If you were thin can you feel attractive fat?

[MsAnnFrope]

This maybe should be in AIBU but I’m much too hormonal and sensitive for that.
I was always a natural size 8/10, until my mid 20s I was more a size 6. I’m only short so now I’m a 12 I look a lot bigger.
DH still is adamant that I’m beautiful. But now I weigh more I just don’t believe it. When I was told I was attractive as a younger woman I believed it. I believe DH (and plenty of other men) found me very good looking when we met but I realise now i only believe I’m attractive when very slim.

I don’t think other larger women are unattractive, quite the opposite I know size 20 women who are stunning.

Is this the fate of being in my 40s? Will I ever feel attractive again? Will I ever put on an item of clothing without assessing whether I look fat in it? Even in my late 30s post baby I could happily shimmy into a cocktail dress or shorts without a second thought. But now all I can think is I am fat and therefore ugly (and worthless)

However it all depends on the FACE (not fact)

@MsAnnFrope 'I remember being slimmer and how people commented on what a lovely figure I was and how attractive I was and I suppose I miss that.
Its funny as I have been academically very successful but that is not what people pass comment on is it'
Absolutely not, I agree with you. However I believe people don't do it intentionally. We can see straight away whether someone has lost or gained weight, we can't 'see' academic achievements so the easiest thing for our brain to focus on is the obvious.
I have got to a point in life I think where people's opinions of me genuinely don't affect how I feel or see myself. The weird thing is I have never been so popular either with men trying it on or females wanting to be friends. Believe me, teenage me would never believe it after the years of bullying I had for my appearance!
As much as it is a cliché attractiveness certainly starts within yourself.

I feel better when I’m slimmer

More at ease with clothes etc

Although it has got harder as I’ve got older - those skinny crisps and beer days are twenties for me (although also used to run)

I’m ok atm but do low carb and exercise

rousette it's interesting about the (fact of the!) face, isn't it? My "fighting weight" is about 10 stone 3 at 5ft 6, and I am currently 10 stone 7, so just a bit over after a year of sitting on my arse at home. My face looks fine, but I do feel that 4lb in my arse. Just before lockdown last year I was really ill with what I now wonder was Covid, and I dropped down to under 10 stone. I loved the fact that my tummy was completely flat and I could feel my hip bones, but my face looked too thin. I'm in my 40s now, but in my 20s I was nine and half stone throughout, and my face looked great!

Absolutely on the face, and I'm old(er) so it really shows on me! There's a fine line for me between being the right weight for my face, and overdoing it and looking haggard!

Yeh the face becomes a factor here too

I could be really slim and no worries when young

It's a puzzle to me how I get fatter and fatter,the more unhappy I am.
Post menopause, I have huge knockers which I loathe.
Cant summon up the energy to deal with though.
Kettle chips and wine are a crap idea.

wow there have been so many thoughtful responses here and I really appreciate how people are willing to share how they feel.
I have quite a young looking face, chubby cheeks and dimples but that means weight also really shows there as its quite rounded anyway.

I just want to not care and enjoy my body at any size.
I'm so hormonal at the moment, I wonder even if i was super svelte I'd still be weeping over something.

@ThePlantsitter i do enjoy both pilates and yoga. Its hard when I feel like this to believe I am worthy of caring for my body.

You're so lucky you have that type of face

I can get thin, but then my face looks fucking awful
So I genuinely have to choose between looking haggard and gaunt or feeling really unhappy within my body 😭😭😭

I'm kind of somewhere in the middle but that means my face still looks abit shit and so does my body but not completely awful

I used to love my thin cheekboney face 🙈

You're so lucky you have that type of face

Totally agree with this. I unintentionally went from a curvy size 10 to a skinny 6/8 because my body changed shape after DC and completely lost my previously youthful face and fab boobs. I’m late 30s now and look haggard as fuck, but I can’t put on weight. The grass is always greener I reckon! Agree with PP that exercise is the answer to feeling better about yourself - I massively notice the dip in my self perception/confidence when I haven’t been running for a while.

I could have written your OP, I'm exactly the same, same size, same height, same age. I've always been an 8-10, I'm now a definite 12 and I feel really uncomfortable. I recently bought some new jeans that actually fit which did help but I don't feel attractive at all.

