I'm a slob and I'm miserable, be kind please.

[SisterNight]

I'm very fat (size 26/28) very tall (almost 6ft) and totally sick of feeling scruffy. I wear whatever fits, is clean and what is comfortable and no other thought goes in to it. Most days I'll only glance in the mirror when I'm brushing my teeth and then not again.

I've got binge eating disorder and I'm working with a therapist so please no weight loss or exercise tips because it sends me spiralling.

I'm 35 and have no confidence and no idea what to wear. Everything I own is jersey fabric as it's stretchy and comfortable. I stray towards black but that's where my preferences end. I'm such a slob that most of my clothes have small holes in or grease stains from cooking.

I want to care more about my appearance and make more of an effort with myself but I've no idea where to start.

I don't wear make up and get my hair cut into a bob once a year as I don't prioritise myself at all.

Please help, I'd love some tips and advice.

@SisterNight

Ok I've found a plus size fashion blogger on Instagram heybooblog and it's exactly how I wish I could dress/look. She's smaller than me but I'm wondering if I could pull her look off. I don't think I'd be brave enough to have my stomach showing in jeans like she does but some of her other looks I really like. Sort of minimalist with an alternative edge.

I've got some skincare stuff, funnily enough I grabbed some Nivea and I've got stuff with added SPF.

I've also bought some nude nail colours for everyday wear and I might go dark at weekends.

Next on the list is a new handbag. I'm keeping an eye out on the sales but does anyone have any budget recommendations? I like a crossbody but I don't think that they compliment my size.

Have a look at lovelyinla on Instagram.I wouldn't say she dresses with any kind of an edge though.

TK Maxx is great for designer stuff (bags) on a budget if that's what you're after (also great for sunglasses)

@SisterNight

I've also been using a lovely coconut body moisturiser daily and it feels so strange to be taking such care of myself. I know it's only basic but it's not something I've ever really done for myself. It feels like a luxury and my skin feels wonderful.

This is so great to hear!

I had a look at heybooblog on Insta. She looks awesome!

I'm looking for decent headbands (as my roots need doing and I need a good cut) and came across these that I'm going to give a go, they would fit in with my style:

onehundredstars.co.uk/collections/headbands/products/stork-plaster-pink-headband

@SisterNight heybooblog looks fab! Definitely a great look to emulate. Delighted you’ve found some inspiration!

Seasalt do handy bands which double as neck scarf/ face mask/ headbands.

Good work OP.

In terms of bag, what kind of thing are you looking for/what do you need to carry with you?

I swear by backpacks, you can get really good ones out there. The tote back bags are also good if you can find one you like.

Tk maxx is a good place to look for bags, loads of different styles and colours.

Wrt bags,the secret is to make sure the strap is extra long. You have to kids a lot of frogs before you find them but they are around. Get a tape measure and measure exactly the length you need.

I have a plain Kipling bag for every day use as they have really long straps and then fancier / designer ones when I need to be smart.

**kiss not kids

@SisterNight I think you are really inspiring and loving hearing about the changes you are making.

I just checked out heybooblog and I think her style is really nice- stylish but not too try hard and practical / achievable for a mum. I see she gets a lot of stuff from ASOS - I get a few bits from there and whilst there are bits I love they can be quite hit and miss so don't worry if some bits don't suit / fit. Another place I like is simply be- they have quite a few bits in similar style to heyboo.

I agree with the pp re backpacks- I saw this bag on ASOS and thought it was nice www.asos.com/prd/23026478?acquisitionsource=pasteboard

I haven't read all of this thread but I have a very slight suggestion that helped me when I was in a rut and was feeling a bit drab that is quite simple and easy. I realised that all my clothes were black and grey. I deliberately got a few tops in red and other bright colours and deliberately wore something bright - whether a top or a scarf. My theory is that when you wear something in a brighter colour it can subsconsiously give you a bit of a lift and lifts others too. I think it hits your eye and colours can affect our mood somehow. I don't know if there is any basis at all for any of that! But it seems to affect me anyway! It was a small change that helped me at the time and it's quite a simple and easy thing thing to do. I'd also say if you can get one or two things that are a nice feature that can also boost mood. And that can be put with anything. A nice jacket in a colour and material you really like. (I'm not fashion orientated but I like the feel of some materials which can be important too). That you can put with anything. Or an interesting shaped cardi that is a bit arty and a bit of a feature. Or a really beautiful coloured scarf in a lovely material. A chunky or feature necklace that's a bit characterful - doesn't have to be expensive. I'm no fashion-person just that for me anyway sometimes one or two interesting or characterful and bright things can make me feel more confident.

SisterNight what is your budget for a bag and what colours are you looking for ?

What shape are you? I have a friend who is this size and always looks lovely ! She wears leggings and shaped dresses .. she gets a lot from boohoo curve .

Morning OP. Good for you for choosing to make some changes.

I would suggest regarding nail polishes, I wouldn’t faff with UV stuff to start with. Just chose a base coat and basic polish. I like Barry M nail varnish for fun, bright colours that aren’t expensive.

Regarding what colours suit you: I had colour analysis through House of Colour. It’s not cheap (about £150) but it’s saved me a fortune in buying stuff I think might be okay but then I never wore! Now I find it much easier to shop because I can pick up what colours suit me. I’m a size 16-18 but find that I look so much better in the colours that suit me. It’s given me loads more confidence.

with regards to bags the general thought is if you are a little on the larger size buy a big bag, it evens you out and draws the eye from parts you may wish hide a bit. TK Max is a great starting place, loads of price points. Dont always gravitate towards a black bag, tan can go with a lot of things and often look more 'polished' Good luck OP! you are worth it!

Yes, agree about a bigger bag definitely.

Also definitely if your look is casual them a tan bag is for you. I can't wear a black bag, it seems too 'smart' and like work wear for me.

What shape is your body OP? (PEAR, APPLE ECT.)

What do you like to do to take care of yourself?

I'm a size 20 and compensate for my size with making sure I look good every day as size also affects my confidence, similar to you. Have you ever worn anything that makes you feel good? If so, can you remember what shape/style it was?

As hard as it is, find the things you love about yourself as there will be plenty. You need to love YOU.

As previous posters have suggested, a little self love always helps, treat yourself to a haircut, a manicure and some new clothes, which we can help with if you give some more information about your shape!

Remember, you are beautiful the way you are.

OP I am pretty large and used to only look in the mirror to brush my teeth. With the guidance of a therapist so that I could discuss any feelings that have come up, I have started putting more mirrors up. I now have one at the top of the stairs so can't help hut see myself and another at the front door to check how I look before going out.