I'm a slob and I'm miserable, be kind please.

[SisterNight]

I'm very fat (size 26/28) very tall (almost 6ft) and totally sick of feeling scruffy. I wear whatever fits, is clean and what is comfortable and no other thought goes in to it. Most days I'll only glance in the mirror when I'm brushing my teeth and then not again.

I've got binge eating disorder and I'm working with a therapist so please no weight loss or exercise tips because it sends me spiralling.

I'm 35 and have no confidence and no idea what to wear. Everything I own is jersey fabric as it's stretchy and comfortable. I stray towards black but that's where my preferences end. I'm such a slob that most of my clothes have small holes in or grease stains from cooking.

I want to care more about my appearance and make more of an effort with myself but I've no idea where to start.

I don't wear make up and get my hair cut into a bob once a year as I don't prioritise myself at all.

Please help, I'd love some tips and advice.

Hi OP, you sound fab and can definitely find lots of support on here if you’re in need.

Firstly, well done for doing the work with your therapist. That sounds like an excellent basis for long-term change. Walking, gardening and time in nature are also great for overall wellbeing so you are already taking some excellent steps and should congratulate yourself!

On the other things, I would start by working with what you already have rather than spending lots of money on cosmetics, etc. Not that you shouldn’t do that if you want to, but appreciating what you’ve already got could also be a great foundation. Cleaning / sorting your existing things, getting the iron out, throwing out anything too stained is a good start. Rediscovering your jewellery and experimenting with headbands also sounds fun. Then the basics like a good haircut and simple skincare are also great fundamentals. I started a thread today asking for simple skincare tips for a 40 yr old but you might still appreciate - am also baffled by The Ordinary website!

I’d also second the idea of introducing relaxing baths, which can feel like a lovely indulgence and also bring real mental health benefits. Epsom salts and bubbles are a lovely addition to help you relax.

How about introducing a morning routine, so that you have a set (achievable) time by when you need to be up, showered and dressed? I’m also prone to spending too much time in PJs and do find it leads to further de motivation if done too often. You might like to read ‘The Miracle Morning’ for full-blown morning routine advice!

Instagram can be an alarming place. I’m not sure I’d spend too much time on it if you’re feeling low.

I would start very very simple.
I'm also a slob (recently placed an order for new clothes when I realised that ALL my favourites now had holes)

So from a fellow slob I would say -

• choose a new soap or shower gel you love the smell of (orange for me)
• if your teeth need help, add in a mouthwash
• throw out anything stained or hole-y (I haven't managed this yet, but I will!)
• file your nails
• paint your toenails (it tends to last longer, finger nails I can't be bothered with) actually if you have the money and time, get gel nail polish on them, it lasts for months on me and then they always look nice

Then start browsing the net for a couple of outfits. I'm 5 foot 8 and a size 20 so probably a similar build to you. I

• get my bras from asda, they're around £5 each so you can afford to go wrong sometimes. Consider new knickers too.
• clothes come from Asos. Start comfy but slightly more styled. If you're like me you just won't wear something that's not comfy. I wear loads of wrap dresses and jumpsuits (so easy and comfy and you'll be surprised how they can flatter)

Personally I wouldn't bother with skin care, sounds like you have great skin in masks werent around?

Also make up - if you don't love it then don't wear a lot of that either. I would go for a simple brown eyeliner (if you find it hard you can use a dark brown eyeshadow with an eyeliner brush and just tap it close to your lashes) brows if they need it and then a tinted lip balm. I love make up but can get it done in around 3 mins each day. You have to enjoy it or it's not worth it.

For cheap, easy skincare Aldi is great. This is a moisturiser with spf 30 - perfect for everyday use and it costs £3.49!!! Bargain!

www.aldi.co.uk/lacura-rejuvelate-day-cream/p/015523286430000

Agree with PP you sound fab!

Get onto ASOS and pick yourself something new to wear. It can be really basic like some new vests, or something fancier.

green dress

black

ASOS is cheap and cheerful and has a massive range of stuff - think about what would help most. It might be cotton dresses, or it might be a new pair of jeans, or you might need some new tops or the sportswear suggested earlier. But you shouldn’t wear holey clothes - you’re worth spending money on!

I think the trick is to build habits, so that you get used to doing certain things automatically without having to think about it first (this might not be relevant but I suspect I have adhd and I use up too much energy thinking which limits what I can actually get done)

So my advice is to take it slow, pick one simple and achievable new habit, maybe as simple as putting on perfume and do that everyday for two weeks, and then add another.

Habit stacking is a great technique - you pick a very well established habit and then do the new habit right before it. So if you always brush your teeth you could put your perfume in front of your toothpaste and spritz it before brushing. Or if you decided to wear mascara you could put the mascara and a mirror beside the kettle and put it on while you’re waiting for the kettle to boil.

Don’t try to do too much at once, just keep adding another bit in, and in the meantime talk nicely and kindly to yourself. Give yourself a big cheery smile when you pass a mirror (bonkers but really effective)

Feel free to ignore me completely cos I’m also a slob so clearly haven’t cracked this

www.asos.com/prd/23444314?acquisitionsource=pasteboard

I like that

Also get onto Ebay, there's quite a few dresses and tops in your size there for under a £5

Oh and get new PJs if you can too

Does anyone have any skincare routine recommendations? I don't even know where to start. I could stretch to some cheap basics.

