I am trying to dig myself out of a hole

[Laaaayla]

I’m a mess.

My mental health has been absolutely ravaged by lockdown and work and raising my kids. I’m about three stone overweight. I have no nice clothes to wear and I can’t find any that fit. My face is a mess. I look and feel so tired and puffy I could just cry whenever I look in the mirror.

I have no clothes. My make up looks like face paint. My hair is dire (I haven’t had time to get it cut but I have finally sorted an appointment for this week).

Anyone else in this situation? Can anyone give me some tips on where to even begin with this mess?

Good luck with it OP. You sound like you have an excellent plan.

When setting a new goal for myself I find it helpful to reset my focus away from what I am trying to achieve (weightloss/fitness etc) and concentrate more on how I will feel in a week having stuck to my plan and so much better than feeling cross with myself because I haven’t. So I get a great feeling from having done ten minutes of kettlebells every day, even though that has not made me toned and slim yet. It breaks the task into manageable chunks.

OP I bought an old and uncool Wii over lockdown for £50 ish. The Zumba and Just Dance games £10 each ish have stripped the lockdown fat off me, improved my ranking mental health and been a real lifeline during The Lockdowns. I can leap around like an uncoordinated hippo in my own home to my heart's content. I urge you to follow suit.

OP, I put on four stone in weeks in my 40s when I was ill. Like you I am small and every ounce showed. Thought I was having a breakdown but it was thyroid, not that it makes much difference.

I’ve never felt so tired in my life, was well used to 12 hour days.

My advice: don’t bust a gut to lose weight when you’re this weak and fragile. Do the instant fixes first and get more exercise rather than fewer calories. And 20 minutes a day of breathing work brings calm and perspective to the situation.

I get what you're saying with the PON taking a long time. What about signing up to try a hello fresh or similar. I'm sure you'll get good deals for your first box. They send you recipes and the full ingredients for your meals for the week and all you need to do is put it together. It might be perfect to thing the meal prep out of your schedule and introducing healthy dinners. Don't worry if you're fussy, you fill out a quiz and put what you do and don't like and they cater to suit. I have a friend that uses it all the time.

I’m going to look at Hello Fresh. My in laws have been using it and swear by it.

I’ve actually been undergoing tests for endometriosis (a whole other story) so I had my iron levels, thyroid etc checked the other week and they were all normal. I have wondered about depression but I suspect it’s more situational. I am job hunting like a demon but I don’t live in a place where there are millions of opportunities and I can’t take a big pay cut or a long commute right now. So it’s difficult.

What I have to say may be somewhat controversial but I see all the time that people pay lip service to understanding and accepting mental health issues - still seeing it as a form of weakness and the problem is that the illness itself creates these feelings. It should not be true and it probably is not true that taking time off for illness will/should trash a professional career - needing support - time off etc for a limited period of time should not end a career which could span 40 years!

So my advice is to be kind to yourself and think about whether you have to be “perfect” to be successful.

A couple of years ago I put on weight and then one day I decided to do something about it!

I bought new jeans in the next size up!!!

I wouldn’t focus on buying loads of new clothes if you want to lose weight. I also wouldn’t bother with a gym membership either-I hate the gym and would never go. I’d start with going for a twenty minute brisk walk every night after dinner. Every night.

Weight loss is mostly diet though-so think about changes you can make there-it’s summer so salads with chicken and salmon are good places to start.

Drink lots of water.

Get your hair cut/coloured and buy some lovely shampoo/conditioner to keep it feeling nice.

Buy some moisturiser and use it twice a day. Doesn’t have to be expensive-Astral is good.

Get a decent amount of sleep.

Hi OP, I’m in a similar position, have gained weight over the last year and seem to have aged about ten years over the course of the year too. Most my clothes don’t fit but I don’t want to buy bigger so I have bought clothes that are very giving including trousers with elasticated waists 🤣, baggy T-shirt’s seem to be in fashion which is a bonus.

