Never been to a funeral before.. what am I supposed to wear?!

[24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed]

I think the combination of never having been to a funeral before, and working from home in joggers and the occasional ‘nice’ jumper for video meetings means I have absolutely no clue?

Is it wrong to want to look nice? I’m short with big boobs and wide hips (fat arse) so want something that will be flattering and not make me look frumpy

Help! .. bonus points for pictures/links.

Yes, that dress looks completely fine. In my experience, there is often quite a lot of standing around outside at funerals, (although that might be different during covid), so I would also take a jacket or cardigan if the weather forecast is chilly.

@PresentingPercy

It’s interesting that posters say no one will notice what you wear and then others say they really did notice the jeans and trainers.

Lots of adults are now requesting no black. It’s pretty normal as is rock music in the service. Natural burials often don’t have mourners in black. The Royal Family might do it (which dates from Queen Victoria) but lots of people are choosing to move on!

I think.it depends who is wearing the jeans/trainers. If it's a nurse who's been working g nights and not had a chance to go shopping or othwr innocent explanation then fair enough. In my SIL's case I think it was probably a deliberate act of disrespect.

I would generally wear something dark. When I wore something bright as instructed loads were in dark clothes and I felt disrespectful and wished I'd just had a bright scarf.

@Rainallnight I suppose, I’m 24 and I guess I’m just lucky that no one that close to me has died yet (until now)!

Ok I feel much better now; I have anxiety so I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal to a lot of you but I get really anxious that people are judging me so finding something appropriate is a big deal to me; I wanted to look nice enough not to look awful and draw attention yet not too showy to again, draw attention.. let alone the fact the attention should be on mourning the loss of our family member

I am sorry for your loss.That dress is ok.Do think carefully about a coat- as others have said, the last funeral I went to was so quick (bc of Covid) that I did not take my coat off. The wake was not indoors, it was just chatting outside the crematorium- again, cold and wearing a coat. So have a think about outerwear.

I wore a purple blouse with a dark blue skirt to my fathers funeral. Any subdued colour or outfit is now considered appropriate. It doesnt have to be black and most people are not going to go and buy a special outfit. even if they are close relatives. Its a waste of money as you may never wear it again. You make do with what you have. If you dont have an all subdued outfit you can always quickly make a black armband of the type they use in military or corporate environments.

I always just wear black trousers, black top/black shirt and my black coat. Just nondescript all the way so you can fade in and also so you can wear the clothes again without them reminding you of the sadness

All black doesn’t remind you of sadness? That’s the uniform for sadness.

At 24, op, seriously - no one will judge you. My dad died when I was 24. I remember wearing a dark maroon dress and my mum wore a grey skirt suit. Hardly anyone wore all black and this was 40 years ago! Men tend to wear black ties now with grey suits.

If it rains, wear a mac. Take an umbrella. Take a bag with tissues, make up and look at how to donate for a nominated charity. Wear something warm as a coat if it’s cold. Never mind the colour! But muted would allow you to blend in I guess.

Well, black.

What you'd wear to a smart office, but black.

No miniskirts
Nothing too trendy
Wear something that will cover your shoulders, at least during the ceremony.
Heels that aren’t too high, or wear flats.
Minimal makeup.

All black doesn’t remind you of sadness?
As in if you wear the top again, it's just another top, or the trousers or the shoes. If you get dressed up in eg a very fancy top then you won't wear the outfit again, it'll always remind you

I would go through your wardrobe first and find out if you have a dark coloured dress or trousers that would do. You are unlikely to want to wear your funeral outfit a lot outside of funerals, so it isn't worth spending a lot of money on something new. I usually wear a black knee length dress with black tights and ankle boots. The dress is sleeveless, so I put a top underneath so my arms are covered and wear a black cardigan if it is cold. Other people I have seen in other dark colours, including black jeans.

It isn't like a wedding where everyone is looking at each other's outfits and admiring/judging them. The focus is people who knew the person coming to pay their respects and say goodbye. It isn't an occasion that is about the good outfits.

You may find you won’t want to wear your funeral outfit again. I can never wear what I’ve worn as it makes me feel too sad.

I have zero recollection of what I have worn to nearly every funeral, so there's no prospect of me not wanting to wear it again due to feeling sad.

I do know what I wore to my dad's last year but only because it was in lockdown and I had to choose it weeks before the funeral to pack it to take with me before he'd even died. It was a navy tea dress with white spots. I don't have an issue wearing it again.