Why can’t I pull of the cool looks I want?

[RockstarMartini]

Like most people I’ve got into a bit of a rut with comfort dressing so I’m making a conscious effort to smarten up a bit. I just can’t pull it off though, everything looks wrong on me.

I have put on some weight over lockdown but I’ve seen people my size or bigger who look fab, I just look frumpy and uncomfortable.

I know the looks that I like but they just don’t seem to work on my size and shape for some reason and I just feel awkward and ridiculous.

I don’t really know what I’m asking but any advice would be very welcome!

Well if you are a gamine then you will look wrong in long floaty baggy dresses. Why don’t you find a gamine style that works for you?

I'm trying to find my style again after getting really frumpy over the last 8 years of having children and gaining quite a lot of weight.

I find the only way is to order lots of things I like the look of online (disregarding what's 'in') and try it all on in different combinations and send back what I don't like.

I am still struggling with feeling comfortable in some items even though they 'suit' me because I have gotten so used to loose and frumpy everything else feels odd. You just have to push through a bit I think.

I'm in my 50s and the whole 'lose weight', I'd have to be miserable to be slim again (and no, I can't low carb, I don't care to eat much meat and I cannot eat dairy at all). So I just stop giving a fuck about cool looks.

House of Colour also do style sessions. I’ve not had one but I think they are probably invaluable as they tell you what suits your body type, eg size of earrings, best necklines, size of patterns. I think it’s quite scientific, eg what is the distance between your chin and your bust. It’s all the subtle little differences, eg a high neckline which still isn’t quite high enough isn’t flattering.You can wear great colours but if they are all in the wrong fabrics and shapes you probably might as well not bother. Kibbe body types is another methodology.

I also think it’s tempting and easier (as it’s what’s available) to go for the latest trends, eg mom jeans. I think it’s better to try and incorporate a hint of a trend, eg slightly looser jeans, and not lose sight of what suits you. For example me trying to wear v oversized clothes doesn’t really work. Finally I think less is often more when trying to look put together. It’s tempting and more exciting to spend lots on statement pieces when actually 80% of your wardrobe budget should be on the staples.

I think a good place to start is to look at websites of clothes brands to see which style is the closest to yours.

I am (very) late 40s & found I have had to reassess what type of styles I wanted to wear. I buy v selectively now & wait for sales / flash sales etc & buy fewer but more expensive things

I like wyse, Sezane, whistles, noa noa, cos, sandro, maje, the kooples.

I don't follow trends as such but I love to browse those sites & pick out the things that will add to what I already have or that will take what I already have in a new direction.

And then I had to get into the habit of actually just wearing the stuff! I felt good if a little self conscious but that passed in time & now I love getting dressed every day

Have a look at this YouTube channel . She has loads of tips of how to wear the same outfit in different ways.

This is the 2nd thread in S&B today where the issue seems to be the higher end of the high street doesn't really cater for petite woman, the younger /cheaper brands often do, but outside of Boden and Hobbs, there aren't many of the better quality shops that cater for those of us who have small frames, regardless of dress size.

I love whistles style, but it drowns me, even in the correct size. Clothes that don't fit are often frumpy, and shortening sleeves and hems doesn't always solve the problem.

Trying stuff on is the only way!

@MargosKaftan I agree!

At 5”2 and size 14-18 you are really overweight and will struggle to find clothes that look good. The simple answer is to loose 2-3 stone.

@MyDcAreMarvel

At 5”2 and size 14-18 you are really overweight and will struggle to find clothes that look good. The simple answer is to loose 2-3 stone.

So helpful. This isn't a diet/weight loss thread. Not everyone can lose that kind of weight.

That isn't helpful. Even if that was OPs ultimate goal, surely they need clothes that suit them and make them feel good in the meantime

What is "natural ingenue " ??

1. Regardless of size/weight loss I feel better in my clothes when I'm exercising regularly
2. are you happy with your hairstyle/colour? That can be an instant lift that you carry across every outfit. Ditto getting shellac nails - I always feel a bit funkier.
3. there are loads of styles in fashion that are deeply unflattering to our/your shape - have the strength to ignore the stuff that doesn't suit you and find the stuff that does. Even in the long floaty dress category there's a huge range of styles and cuts. If you can afford it then having alterations to make something fit you better can make a HUGE difference.

Would you post a photo of you in an outfit you feel good in/style you'd like to wear but feel you can't?

