I'm a slob and I'm miserable, be kind please.

[SisterNight]

I'm very fat (size 26/28) very tall (almost 6ft) and totally sick of feeling scruffy. I wear whatever fits, is clean and what is comfortable and no other thought goes in to it. Most days I'll only glance in the mirror when I'm brushing my teeth and then not again.

I've got binge eating disorder and I'm working with a therapist so please no weight loss or exercise tips because it sends me spiralling.

I'm 35 and have no confidence and no idea what to wear. Everything I own is jersey fabric as it's stretchy and comfortable. I stray towards black but that's where my preferences end. I'm such a slob that most of my clothes have small holes in or grease stains from cooking.

I want to care more about my appearance and make more of an effort with myself but I've no idea where to start.

I don't wear make up and get my hair cut into a bob once a year as I don't prioritise myself at all.

Please help, I'd love some tips and advice.

ps Lookup Bigprettyme1 on YouTube. She does plus size fashion hauls.

And dont forget we're just coming out of 18 months of difficult times....I'm sure lots and lots of people have had leggings trackies hoodies baggy T-shirt's as their staple wardrobe items.

Well done for taking the first steps

I don't wear make up and get my hair cut into a bob once a year as I don't prioritise myself at all.

Well you can change that within 24 hours. Book a hair appointment and pop into Boots on the way home for some lippy and mascara.

I know you asked not to be given diet advice but can I make a suggestion. David McGraw has a hypnosis video on YouTube which I think may help, it's not just about losing weight but also increases self esteem.
It should complement your therapy. So far I've noticed a difference in my snacking habits

I second goose's suggestion about David Mcgraw. I used this during first lockdown and lost two stone. Also shifted my thinking a bit

Totally agree - start with self care, hair and nails. Get gel nails so they last a few weeks and book more regular hair appts. Do yourself a face mask or home treatment if you don't want to go to the spa just yet. You will feel weird at first but quickly get used to it and that will help give you the confidence the try other things.

What colours do you like? Can you start with simple colour coordination - so you feel you're making an 'outfit' rather than splashing out lots on new clothes which tbh it sounds like you may not have the confidence to wear just yet. If you can start treating yourself nicely via hair, skin and nails you will be able to build up the confidence to want to wear nicer things and put more effort into your clothes.

Thanks all, sorry I've not been back sooner.

A couple of questions answered. As for colouring I'm rather pale but go red very easily, not in a lovely English rose style but more washed out and beetroot though I do have a bit of a tan from gardening.

My hair is very thin, mousey and goes greasy easily so I wash it every day. I'm pretty hygienic but could probably pay more attention to my teeth.

I think I exercise much more than most people my size. I walk lots, over an hour a day most days but it does make me sweat especially in this weather. I also garden fairly frequently. I used to enjoy swimming too but I've not been for ages due to lockdown.

I go out lots in nature as I find it really helps with my overall mental health. I have a long history of depression but this is very stable and under control.

I've no clue what I like or what my style is. Having 3 dc has meant I've lost myself and I've been firmly stuck in mum mode for 10 years. My youngest is almost 6 now and I'm feeling like I can focus on myself for the first time in a long time.

I don't wear make up as I can sweat lots and don't actually know how to apply it. I've never been confident with it, even when I was younger. The same goes for hair, I've never styled it or even learnt how to blow dry properly. It usually gets shoved into a pony tail when long or left down.

I don't have much of a budget but I'm going to set aside hopefully £30-£50 a month for myself. I know it's not much but I think I'll definitely start with some nail stuff and will plan in a haircut.

I don't have a skincare routine as I've never really had any skin issues but my chin has recently started breaking out during my period and sometimes after I've worn facemasks and been a little sweaty.

I definitely need a proper bra. I currently wear stretchy pull on ones and have no idea what size I'd need. I've not worn an underwired one since getting pregnant with my youngest

I'll check out the YouTube recommendations. Thanks to everyone who has responded so far.

You don't sound like a slob at all to me, OP, you sound very active and busy. What are you wearing when you are out and about in nature and exercising? Natural fibres like linen and 100% cotton are breathable and can be found at any price point these days.

