@thedevilinablackdress and @Blossomtoes Thank you - but that does illustrate a problem. That people internalise and share the default position of style = not disabled without meaning to.
Which feels pretty lousy, to be honest, and is at least a contributor to some people saying fashion/style is all a load of bollocks, because it's already rejected them; the hurt of knowing that in the eyes of others, your foot wear/clothing and by extension, your body, is disgusting and there's no excuse for it unless you advertise your medical details to gain permission to look ugly.
It carries on to clothing as well. Perhaps a stretchy wrap dress is horrible because it's not what is being worn by bright young things at present, but if you can't physically reach behind your back to do up or undo the zip of a beautifully tailored dress in your size because your shoulder will dislocate, and you still need to wear things at work that appear more formal than a nylon floaty flowery thing that'll go over your head, well, the stretchy wrap dress is the one that allows you to get in and out of it without difficulty.
Perhaps those leggings under a tunic are because they have POTS and need to wear compression leggings/tights to not faint when they stand up and would rather hear that it looks nice, rather than 'Oh, God, Mumsy Scruff' or suchlike? Or even that they know they cannot wear a dress that short at work because it's halfway up the thigh/the first puff of wind would have their backside or Psoriasis on show if bare legs and fake tan are the only acceptable option now tights are 'dated'? Do they want to have to justify asking about them by prefacing everything with their medical details? I certainly don't; it's boring for me to have to think about them all the time, I'd rather a bit of relief from it all.
Like I said earlier in this thread about the suggestion of splitting the board into fashion and comfortable, it creates a division of 'Young/using aesthetic procedures/slim and rich Fashion and Style' and 'Poor/fat/disabled and old Wearing Clothes'. I still want to look good and at least vaguely aware of trends - in reality, not looking quite so much like a sack of spuds tied up ugly whilst keeping my employers happy is my goal.
I've no idea what percentage of my disposable income I've spent on Fashion and Beauty since I got my first Saturday job aged 15. But it's a hell of a lot. I don't want to completely drop out of all consideration of style because the disabilities have progressed since that point. I've had lovely advice on this board - but at the same time, there is a constant drip-drip-drip in S&B which does whisper 'What we actually mean is that there's no place for your kind here'.
I'm not directing all of this at just you two, please don't think that and I do really appreciate your responses - but things like 'no excuse' really do reinforce that feeling that society doesn't want you in their gang, and you should be somewhere off in the distance/a darkened room not offending their eyes.