If you were thin can you feel attractive fat?

[MsAnnFrope]

This maybe should be in AIBU but I’m much too hormonal and sensitive for that.
I was always a natural size 8/10, until my mid 20s I was more a size 6. I’m only short so now I’m a 12 I look a lot bigger.
DH still is adamant that I’m beautiful. But now I weigh more I just don’t believe it. When I was told I was attractive as a younger woman I believed it. I believe DH (and plenty of other men) found me very good looking when we met but I realise now i only believe I’m attractive when very slim.

I don’t think other larger women are unattractive, quite the opposite I know size 20 women who are stunning.

Is this the fate of being in my 40s? Will I ever feel attractive again? Will I ever put on an item of clothing without assessing whether I look fat in it? Even in my late 30s post baby I could happily shimmy into a cocktail dress or shorts without a second thought. But now all I can think is I am fat and therefore ugly (and worthless)

@Laceandflowers383

It's the physical feeling of having fat all over me that I don't like. Not necessarily how I look. I think I still look nice in clothes but I don't feel nice.

Snap, it feels yuk to me to have fat between my muscle and skin. I think it's just what I've been used to most of my life.

I agree about the face being important. But I haven't noticed any difference at all in my face since losing over a stone, and I only now have approx 4 lbs to lose to reach my goal of 8 and a half stone.

Yea I think it depends on your build. I can see that if you are taller and bigger you can look powerful and sensual but I just feel small and round. Like a hobbit!

Like a hobbit!

Do you have big hairy feet too?

@coogee hmm I actually have small dainty feet. Perhaps I’m
Not a hobbit!

My friend is 5foot 10 and can put on a stone or more and still look the same/great in her clothes. She will bewail to me she has put on weight and she honestly looks no different.

By contrast, I am 5 foot 1 and a stone on me is a massive difference. I hate feeling small and chubby, I just feel frumpy, old and sad. So I intermittent fast, run, workout and eat healthy to stay slim. Sometimes it sucks, but it sucks more for me to feel fat. Being petite and lithe is part of who I am.

I am in my 50s & pretty wrinkled. I don’t know if my face would look better if I gained weight, but I’ve never been especially pretty so I don’t care about that. I have, however, always been slim and that means more to me than being pretty.

@HeadNorth how I envy the tall folks.

I would say I've usually been described as pretty (or god forbid cute). but i felt more attractive when i'm slim.

I'm decided to take the advice on here and do exercise to make my body feel good. I'm hoping this has a side effect of dropping a few lb over the months to come.

When I am exercising regularly I love my body and feel amazing. The side effect is I find it easier to eat healthily & stay slim,so it becomes a virtuous circle.

Thanks for this thread OP I've found it really helpful to read and its very supportive. I've put on around 10lbs since the pandemic and don't feel like my normal self. I've been comfort eating but also wonder whether it's all the stress that has affected us, eg stress hormones. I was also psychologically affected I think by the period where there were food shortages (when people were bulk buying loo roll) and I feel like I ate more then just in case.

The advice to exercise and in a way where you feel like your body is being helpful to you is really good advice and I'm going to do this as well. And just aim to eat fairly healthy and make a point of taking time to relax.

@Katekarate I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way too.
Yes I've found it really helpful . Definitely helped to shift my focus to enjoying what my body can do and treating it well.
It's also prompted me to contact my GP for blood testing for perimenopause - and they were very supportive too.