I'm guessing you don't know what skin type you have so it'd going to be trial and error what products work for you. I start with a wash off cleanser because it feels fresher in summer, I use one by Simple. Aprox £3. Serum is next, they do lots of things dependent on which one you buy, I use a hydration one for my dry skin, Vichy Mineral 89. Aprox £20. Then as a minimum you're going to want a face cream, I like Olay, they do a night cream and a day cream, the latter has SPF15 in it which is better than nothing. Approx £6

Hi op, I would also like to echo that you sound bloody lovely!! Also- your thread is helping me in so many ways as I’m in a similar pickle.

I’m 5ft 5 and a size 20/22 and have struggled with my weight since forever. I’ve also got a chronic pain condition and struggle to do what I used to exercise wise so have got bigger, especially during lockdown. I’ve had enough of feeling like crap so I had already booked my nails ( shellac- going to go bright! ) and my eyebrows will be waxed and tinted at 9am tomorrow. These 2 things cost me £27 in the north west and are guaranteed to make me feel better. Here’s an embarrassing one for you- I haven’t shaved my legs since June 1st LAST YEAR as I went to A and E with an injured knee so remember the date and haven’t done them since and I’m very very dark haired, almost black.

So- you’ve been given tons of brilliant advice on here- your budget is what it is so the best thing is to just work with it. Another suggestion could be to do a car boot ( when allowed ) and use the proceeds for “ the new me fund “ or even sell some unwanted stuff on gumtree or similar. The motivation that the money would be going towards things that are going to help you improve your life will spur you on. You say you have 3 kids- I bet they have everything they need so now it’s your turn. You can do this!

I’m rooting for you. I’m also so glad you started this thread and am doing it with you xx

Ordinary mouthwashes can stain teeth - it won't help your teeth. My husband started using one and his dentist told him to stop and told him it was actually staining his teeth. Whitening teeth can make a difference in your appearance but I'd only do that through a dentist with proper custom moulds. I do make regular 6 monthly appointments with a dental hygienist to have my teeth seen to - the clean feeling is amazing. Tooth mousse can make a difference to teeth as it help to strengthen the enamel. It is a bit like toothpaste - I am not in the UK so I presume you have it there. It is not advertised much but it can definitely strengthen and remineralise teeth.

By the way, pouring neat detergent on a grease stain - particularly on dark clothing can lighten the whole area. A much safer approach is to rub a generous amount of talcum powder on both sides of the stain and let it sit. (Do this with dry clothing - not wet.) I usually let it sit overnight ( or at least for a few hour) then shake it out and wash. The talcum powder absorbs the stain and washes out. Occasionally I have had to repeat but there is never any damage to the material.

OP you sound lovely. Your point about talking to yourself as if you're talking to a friend is a great one. I do this a lot and it really does help.

Skincare wise, the most important things are cleanser (morning and night), moisturiser (morning and night) and SPF (day). Superdrug have some really brilliant own brand skincare that's fantastic and only a few pounds.

You said you're not sure what your style is - Pinterest is really good for seeing lots of different options, and you can create your own boards for things that look like your cup of tea.

For style inspiration I love fashion foie gras and Katie Sturino. They are both tall and larger framed, and incredibly stylish.

The Style and Beauty boards are generally lovely and supportive so you're in the right place

Can anyone help with getting my colours matched? I've read up on it and I'm really not sure what category I fall into even after all the reading.

Also any nail polish recommendations? I've seen that gel lasts longer, do I need one of those UV things to go with it? I'm looking at light pinks and nudes as they'll go with most things whilst I'm still learning.

@SisterNight

Can anyone help with getting my colours matched? I've read up on it and I'm really not sure what category I fall into even after all the reading.

Also any nail polish recommendations? I've seen that gel lasts longer, do I need one of those UV things to go with it? I'm looking at light pinks and nudes as they'll go with most things whilst I'm still learning.

What's your natural hair colour? Eye colour?
Do you think your skin has pink tones or yellow tones?

Is there any colour that you always feel good in or avoid?

I would suggest starting with small things and work your way up. Book a hair appt as that's a good starting point, when you pay re book so you have it in the calendar and you don't have an excuse not to prioritise it.

Skin care - maybe just a basic moisturiser , CeraVe do one with a SPF which might be good as you garden.

Maybe start wearing mascara- I recommend Maybelline Collosal as it's cheap but comes off easily with warm water and a flannel. Also a tinted lip balm and when you're used to wearing them then work up to a lipstick.

I also recommend Seasalt, lovely easy to wear clothes, fantastic quality that last ages and wash well. Their prices seem a bit steep until you feel the quality. They have good sales too.

Well done

How about a stitch fix subscription for three months to give your wardrobe a boost? You tell them your budget, your size, your style and they send you some clothes to choose from.