I am happy with my wardrobe and feel confident in my style and what suits. Two years ago I:

• Tried on everything in my wardrobe and only kept what looked good and what I felt comfortable in.
• some items I liked but were too small so I sized up.
• I sold 3/4 of my clothes in eBay and ploughed the money back into key pieces
• I bought and then returned, a fuck tonne of clothes. I forced my family to tell me how I looked in each item (all male, they were bored rigid).
• I did my own colours online and was really strict with only buying colours which made me look my best
• I went on Pinterest and search for stylish women wearing items of clothes I liked and noted how they styled them. That's the hardest bit for me, what goes with what and how should I wear it.

It took two years but I got there in the end.

OP, you sound like you are a similar size and shape to me. I’m 4’11, just turned 50, usually wear a 14 these days, and have an hourglass shape. My style is rather different to yours, I favour dramatic and classic styles, although that can be hard to pull off with my stature. Mostly I live in dresses to knee length or just above with tights and boots or Rocket Dog sneakers (can’t do heels any more and hate big trainers). Also straight leg jeans, rolled up just a bit, and jersey tops, ideally V neck. Generally I keep clothes very simple, because too much embellishment swamps me. I alter garments if the sleeves or legs or hems are too long, but if it sits wrongly at the shoulder or waist, then back it goes - I’d be better making something from scratch.

I do wear long dresses with trainers, I have big boobs but had to find a way to make it work as I loved the look.
I need a dress in very fluid fabric, preferably viscose or lyocell, so it hangs and drapes well.
It has to have a lower neck, pref V neck, high necks do not work on me.
I always wear a long vest top underneath so I feel 'contained'.
Lastly my Mint Velvet trainers have a slight lift too them, too flat just doesn't flatter me and really gives me back ache.
I suppose my point is that you can wear most things, you just have to find the way that suits you and you probably know what that is. Think about what things you've felt really great in and you'll probably see a pattern emerge. Also, nothing wrong with hoodies, I love a hoody, I wear a lovely long black Primark one with black leather leggings, boots or black trainers and a long denim jacket over the top, hood out!

@MyDcAreMarvel

At 5”2 and size 14-18 you are really overweight and will struggle to find clothes that look good. The simple answer is to loose 2-3 stone.

I’m this size and height roughly.

I take steroids and nerve painkillers due to a disability. I can’t go to the gym (disability means it would be a waste of time)

I eat as healthy as I can but the nerve painkillers and steroids have weight gain as a side effect.

Way to make me feel absolutely shit about myself so thanks for that.

Ignore her @Landedmydreamjob. Some people are just nasty.

@MyDcAreMarvel

At 5”2 and size 14-18 you are really overweight and will struggle to find clothes that look good. The simple answer is to loose 2-3 stone.

Oh do go away.

I'm the same height, size 18 and dress better than I ever did when I was thinner. It's amazing what happens when you actually take your business to places that make clothes to fit your size instead of trying to shrink yourself to fit in clothes.

As someone who has been thin and fat, my actual body shape has remained constant regardless of my size, so losing weight doesn't actually change what suits me at all.

In all honesty OP, I don't think long dresses suit short people. I need something knee length or shorter on me.

Shop at places with petite ranges or get your clothes altered for your height for a start. Look at fashion blogs online. I found one called putting me together that was good. It really showed that the right accessories and having things altered to actually fit make the biggest difference.

I look and feel better 'smarter'. Casual stuff like mum jeans, boyfriend jeans, hoodies and sweatshirts do nothing for me. I need clothes to have a bit of structure. I do have a lot of belts to pull things in at waist.

I have recently come to the conclusion that 90% of looking good is having good posture. It makes all the difference and turns frumpy outfits into something much more chic.

As a 5'1" woman, I do think the claim that long dresses don't suit is wrong, but they need to be maxi (or midi on a normal sized person that sit maxi on us!), full length dresses are more flattering than midi length or anything that cuts off between the knee and above ankle, ankle length or floor is best, then needs to be on the knee or above.

Where the waist sits is important- and belts. Add belts.

I'm similar height, but a definite pear shape. Years ago a Trinny&Suzanna programme recommended loose light tops and fitted darker bottoms for pears. I tend to think about that when I am shopping and it does help.

I think for hourglass shapes it was suggested to have fitted crossover tops, accentuate the slimmer middle and then loose bottoms.

Can't believe no-one's recommended Boob Or Bust yet! Getting the right-sized bra after I'd had two babies made a big difference for me.

Other than that my only recommendations are:

• try and find high-waisted jeans that suit you - not necessarily skinny - I find M&S boyfriend jeans are just high-waisted enough to b super comfy and look more current than skinnies on me now
• when you find something you really like, buy another one (this has never let me down!)
• spend good money on coats when required, especially if you live in the UK, where you need a coat 80% of the time

I subscribed to Lookiero in lockdown and it was a revelation! I’ve got so many options that I hadn’t thought of before and you don’t have to keep everything.