Why can’t I pull of the cool looks I want?

[RockstarMartini]

Like most people I’ve got into a bit of a rut with comfort dressing so I’m making a conscious effort to smarten up a bit. I just can’t pull it off though, everything looks wrong on me.

I have put on some weight over lockdown but I’ve seen people my size or bigger who look fab, I just look frumpy and uncomfortable.

I know the looks that I like but they just don’t seem to work on my size and shape for some reason and I just feel awkward and ridiculous.

I don’t really know what I’m asking but any advice would be very welcome!

No advice but following as I’m in the same position! So many cool looks but I just look ridiculous in them

Are you dressing for the size you are now or the size you were? It’s important to ensure the clothes you wear aren’t simply in your size but are suited to your shape, so consider the length and the cut. My friend is on the larger side but she always looks amazing and it’s because the clothes she wears really suit her body shape.

I’ve also gained weight over lockdown and the styles I wore this time last year just don’t suit me and it’s because the cut just isn’t right for my body shape.

Same here. I think its my shape. I'm not massive, but I don't have the classic hour glass shape.
I'm really tall and some of the things you would expect to look good on a tall person, just look shit on me.
I keep seeing people wearing maxi dresses that stop quite a bit above the ankles, or dresses that go just under the knee with denim or leather jackets and trainers. Live that style but I just don't suit dresses that length.

I don’t really know what suits me. I feel happiest in fairly casual clothes, not too fussy but with a bit of an edge. Years ago I did a style day and came out as Gamine but that doesn’t suit how I do or would like to look now 🤔

Example - I love the long loose dresses with trainers that people wear, people of all sizes. But I just look absolutely wrong in them, my boobs look enormous - in a mumsy not sexy way, they emphasise all my lumpy bits, I feel constricted and self conscious. But other people look great 🤦🏻

We all have a style personality and perhaps you are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole ?

I personally am ‘natural ingenue’ and would look very wrong and feel uncomfortable wearing dramatic , romantic or classic clothes for example.

I tell you what helped me. I got on Instagram and began to follow women like me who are interested in fashion. There are thousands. Use a hashtag to find ones like you. #fashionfor40s for example.

Some are full of ads but most are ordinary women shopping the high street. They do try ons etc so you get a good sense of the clothes. Follow women who gave similar body shape as you.

Sorry OP crossed posts . I see you have already answered about your style.

I feel the same OP & find it time consuming & depressing trying to buy any clothes that look nice on me. I’m 45 short, size 12 & have no idea what to buy or where to shop anymore. Sorry no help but following this.

If you feel constructed, size up

People can be wedded to their size, I wear size 10-16

For me clothes look better if they “hang” rather than “sit”, I think for a lot of people that’s the same. You then don’t feel constricted, or self conscious

Can you give an example (pic?) of a style you like, and why it looks wrong on you?

I find it interesting that people don’t know what suits them. Particularly women into their late 30s and beyond. We’ve had lots of practise!

I think trying to follow trends is the biggest mistake. Often there will be seasons when the shops are full of beautiful things in colours or cuts that don’t suit me and I have to know to hold back.

I usually start an outfit with trousers or jeans/joggers that suit my shape and build from there. I like a nice bag, shoes and earrings to make me feel ‘done’.

Ah, the floaty dress look when you have boobs. Put the dress back on, add a belt. Instantly look better.

On Instagram, try following BrummyMummyof2 , she does the less frumpy but comfy look while being curvy and not a teenager.

@Miseryisabutterfly - I wonder if its body shape changes and lifestyle changes hitting at the same time?

I found i lost my way at 30, but then I became a mother and my shape changed, and I stopped going into an office environment daily needing smart suits or equivalent clothing.

I know I found it hard to train myself away from automatically picking up clothes that suited my old body shape and old lifestyle, even if they were in my new dress size.

@RockstarMartini what size are you now (top and bottom) and what body shape are you?

I think your problem sounds like your trying to copy looks that while look great on some people, they won't in you because of your body shape. You either need to look at different styles or find a way to adjust them to make them work for you. You say you have big boobs - a floaty dress that hangs is going to do you no favours because it will just hang off them and make you look like your wearing a sack. As another poster mentioned try that style with a belt on your natural waistline to see if that helps. V-necks and deeper necklines will help you streamline that area as well.