Number one, buy a huge, cover-all-your-clothes apron for cooking in, and use it. My OH actually gets changed to cook so he doesn't ruin his good stuff.
I am very slobby too, OP, and my best tip is to book an appointment for my next haircut/colour/manicure/dental hygienist when I'm paying for the one before so it's organised, otherwise I'd leave it way too long.

I agree with whoever said to prioritise your nails. I found a photo of myself from a night out a few years ago when I wasn't very well & didn't look great. But I'd been for a manicure and the first thing I noticed was how nice my hands and nails were.
Also second the recommendations for CaraVe cleanser and Aldi moisturiser (tho I like the caviar one). Great value, make a big difference.

I love this thread, thanks so much for starting it and well done with your mindset so far @SisterNight :)

Re nail polish shellac / gel / uv are all essentially the same thing- varnish is applied as normal but then "cured" under a Uv light to make it hard and much less prone to chipping. It's usually done in salons but you can buy the polish and a UV lamp on Amazon / eBay and do it yourself. It looks great and generally lasts 2-4 weeks however my note of caution is that if worn long term it can damage your nails. A nice beigey/ pinky colour looks lovey and will go with everything.

No clue re colour matching so will watch what others say with interest.

One thing I did want to say is have you tried dry shampoo? My hair is thin and greasy and I found dry shampoo a game changer. I went from having to wash my hair daily to now roughly once a week- my hair looks so much better for it and it frees up time for a bit of skincare / makeup. I spray it on and it leaves a bit of a white residue, but then I jump in the shower and comb through when I get out and it's good to go. I use the batiste volume enhancing one

If you don't fancy the gel UV route then the Barry M Gelly range is very good value and lasting- it chips less than other more expensive brands I've tried. This colour is lovely

Barry M Cosmetics Gelly Nail Paint, Pink Lemonade https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B019C99MSK/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabc6761JHNM07R99R4ZGZAX

Can anyone help with getting my colours matched? I've read up on it and I'm really not sure what category I fall into even after all the reading.

You need a mirror, good natural daylight and all the fabric stuff in the house in as many different colours as you have. Hold it upto your face. The ones that make your skin look healthy and your eyes glow, those are your colours. Avoid the colours that make you look ill or your skin dull. See what the good ones have in common. All the colours of autumn leaves? All have stark silvery undertones? All have warm pinky undertones (even the blues)? You'll see undertones more if you put similar colours next to each other. Find out if you need bright white, warm white or cream. Once you've figured colours out it makes shopping easier.

I've felt like a total slob as well op. I've bought few colourful t shirts and wide leg elescatated trousers, to wear with a jacket and trainers.
Minimal make up, tinted moisturiser and coloured lip balm.
Ive started swimming again and I'm thinking about why I over eat, its basically associated with loss and is an addiction.
You are worth looking after my love, try to be kind to yourself.
As for skin care and make up luke Goss is very accessible on you tube.

I would say forget about serum and the Ordinary stuff at the moment. Concentrate on getting a good very basic skin care routine going. If money is tight go for Nivea. They do some cleansers both lotion cleansers and wash off ones, plus the micellar cleansers and a cleanser/toner one but I would not recommend this one if you wear make up. I particularly like the Nivea Glow range.

I personally find if you use micellar waters (cleansers) then I need to double cleanse with something else first, but I do the whole shebang of make up.

See here but don't use the 'wipes'. Not good for your skin!
www.nivea.co.uk/products/face/cleansing
Then look for a moisturiser (one with an SPF) or get separate sun protection (which is better)

www.boots.com/toiletries/suncare/face-sun-protection

Once you have worked out how your skin is (needs moisture, needs oil free etc etc then you can bring out the big guns (serums, oils etc). Of course for night time you do not need SPF in your cream! Start out with a cream that is not too rich unless you know your skin is very dry.
Try a tinted moisturiser before using foundation. You may find that that is all you need. I love the Garnier one but Boots no 7 do one. So do Nivea but I find it too creamy!

Ok I've found a plus size fashion blogger on Instagram heybooblog and it's exactly how I wish I could dress/look. She's smaller than me but I'm wondering if I could pull her look off. I don't think I'd be brave enough to have my stomach showing in jeans like she does but some of her other looks I really like. Sort of minimalist with an alternative edge.

I've got some skincare stuff, funnily enough I grabbed some Nivea and I've got stuff with added SPF.

I've also bought some nude nail colours for everyday wear and I might go dark at weekends.

Next on the list is a new handbag. I'm keeping an eye out on the sales but does anyone have any budget recommendations? I like a crossbody but I don't think that they compliment my size.

I've also been using a lovely coconut body moisturiser daily and it feels so strange to be taking such care of myself. I know it's only basic but it's not something I've ever really done for myself. It feels like a luxury and my skin feels wonderful.

@Cheesypea

I've felt like a total slob as well op. I've bought few colourful t shirts and wide leg elescatated trousers, to wear with a jacket and trainers. Minimal make up, tinted moisturiser and coloured lip balm. Ive started swimming again and I'm thinking about why I over eat, its basically associated with loss and is an addiction. You are worth looking after my love, try to be kind to yourself. As for skin care and make up luke Goss is very accessible on you tube.

This is inspiring, well done.