I think I just need to try and loose the weight but food has become really important to me and I dont know why. The thought of having to watch what I eat really gets me down as I enjoy food so much. Maybe its boredom that's triggered it. I've got a pretty busy, full life but it's very routine.

Sorry, I'm just talking about myself but I totally understand where your heads at. I miss feeling sexy.

@Laceandflowers383 I’m sorry you feel this way too, although I’m glad to know I’m not alone.

I’m following the advice of the wise women on here and going to do some pilates.

I have always been very slender, and put on a stone during lockdown.
I didnt eat or drink more, but still.
at first I was horrified as my clothes were compromised and it felt alien, but I dare say some of it will drop off as I resume 'normality' whenever that happens....

one thing, my face is fucking awesome, so radiant and more youthful. I am 47. makes me wonder whether my thinner self was all that nice to be honest.
I do want to get fitter again though, so some of the weight will drop. I will regret if it leaves my face and shoulders though.

BTW, I don't look gaunt or 'haggard' when thinner, but less radiant, less of a glow. My face is fine at a lower weight but not as much as now.

[quote MsAnnFrope]@Laceandflowers383 I’m sorry you feel this way too, although I’m glad to know I’m not alone.

I’m following the advice of the wise women on here and going to do some pilates.[/quote]
Sorry, I was papping on about myself.

You know, going from 6 to 12 isn't that crazy in reality. It isn't hard to do. It doesn't surprise me after the year we have had. I wa always, permanently skinny before. Something about not moving around much really does affect our weight, even though science tells us it is mostly about food.

It is also fairly easy to drop down too, unless you have developed a new pattern of eating/drinking which will keep you at a higher weight.

my useless advice would be to try to not get too wound up in it, aim to get back to your old normal and allow your body to readjust. It will if you want it to, unless there are health related issues. Just keep up the fitness and drop a few cals per week.

I have never been very thin. Ranged from 10 to 18. Been a 14 for past couple of years. I have felt attractive at all those sizes but I definitely noticed I got the most male attention when I was around a 12 (5'6)

I think its totally dependent on where the fat sits. I've been a size 8 for 10 years and I know I looked much more attractive, even though I'm now a 10-12 and still slim. My face gets really round and an immediate double chin with a little bit of weight. My friend however is a 14-16 and has been bigger but she will always be pretty because of her features and her face never looks chubby

@WeirdArchitecture I love that you described your Fucking awesome face! It made me grin hugely.
I’ve been mostly an 8/10 for about the last 15 years. I think I’ve been comfort eating in lockdown so bring more mindful of that should help. I’m trying to get at least 10000 steps a day and do some form of exercise most days.

@Superfoodie123 it’s sitting even distributed over my bum thighs and boobs with a wee double chin and stomach pouch thrown in for good measure…

I am small 6-8 but put on some weight during lockdown. I really don’t like it. I have upped the exercises and am reducing food intake and it is coming off slowly and I feel more like me again.
I don’t notice a difference with my face but my foreo bear had lifted and built muscle so it doesn’t look haggard.

I was a skinny 8 for most of my life, now a much plumper 12. I still think I look good.
Body confidence isn’t about size.

It's the physical feeling of having fat all over me that I don't like. Not necessarily how I look. I think I still look nice in clothes but I don't feel nice.

I think most people have a size that suits them and that is not necessarily thin. Some people look sickly at a size 6 whereas others look healthy. Some people look great at bigger size, whereas others can't carry it well. I think it's to do with a lot of things such as bone structure, posture and confidence of course.

Hi op,

I’m completely with you and felt exactly the 2 weeks ago. I didn’t realise quite how unattractive I felt... it I was in such a fig, really down and felt dreadful. I’m 5 ft petite and 42 so any weight makes me look like a sack of potatoes.

I just felt so low that I went strict low card and no alcohol and yoga. Weights come off already. I feel alive, and happy and smiley. I even went shopping yesterday for clothes that are lively and I just couldn’t have done that before.
It does affect me enormously and I get to a point and just say ‘enough is enoug’ I want to feel good again about me and get me confidence back.
Somehow, the high fat in low carb doesn’t affect my face and makes it radiant - and for that and feeling happy and confident, I am grateful.