
I mean I did get an approving "woah" out of two men so I did in fact look as good as I thought.

This happens all the time! It's soo humbling 🤣🤣🤣

Tbh who hasn’t looked twice in mirror / shop window and thought shit I look awful. But then I’m 41 and wouldn’t wear cargo pants - remind me of the 90s. A similar outfit I’d wear is chinos (I have green) with them slightly rolled up, white trainers and navy t with white stripes. A cliche but still not looking like something out of the cotton traders catalogue. Make sure your clothes fit properly is something I heard once to avoid frumpy land.

Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.

Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?

It's probably the clothes. Too many people worry about following fashion instead of wearing what suits them. I don't know anyone who looks good in Mom jeans. Light denim is also pretty unflattering.

Personally, I know I look better in smarter, structured clothing to give me a nice shape. I like things like jeans and a tshirt to be comfortable if I'm outdoors. But I wouldn't be under illusions of looking good in it.

@toolazytothinkofausername

I don't think it is you that is the problem.

I think either the outfit was too casual for a trip to London, or the items colour's do not compliment each other.

I do not think cargo trousers, a tshirt, and a denim jacket is trendy.

I hope I have not hurt your feelings, but I believe with the right clothes you could feel a lot better about yourself.

You can't be too casual in London

@MrsPear

Tbh who hasn’t looked twice in mirror / shop window and thought shit I look awful. But then I’m 41 and wouldn’t wear cargo pants - remind me of the 90s. A similar outfit I’d wear is chinos (I have green) with them slightly rolled up, white trainers and navy t with white stripes. A cliche but still not looking like something out of the cotton traders catalogue. Make sure your clothes fit properly is something I heard once to avoid frumpy land.

I'm the same age and finding it hard to navigate the 90s revival. I just look like I'm pathetically trying to recapture my youth.

I sympathise with you..
I don't know whether it's just me but I'm finding current fashion trends extremely difficult to get right at the moment.
I find it a nightmare.
I know there's a lot of hate for skinny jeans and trousers and shoes that aren't trainers, but I knew where I was with that look and it suited my body shape.
This latest voluminous look - Cargo type/ balloony/mom jeans type trousers and things that end half way up the legs, combined with white trainers and all these oversized tops! just make me look frumpy and feel scruffy.
They might suit whippet thin teens but not so much my age group.
I'm not looking forward to winter.
Skinny jeans plus boots plus smart jacket has been my uniform for the last 15 years!

and don't get me started on this business of all tops being tucked in.
It's another look that suits young people. Not such a great look on my middle aged, rapidly going South arse.

It's not a good time for middle aged women imo

@Beachlovingirl

I totally sympathise. The other day I had on mom jeans, high tops and an oversized tucked in t shirt. I thought I looked good but I actually looked in the reflective surface beside the cash machines and I looked a lot like Michael j fox in back to the future, albeit with long blonde hair.

It’s made my seriously question my current look that I actually thought was good.

Oh god yes.

White trainers look hideous on me.

Ditto mom jeans.
Tucked in tops make my arse look huge.

Thanks all I am a little comforted to know it's not just me. Yes losing weight would definitely help and I am trying I really am! In hindsight I think the cargo type trousers are not the best on me given my body shape - perhaps some black trousers and a different sort of jacket would have been more flattering. I am most upset at my post menopausal tummy, I used to look good in trousers but now I feel like a teletubbie.

Tucked in tops make my arse look huge.

^^thats not a bad thing 🍑

@inmyslippers

Tucked in tops make my arse look huge.

^^thats not a bad thing 🍑

Trust me it doesn't look good! I look alright from the front with it tucked in but the behind... just no! I've tried to do the French tuck as well.

I think you shouldn’t assume everyone else is looking sharp. I mean that in a good way, I think most people look pretty normal/average most of the time. I was looking at some journalist on Instagram this weekend who’d had a party, the guests of which were raving about the glamour. Looking at the photos it looked like a very average bunch of middle aged people to me with normal lumps and bumps. Maybe the conversation was sparkling. Anyway what I’m saying is that I think we’re hard on ourselves maybe because we’re so saturated with unrealistic images. I often look at influencers on Instagram and think they look great then realise what they are wearing in a posed shot is just impractical for weather/normal life/whatever.

Many photos are photo shopped these days and I'm sure that many models and good looking people have ' off days ' too.
I was watching ' hot tub brits' on five last night and this very normal looking man had a very glamorous g/ friend , she probably has days she feels ' meh' but I bet he never does even though he was hardly an oil painting! Men just don't have the same hang ups.

I wore what I thought was a pretty nice wrap cardigan and longer-length skirt. Caught sight of myself in a shop window and there was my mum circa 1986 !

I've turned into my mum too as I've aged!