Dd1 has taken chunks out of her eyebrow please reassure me

[nevernotstruggling]

She's 11. Last day of school yesteday we had an amazing day. Before she got in the shower she got my tweezers and took the end of her eye brow off. I can tell because there's a white patch where she hasn't tanned.
I've just noticed and she lied initially and now knows I'm v cross with her.

My eyebrows are destroyed by over plucking in my teens.

I'm scared of what she will do though she's been told the tweezers will not be out anymore.

Please give me some guidance how best to deal with this.

I have trichotillomania, compulsion to pull hair out essentially, mine is mostly aimed at my eyebrows. I'm 25 now and have been doing it for nearly 10 years, they grow back. I've only had short periods on not pulling to its rare that I've had two full brows but I could in theory.

Off to look at rapid brow now, thanks!

They are only eyebrows, I think you are a) projecting and b) over reacting

@olderthanyouthink

I have trichotillomania, compulsion to pull hair out essentially, mine is mostly aimed at my eyebrows. I'm 25 now and have been doing it for nearly 10 years, they grow back. I've only had short periods on not pulling to its rare that I've had two full brows but I could in theory.

Off to look at rapid brow now, thanks!

Hey. I've had trichotillomania since I was about 7. I'm 42 now. Eyelash hair grows back but my eyebrows didn't and I've torn out my eyelashes much much more.

My eyebrows weren't much to begin with. Neither are dd1's she is a strawberry blonde with very fair and definitely not bushy eyebrows. There's barely anything to work with now!

[quote StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind]@nevernotstruggling ah I sounded harsh- sorry. It's just I know now exactly what I wish my mum had done.

I don't agree with comments about leaving her to it, giving her the message that your bothered about her looks. It's because you know she will regret it later on- like you did, and I did! She's 11- it's not like anyone would say 'it's her body- let her get a tattoo!' at that age is it. And frankly I regret messing up my eyebrows more than some of my dodgy tatts 😂

I think go softly and kindly, help her grow them back and let her know you will help or take her to get them done professionally afterwards, if that's what she would like. Whilst letting her know that equally she doesn't have to do anything with them at all if she doesn't want to. [/quote]
It wasn't harsh don't worry.

I don't want my daughter to think her value is gauged by appearance but I want her to be able to make her own choices and not be hampered like I have been.

Otherwise of course I'm projecting!! I have to deal with this shit every day. The only positives are that this decade is quite make up positive and there's loads of eye brow products etc when there weren't in 95 when I destroyed mine. It's still shit in summer worrying about eyebrows melting in the heat

That's quite normal for an eleven year old. I remember doing the same, in my case my mother didn't notice. Everyone experiments at that age, I used to lacerate my legs with a not very safe razor until I got the hang of it. No permanent damage.

Can I just congratulate the OP on listening to advice.

As per usual all the nasty posters piling in at first which often makes the OP defensive and resulting in them leaving the thread.

Lovely to see the OP taking the constructive advice on board.

People saying get them done professionally show her how etc are maybe missing the point. She probably doesn't want eyebrows like a 30s or 40s woman. (I don't think 20s women generally do any hair removal with theirs do they?). If she wants short straight eyebrows she's not going to be happy with plucked arched ones. Easiest thing would be to shave them daily in case she changes her mind in the future and wants to grow them back.

Take her to get them threaded if they’re bushy. Otherwise show her how to pluck sensibly. And for what it’s worth, I’ve plucked mine like a motherfucker over the years (monobrow) and they’ve never stopped growing back even though everyone assured me that they would.

@AmberIsACertainty getting them done professionally does not mean getting the eyebrows of a woman in her 30s or 40s, what a strange thing to suggest. Near me there are salons that specialise in first experiences. So the first time you get your eyebrows done is very popular. Besides, you can tell the beautician what you want, in my experience, they don't just have 'one look' they can do and that's it!

This isn't the time to get angry it's an opportunity to teach her the right way. Yes she shouldn't have lied, but try to lay aside your own feelings about eyebrow plucking and speak to your DD about why she did what she did, what she was hoping to achieve and what better way there might be to achieve that. If she wants razor thin eyebrows, it might be a good time to share your own experience with over plucking and to encourage her to take a different path. She is already showing signs of being ashamed of her body hair and also of trying to hide grooming it, please don't compound her shame. Instead find a way to teach her self care and self compassion, as well as your love and acceptance.

In our area taking chunks out of eyebrows seems to be the current trend.

I just roll my eyes and let them get on with it. (12,16,18)
They all seem to have full eyebrows back if they let them grow.