In terms of figuring out which colours suit you, there's lots of guides out there, eg this one:

https://thelaurieloo.com/blog/seasonal-color-analysis

Bra-wise - look up the bra intervention threads to figure out your size. You don't have to wear underworld bras if you find them uncomfortable (I don't!). Then have a look online and order some to try. brastop.com is good for big boobs.

Make up - I just wear a primer (I use "this works - camera close up) and waterproof (sweat proof!) mascara. I have the same problem about make up sliding off, but this works for me.

Hair - I regularly go to the hairdressers and ask for a cut that can be styled easily but will look better than I have now! May be worth either having a consultation or looking for some inspiration for haircuts you like the look of.

Clothes - are you wearing dri-fit/moisture wicking type clothes when you exercise/go out walking? I've found these to be a game changer. Simply be have some, Nike do a plus size range. For non-exercise definitely stick with cotton/bamboo/linen - all natural fibres rather than polyester (I've found that some plus size shops (Evans I'm looking at you) have so much polyester which is horrible to wear in the summer.

You sound like you have your hands full, so just tackle one thing at a time - especially with it being school holidays!

Soak in an Epsom salt bath, shave legs followed by lashings of body moisturiser. Wrap up in a dressing gown and paint your toenails.

You’ll sleep like a baby and wake up smooth skinned with pretty toes and hopefully the motivation to be kind to yourself the next day.

Oh I definitely am a slob. Currently still in my PJs, not showered or brushed my hair yet school holidays really don't help!

Like I said previously I only glance in the mirror once when I wake up and then no more. I have rock bottom self esteem and I think by taking more care of myself it will help improve this.

It's very hard to feel that I deserve care and attention but I'm trying to treat myself like I would treat a friend (not that I have any!)

Glad to hear you're working with a therapist about binge eating as this is probably the route cause of feeling the way you do.

If you have £30-50 per month, that's not going to go very far in terms of getting professionals to do things, so you're in for some DIY stuff (which is fun!)

Firstly sew up all the holes in your current clothes and buy some stain remover to clean up the grease stains. Get some nice smelling fabric softener and use it on your clothes. Iron all your clothes and put them away nicely. (Cost about £10 for the fabric softener and stain remover)

Second, I always feel better when I am tanned. Bondai sands is about £15 per bottle plus a mitt you can get for a couple of quid from Primark. Look at some tutorials on YouTube. (Cost about £17)

Third, wash and polish all your shoes and bags. Wash trainers in the washing machine, get some shoes polish for leather. (£5 shoe polish)

Fourth, file and polish your nails and toes clear. Instantly more glam, chipping is not noticeable. (Cost under £5)

Fifth, get a nice shampoo, conditioner and leave in (£10).

That should be affordable this month ana is some small changes.

Next month branch out!!!

Ironing is something I really need to start doing. I only ever iron school uniforms out of laziness really, I'm not a natural at housework but I think it probably should become more of a priority.

The biggest kick up the bum has seen my DH pick up on my bad habits during the pandemic. He has worked from home the entire time and he too now just wears scruffy clothes, has gained weight and even showers less. I don't want these habits to be passed on to our dc so I need to change.

I might dig out my old jewellery and try and wear that a bit more to start with too. Pick out the nicest looking stuff from my wardrobe and get that ironed. Leg shaving, moisturiser and nail polish seem very doable straight away. I do have some old perfume somewhere that will make me feel better.

I don't have shoes to polish, I live in flip flops and trainers but will get these cleaned up. It's not something I ever even thought of doing (that's bad isn't it?!) My handbag is a dumping ground for all sorts of rubbish and odds and ends, I will give that a good clean too.

Does anyone have any skincare routine recommendations? I don't even know where to start. I could stretch to some cheap basics.

Also am I too old for headbands? My dd has some really nice ones that she doesn't wear and I was wondering if they'd be a good idea to smarten my hair up a bit before I can get it sorted properly.

@SisterNight

Also am I too old for headbands? My dd has some really nice ones that she doesn't wear and I was wondering if they'd be a good idea to smarten my hair up a bit before I can get it sorted properly.

I am in my fifties and wear hair bands since my hair grew longer over lockdown. I am often complimented on my hair. I

@SisterNight

Oh I definitely am a slob. Currently still in my PJs, not showered or brushed my hair yet school holidays really don't help!