I am dieting by calorie counting, I did a trial with noom which was great but I can’t afford to continue with it, I would recommend it though if you can afford it, it makes you rethink what your eating and gives you more options of better things too eat as well as calorie counting. I’m now exercising more too.

I haven’t had my hair cut for years but am considering it 🤣

So I think by the sounds of it taking some time off (or GPs can sign you down to reduced hours if you can't face time off) might be what you need to get you back on an even keel. I ended up on part time hours (GP) recently as I was just exhausted and honestly it was a really good thing. It hasn't fixed it but it gave me some time to get my act together.

@laaayla does your gym do group exercise... much easier to get into than the gym. Also sign up for an intro gym session to be shown around and get a simple workout plan

Wash hair, dry hair, style your way.
Clean nicely styled hair makes me feel better.
I wash, dry , straighten and I feel so much better.

I think sleep is the key. If I don’t sleep, I eat badly and don’t have the energy for anything. Work stress can have an horrendous impact on sleep so I would try to do something about your work situation first. Easier said than done I know.

I second Hello Fresh or Gousto. Genius if you are time poor and you can make healthy choices from their options.

Also walking is brilliant. I had never realised how brilliant it is before lockdown as I usually swim or go to the gym and thought of walking as not proper exercise. During the last lockdown I started to walk 10,000 steps a day every day and it has really toned my legs and I got into really good shape too. I made sure I walked up a few hills too. It’s also really good for having some time to yourself and think things over or maybe call a friend and chat while you walk? I am now back in the gym, but will continue to do lots of walking too.

I think it takes as long to recover as it took the damage to be done. If you accept that in your heart you can relax inwardly that it isn't all going to be fixed overnight. That makes it easier to do one thing at once. So just pick one thing you can change that is an improvement to your routine/exercise/diet/self care/positive social feedback (who is your biggest fan, talk to them).
Then make that change and try to do it most days for 3 weeks or so, once you feel it is secure, see if you can change one more thing. Never look up at the mountain, it's too much only ever look at your next step. While you are taking a positive step look in the mirror and give yourself a part on the back, smile, say well done. Accept your hard working self and that person in the mirror who has withstood great pressure of late, think of what you would say to a friend in your situation.
You've been an amazing tower of strength for your family, that is an achievement.
One change only at a time.

I agree sleep is key. I think there have been studies on that.

My sleep is terrible though, so I hide the carnage with a shed load of makeup 😂

Have you thought of hello fresh or gusto?

I don't have much advice but just to say I've felt similar to you. Drinking more water and trying to get out more, plus St John's Wort supplement has made a big difference.

So a little update today.

Had a nice day of shopping with my eldest. I didn’t buy much. A couple of new pairs of leggings and some new underwear. A primer. An expensive shampoo and conditioner.

Then when DH finished work I did my half an hour in the gym! Just half an hour of walking uphill on the treadmill while listening to shagged married annoyed, then home (forgot my mask and I was mortified!)

And I’m so proud of myself because we have stormy weather today and it would have been so easy to say I’ll just go tomorrow...

I’m feeling pretty good. Motivated. Optimistic. Sick about work tomorrow but nothing new there. I’m going to go back to the gym for another half hour tomorrow. My plan once the girls are asleep tonight is to shower with my new shampoo and paint my toenails then go to bed early with a cup of tea and an episode of a greys anatomy.

I’m going to try to keep this up till Sunday and see if I feel any better.

@Laaaayla yay! Well done!

Brilliant! Let us know how you feel after the week.

Really pleased you had a good day

That sounds like such a positive day

Congrats on today!! Woohoo!
I'm also feeling like I've abandoned myself over the last year and a bit and this thread has been amazing for inspiration, and helping me realise we deserve to love ourselves. So thank you for being brave enough to post it, as it has really helped others. And thank you everyone for your caring suggestions.
Onwards and upwards for us all!

Same. Two years ago I was 3 stones lighter. Gained most of the weight during lockdown. It's come to the point that I don't want to meet/see people.

I think walking is so underrated as an exercise. Well done you for getting started.