What are some examples of the clothes you want to wear?

If you like long floaty dresses but struggle with the chest area, why don't you do a long floaty skirt with a t-shirt instead? Denim jacket and trainers. Same effect but more suited to your shape maybe?

I struggle with this too OP! I think for me it’s a mix of having an awkward body shape (a sort of ‘thin’ apple) and not having an eye for detail.

For example. I liked the long black dress look a few summers ago. I tried some and they looked frumpy so I gave up. Later, quite by chance I tried another and it was incredibly flattering. Turns out things like width of straps, position of seams and fabric all make a HUGE difference.

You (and everyone else) probably already know this, but I was 38 years old before I made the connection

I have recently realised that outfits need to fit close to the body in at least one place to flatter. I don’t know if this is a general rule or just something that works on me?

I’m slowly learning through trial and error...

Mamalovesleopard on insta has some great outfits which er on the casual side.

This is all really useful actually, I think I've just lost my way a bit - I've gone full circle through smart office jobs and school runs/practical 'mum' clothes and am now back to a fairly casual lifestyle like I had as an 18 year old student. I still love and feel comfy in the clothes I wore then and they'll always be my natural style but in my late 40s and recently divorced I need something that makes me feel a bit more 'wow' as well as feeling like 'me'.

My body shape is not easy - I've got a naturally 'soft' look - even when I'm slimmer I look squishy rather than elegant. I'm 5'2 and smallish framed with short legs but with big boobs and bum and at the moment a tummy as well. I'm anywhere between and 14 and an 18 depending where I shop.

I find getting clothes to fit really hard - I need bigger sizes because of my boobs but then they are always huge on the shoulders. Skirts and dresses are too long and I look like a child dressing up. So I stick to hoodies and sweatshirts that always fit and are comfy but don't really make me feel amazing.

I don't know where to start trying to buy some summer clothes - what to look for or which shops to try. I haven't got loads to spend but I'm past the age and size where I can pull off Primark etc.

I'm not even sure what I want to wear - I tried a shirt I thought looked good yesterday but I felt self conscious all day as it wasn't comfortable, didnt really fit and felt too try-hard. I think I just want to look effortlessly cool but don't we all!

Could you get stuff altered to fit you?

I am older
Than you and starting again clothes wise and I’m totally lost too

I can't pull off the trainers, especially white ones, with dresses. I don't look fresh at all when I doit!

It sounds as though you are going to be unhappy with the looks until you have lost some weight and got your body back to a more familiar ‘you’.

If that’s the case, don’t spend lots of money trying to achieve cool looks for Summer 2021, cos they won’t fit you when you are back to your usual size.

I found the most important thing for dressing for my shape was finding what neckline worked, and showing off my slimmest bits (waist, ankles, wrists, neck) not adding bulk. I can't do floaty or unstructured. Also, can you sew a bit? Being able to take up a hem or add a dart makes a difference

You should live here in Glastonbury - people wear what they want whether it suits them or not and couldn't care less
Last week I saw a fat old lady dressed entirely as a fairy and two barefoot wizards.
Everyday is entertaining here.

I’m the same OP. I know what I want to look like but I just don’t have the right face or body. I want to look quite gamine and sharp but I have the soft romantic hair and features of Kate Winslet. So the clothes I want to wear don’t work on me and don’t hang right. So do I just have to wear clothes that suit my physical look but don’t match my personal style? I don’t know the solution.

I think it's often the very small details that make an outfit on Pinterest or whatever work - a little tuck or accessories or whatnot. When I try and copy them they never look as good because I don't pay enough attention to the details (also possibly because I'm not a model).

You probably only need a few little tweaks to make the looks work for you. But the most important thing is that you're comfortable in what you're wearing.

I'd suggest joining some Facebook groups (Style Sisterhood is a good one that isn't affiliated to any particular stylist) or follow people on Instagram etc. You'll start to get a feel for what does and doesn't work for people and why, and what tweaks can be made to make things worse etc etc. It's easier to see these things on other people I think, and once you get a bit of an eye for it you'll find it much easier to apply some of it to yourself.

I tried the dresses with trainers look and, due to weight gain, I also looked mumsy and frumpy. I think it’s the weight on my chest that made it look so bad.

I have no solution, as I know the answer for me would be to lose the weight