Like I said previously I only glance in the mirror once when I wake up and then no more. I have rock bottom self esteem and I think by taking more care of myself it will help improve this.

It's very hard to feel that I deserve care and attention but I'm trying to treat myself like I would treat a friend (not that I have any!)

I am sure you do have friends but it is very easy to feel this way when suffering from depression. Treat us as your online friends. Even on days when you have very little planned, it is a good idea to get dressed and basic grooming done as soon as you get up. Try and wear something you like and feel confident in. This will do wonders for you self esteem. You deserve it and are worth it.

@Violinist64 you've made me well up! Thank you so much for your kindness.

I'm also going to give headbands a try. Even if I feel silly I'm going to just go for it.

Skincare

The basics would be
A nice Cleanser - I like this one a lot

www.marksandspencer.com/ultimate-cleanse-rose-cleansing-balm-100g/p/hbp60293035?color=NOCOLOUR_
_
A serum, if you want something anti aging try Medik8 Crystal Retinol 3, if you want hydrating The Ordinary Niacinamide could be a good budget option.

Then a moisturiser - I like La Roche Posay from Boots.

In the morning Vitamin C is lovely to give you glow, again la Roche posay one is nice and always wear Spf that's the golden rule!

If your on Instagram can I suggest your follow Laura Adlington. She's plus size but looks amazing and does lots of fashion stuff for bigger sizes.

I agree one step at a time.

Good luck!

Just to chip in with PP, if you're on Instagram I also really recommend Lauren Ashley Gordon. She's bigger like me and she is great for style tips, body positivity and learning to love yourself.

Also I would say make a tiny list of 5 things you want to be true about yourself (ie, want to be able to match colours well) and work towards that steadily. 😊

I am not any kind of fashion expert but after a lifetime of only wearing jeans and trousers, I have begun wearing floaty midi dresses this summer with trainers. They are comfy and forgiving, and also trendy right now. I wonder if they might suit you? M and S has lovely dresses right now for tall people. I am not girly but there are less frilly styles to suit everybody.

Hello. I am not tiny, size 18-20 but I love clothes, make up and bags and I always have my hair cut/coloured and take care of myself.

I would agree with a good haircut will make you feel great plus get your eyebrows shaped. This makes a huge difference to looking groomed, just a gentle shape is all you need.

Agree with filing nails and clear polish.
A lovely pedicure can cost £30 and would be really worth it , in terms of making you feel good and a pamper does wonders for you. Once you have had one you can repaint and treat your feet yourself and save a pedicure for the occasional treat.

As for skincare, try Liz Earle cleanse and polish is not expensive and really good. Invest in a good moisturiser and use it. Make up wise try a cc cream basically a tinted moisturiser for day wear, get one with SPF in. Then use mascara and a lip balm. It’s simple and low maintenance and will make you feel much better.

I love perfume and always wear it, a dab in the Summer of a light scent is perfect.

Take baths, shave your legs if you want to and use body cream. You will feel better for it.

Iron your clothes and clean up your shoes. Small
things make a difference.

Smile and drink lots of water it’s so good for your skin.

Be happy in your skin , this makes all the difference.

Hope that helps

I don't have anything practical to add but I just wanted to say that this is the nicest, kindest thread I've ever read on Mumsnet- there are some really lovely posters giving wonderful advice. Feel quite emotional and it's not even my thread!

I really appreciate everyone's help, the fact that you've all taken time out to do so is really wonderful. Thank you all so much!

And yes everyone has been so kind, I was very nervous about starting this thread but everyone has been understanding and positive.

I had a look at The Ordinary website and it's like another language I've no idea where to start! The reviews are good and prices seem reasonable but where to begin?

I need a starter set, or preferably an idiots guide. Open to other budget brand suggestions. I'm a complete skin care novice and I'm not actually sure what order to do things in or what serums actually are

Gosh I had a look at Instagram and that Laura and Lauren are bloody gorgeous. I feel a bit intimidated if I'm honest.

I definitely need to start with baby steps, I don't think I could ever look as great as they do.

I don't have any advice as such, I just wanted to say good for you reaching out and giving yourself a shot at changing the things you're unhappy with. I sense real sadness in some of your posts, and I genuinely hope this is the start of a journey that brings you a lot of happiness. Best of luck op, I'll be rooting for you 🙂