My lot use the tiny razors for face hair to do theirs.

[quote DonLewis]@AmberIsACertainty getting them done professionally does not mean getting the eyebrows of a woman in her 30s or 40s, what a strange thing to suggest. Near me there are salons that specialise in first experiences. So the first time you get your eyebrows done is very popular. Besides, you can tell the beautician what you want, in my experience, they don't just have 'one look' they can do and that's it![/quote]
But the OP isn't going to be happy with the DD getting a style of her own preference done, she's unhappy with the style DD has DIY them. And people are talking about over plucking. It's not over plucking if the DD wanted that part of her eyebrows gone completely.

@ArsenicNLace

Can I just congratulate the OP on listening to advice.

As per usual all the nasty posters piling in at first which often makes the OP defensive and resulting in them leaving the thread.

Lovely to see the OP taking the constructive advice on board.

Thanks. I know how mn is I've been here 10 years. I knew I would be torn to pieces but if I persevered I would get some help. Dd1 is with dad until tonight when we are going to see dd2 in a show. I will be avoiding the issue until tomorrow now I've had some advice and time to decide on the best calm approach.

Dd1 defaults to fibbing if she even thinks she's getting told off and I probably need to address this more than they eyebrows. Dd1 is very well behaved and has been strictly told off on a handful of occasions ever in her life. She's had her phone removed twice and that's the only consequences she's ever suffered. (For being mean to her sister) so I'm getting frustrated that she fears a consequence so much she resorts to lying though I expect that's very normal.

@nevernotstruggling I remember when my mum asked me if I'd been plucking my eyebrows she sounded cross and I think I also felt stupid for doing it which i think is partly why I denied it.

If it were me I would go softly, tell her you did similar and it's something that most of us do! Make it clear she is allowed to make these decisions herself- they're her eyebrows after all- but that equally they are fine naturally and she doesn't have to touch them if she doesn't want to.

I would emphasise that I didn't want to sit back and say nothing, knowing there's a high chance she will regret it later on! Encourage her to grow them back and if she wants to do something, tell her you'll help her get it done properly.

[quote JackGrealishsShorts]@nevernotstruggling I remember when my mum asked me if I'd been plucking my eyebrows she sounded cross and I think I also felt stupid for doing it which i think is partly why I denied it.

If it were me I would go softly, tell her you did similar and it's something that most of us do! Make it clear she is allowed to make these decisions herself- they're her eyebrows after all- but that equally they are fine naturally and she doesn't have to touch them if she doesn't want to.

I would emphasise that I didn't want to sit back and say nothing, knowing there's a high chance she will regret it later on! Encourage her to grow them back and if she wants to do something, tell her you'll help her get it done properly. [/quote]
Yeh fair one I suspect that is the correct approach thank you

I wasn’t much older than your DD when I started pretty much plucking all my eyebrows out to draw black goth ones back on again. I still have eyebrows now so obviously didn’t cause too much damage. Was probably about 10 when I cut all my hair off with pinking shears and gave next door’s Old English Sheepdog a similar cut because she looked hot.

It's fashionable at the moment to have upward pointing/fox shaped eyebrows, she's probably trying to emulate Bella Hadid et al.

Sperm brows were in when I was in school, I proudly plucked mine, they grew back absolutely fine.

@Dollywilde

Seriously, you’re over thinking this one. Lack of regrowth is due to repeated tweezing.

Anyway, she’s not going to remain ‘perfect’ forever. There will be times where her lovely flawless natural beauty (that you grew, birthed and raised!) will be scarred, sometimes forever. But you have to learn to deal with that, because she’s a whole being with her whole life separate to you. The sooner you get your head around that the easier you’ll find her teen years.

I love this, I’m going to make a note of this to keep as my DD gets older

@inthekitchensink oh I’m so glad. My motivation for posting that was my overriding memory of my mum treating any scar on my body (skinned knees, later piercings etc) as an offence against the perfect baby she had made. I have my own DD now and I completely get it - I grew an utterly perfect being and I will be devastated when the body I made gets scars or is pierced or tattooed or whatever. But I must remember that she is not me, her body is not my body… I’m going to try so hard!

Well we have had the chat. Dd1 unprompted promised to never do it again. I said when it's all grown back we can go to the salon and get them shaped if she wants to. Dd1 was contrite but she's still avoiding scrutiny because she thinks I haven't noticed the other places she's ripped the hair out of. Sigh

Rather than be cross book her into a salon and find out what she is after - then get the professional to talk to her about how to achieve it - maybe pop out to a cafe too - turn it into something positive.