Never been to a funeral before.. what am I supposed to wear?!

[24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed]

I think the combination of never having been to a funeral before, and working from home in joggers and the occasional ‘nice’ jumper for video meetings means I have absolutely no clue?

Is it wrong to want to look nice? I’m short with big boobs and wide hips (fat arse) so want something that will be flattering and not make me look frumpy

Help! .. bonus points for pictures/links.

IMO it depends on your relationship to the deceased. So for example a friend's parent, an older neighbour or similar I'd tend to wear muted colours & reasonably formal. I've got some soft dark grey smart trousers which I'd wear with a camel or lighter grey top.

Friend/family member - really it depends so much on the family, whether black & formal is appropriate, or whether something a little softer will fit in better. Or of course sometimes families request to wear colours.

(And of course it's fine to want to look nice.)

Something appropriate and suitably sober. (I most certainly wouldn't show any cleavage). Black and dark colours are usual but not necessarily expected, some people state they want mourners to wear colour.

I understand you want to look nice, but remember, it's not about you. As an aside, it is traditional for some Jews to cover all mirrors in the immediate period after a death in the family, and they remain covered as they sit shiva. Some rio heir clothing too. Both serve things are done as to remind the mourner that it is not a time for vanity.

I always wear black. I think it's respectful and smart. I've told my family I don't want a colourful funeral 😉

I tend to go for muted toned workwear. So a black pencil dress or similar.

Unless specific colours or lack of black is requested...

Then black or at a push dark grey or navy and about the same level of formal as office wear.

I always wear a very conservative black dress and a black suit jacket. Minimal jewellery, light make-up etc. I look like I'm going for a very formal job interview.

Of in doubt or if you feel black is a bit much, wear navy or dark grey. Oh and a smart seasonally appropriate coat works wonders!

I don't know if you watched Prince Philip's funeral, but if you did you may be wondering about a hat; that really wouldn't be needed.
Personally, I'd give the towering heels a miss too but I'm not great on stilts

I have a funeral dress which is this one, usually with a black blazer or dark grey coat depending on weather
Black tights and black shoes

I wore a black chiffon blouse and black knee length skirt to father's funeral. I also wanted to wear black tights and for reasons that now make no sense, my favourite pair of black spiky heels. It cheered me up to know that I looked elegant, because I know he would have liked it.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

Unless there's a wake (not possible in the uk at the moment as far as I know) I would say it's unlikely you'll take your coat off - The service, whether in a church or crematorium (or elsewhere?) isn't usually more than 20 minutes and the spaces can be a little chilly. I'd focus on wearing a nice dark coloured coat, with black tights and low heeled black shoes.

Unless anything particular is requested, smart and tidy in muted colours. Doesn't have to be total black but darker is respectful.

I also think it isn't the time for staggering heels, short skirts and low necks. Funeral not nightclub.

I have one pair of non- trainer shoes I can wear, because it is now impossible to buy women's shoes unless ballet flats or unwalkable heels. They will have to last the rest of my life if I am to be respectable at funerals.

I always wear a black dress, but that is because I’ve reached a stage in life where I always have funeral clothing ready (size rarely changes and need it often enough) and one side of my family is traditional catholic whose funerals skew a bit towards what you see in movies.

Most funerals don’t look like the movies.

Conservative is more important than color. Something that fits well and maybe looks a little polished or like you made an effort will do. The last funeral I attended was an extremely hot summer day. Most of the women were in relatively plain summer dresses. Lots of navy and green. Some in pants and blouses.

If a dress - below the knee and shoulders covered, preferably down to elbow. Avoid low neckline. There are some lovely black jumpsuits about which if paired with a jacket or shrug look nice and fashionable but could be accessorised to varying degrees of formality.

@murbblurb

I have one pair of non- trainer shoes I can wear, because it is now impossible to buy women's shoes unless ballet flats or unwalkable heels. They will have to last the rest of my life if I am to be respectable at funerals.

What's wrong with black loafers?

Sorry for your loss OP

Personally I always wear black tailored clothes with a smart black coat. Smart but understated. Use what you already have. At funerals I've been to there are always people who look like they've dressed to pop out to the shops, I think that's fine. The respect comes from attending.

Wear comfy shoes as there can be standing around or uneven surfaces.

Take tissues, it's a nice way to acknowledge someone near you who is upset.

Every funeral I've attended I have been struck by the professionalism and sensitivity of the undertaker, you quietly get guided through everything. What you're wearing pales into insignificance on the day, in a nice way.

I am so sorry for your loss OP. I agree with the majority of the responses. Shoulders covered and knees, and I always go black because it's very difficult to feel inappropriate at a funeral wearing black.

I'm also sadly in the market for a funeral dress @QueenPaw can I ask where the one you posted is from?

I don't own any black clothing, so I have worn navy to funerals. Skirt and cardigan and a navy coat. Dark and unobtrusive.

I have also worn scarlet on one occasion and a fuchsia pink jacket on another when bright colours were requested.

Unless it is someone you are close to ..shoulders covered , darkish respectful clothes .

For my dad's funeral I wore a multi coloured tunic dress with black leggings underneath, long purple suede boots, a black funnel neck wool coat & a scarf, you could only see my knees in the leggings but they were more comfortable & warmer than wearing tights. None of us wore all black, not even my mum.

If I don’t know what’s expected I have a few different work wear options depending on season.

I have a black pencil dress which is good for colder weather, with tights. It’s fitted but not too fitted, short sleeve and below knee. Reasonably flattering though. Had it forever but it’s not worn much.

The last one I went to was in height of summer, that was harder. I wore black suit trousers with a smart mostly black patterned work top, with a blazer (that I mostly didn’t wear). It was a bit warm but nothing else felt appropriate.
I also have a navy dress that would also be ok but it’s sleeveless so needs a jacket. I think black, grey, navy is fine and it doesn’t have to be block colour or too dull, just fairly modest and doesn’t draw attention.
You can feel nice in something that flatters and fits well but isn’t showy.

I’ve been to a few that specified bright colours etc but they are rarer.

@showmethegin it's an old one sadly so out of stock but from Boden. Worth a look at their site to see if they have similar as it was sold as a tunic but it's very much a dress! I have the long length and am 5ft 10 and it's below the knee

This is v similar
https://www.phase-eight.com/product/selima-twist-front-dress-208379050.html

Cheaper
https://www.roman.co.uk/twist-front-34-sleeve-shift-dress-14109008?istCompanyId=2c7d42bf-c86e-4126-852a-34976c2accf2&istFeedId=2671bd7b-958a-4180-b178-22e89d93d179&istItemId=immlxippl&istBid=t&utmsource=google&utmmedium=Shopping-Paid&utmcampaign=Whoop-Mobile&utmterm=%7Bkeyword%7D&utmcontent=%7Bkeyword%7D&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIeDsyISi8AIVkdV3Ch3brAccEAQYAiABEgJN1DBwE

I wouldn't go for full on black if you're not very close family, unless you know that everyone will be in black. If the immediate family aren't all in black, it will look a bit OTT.

Last funeral I went to, I wore black trousers, navy jacket with a top in a neutral colour - all of which I already had. Grey would be equally acceptable.

As pp have said, not too short and no plunging necklines.