Never been to a funeral before.. what am I supposed to wear?!

[24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed]

I think the combination of never having been to a funeral before, and working from home in joggers and the occasional ‘nice’ jumper for video meetings means I have absolutely no clue?

Is it wrong to want to look nice? I’m short with big boobs and wide hips (fat arse) so want something that will be flattering and not make me look frumpy

Help! .. bonus points for pictures/links.

What they ^ all said. Smart, modest and dark.

Smart and modest are far more important than black. Eg navy knee length or longer skirt / dress much better than black short tight mini dress or black skinny jeans.

It’s ok to wear eg a coloured blouse or top as long as it’s not a bright colour or brightly patterned. So a pale blue or white blouse, navy trousers and a dark grey coat would be fine.

Remember that the men ( especially older men) will wear a white shirt and black tie. So it’s not all black.

It doesn't matter if you look frumpy, if the alternative is jeans, joggers denim, coloured trainers, sportswear, plunging necklines, anything with cartoons or logos or anything you would wear clubbing.

Subtle make up and jewellery only. You are not trying to draw attention to yourself.

Wear a coat - it’s always freezing at funerals. If it’s at a crematorium you may have to queue outside first. In the unlike event that it’s a sudden heatwave you can carry it over your arm.

Borrow a smart coat if you don’t have one.

I have a plain black shift dress that I bought from Next.

It's similar to this one.

www.next.co.uk/style/ST494243/279574?dp=a&msclkid=9c8896f0ef0211b83f86f67a95a90683&gclid=9c8896f0ef0211b83f86f67a95a90683&gclsrc=3p.ds#279574

It's my all-purpose funeral dress because I don't weat black usually.

I would go understated. I think that's the key thing. Black, navy, grey preferably, but just not making it about you, which I'm sure you wouldn't

The last funeral I went to, I think I wore a grey dress which was below the knee and a black cardi over the top. If I had to go to one tomorrow, I'd probably wear a navy skirt, with a white top and navy sweater, as that's all I have in dark colours. I wouldn't go shopping for it personally. Not like I might for a wedding for example.

I have a 'funeral top' that hangs in the back of my wardrobe that I hope not to look at too often.

It looks like a black cardigan with a purple top underneath but it's all in one. It's simple but quite formal.

Depending on time of year I wear black trousers or skirt & black ballet pumps.

Getting a good black coat is a sadly useful wardrobe addition.

Then wear anything in somber colours underneath. Black is always appropriate, but dark grey or navy are fine. Victorian second mourning included lavender and white, and white is a preferred colour in some communities. But anything subdued and not particularly eyecatching will be fine. So restrained and slightly formal. No cleavage and be wary of shiny, see through and embellishments

I’ve got this- is this ok? With probably black tights and a small heel (flats will make me look stumpy!)
I couldn’t find any that were plain black unfortunately.

Yeah, that looks fine. Honestly, you can't go wrong with a dark ish colour at funerals, unless there is a dress code. It's one of those events where nobody will be looking at anyone else's outfit, unless it's hugely inappropriate.

I wore a black ditsy flowery dress with a black thin cardigan for my dad’s funeral. He would have approved, he never liked to be dressed up in formal wear.

If there’s only 30 people, you cannot avoid looking around.

Sometimes the family ask for colours to be worn. I wore a bright yellow coat to a funeral recently. A grey/mustard tweed coat to a winter one. Black is worn quite often but don’t wear black and navy or look like you are a barrister.

The dress is perfectly ok. What would you wear over it? There is always standing around.

I wore navy to both my parents’ funerals. It was a bit of an homage to my mum as she lived in navy.

I think your dress is totally appropriate OP.

I have a specific "funeral" dress. It's just black knee length crepe, 3/4 sleeve with a not-too-low neck. It's thin enough to wear on its own for a warm day or to layer up for winter.
Had it for years. I honestly recommend everyone has one, it just hangs there at the back of the wardrobe for when you need it.

Except from what I’ve seen, black is worn less and less. Lots of women in particular no longer wear a LBD as the person who has died doesn’t want that dress code. So they specify no black!

Yes that’s right that organisers of some funerals (seems to be more children’s funerals, though I could be wrong) ask mourners not to wear black. In the absence of that request you can’t go wrong with a dress such as the OP has pictured.

Not jeans looking at you sister-in-law

Nobody will notice what you wear unless it’s really inappropriate. DGM's funeral was in a tiny chapel so only 10 other people. I could just about tell you what DM wore, but no-one else.

You'll need a coat or jacket.

If it’s a burial and you are going to the graveside, then shoes that won't sink into the grass.

Mask.

Looks absolutely fine. I don't think people these days are concerned about black, but it's an easy go to. No one is likely to notice what people are wearing unless it's particularly bright. I have a smart felt coat that I wear for funerals, but my ever day coat is yellow so need an alternative. I have a couple of dresses that do the job, one has a coloured pattern, but its smart with muted shades. The most important thing is you feeling comfortable in what you're wearing.

If it's a burial wear shoes that will be okay on grass. Remember to consider a mask, I hadn't thought about one for the last funeral I attended and it was stressful searching for a suitable one just as we were leaving the house!

Formal black knee length dress from next

Black and modest, and you can't go wrong unless a particular theme or colour is requested.

Black mask from Amazon

I know this is missing the point, but how have you never been to a funeral before? Are you very young?

I’m not from this country so I might have misunderstood.

The dress looks fine. Recently I wore a black polo neck jumper with black pants and brogues, with a plain black bag. It was snowing so I wore my thickest coat which was darkish but not black. Basically anything simple, modest and dark (not jeans and trainers like my DH’s family did 🙄)

It’s interesting that posters say no one will notice what you wear and then others say they really did notice the jeans and trainers.

Lots of adults are now requesting no black. It’s pretty normal as is rock music in the service. Natural burials often don’t have mourners in black. The Royal Family might do it (which dates from Queen Victoria) but lots of people are choosing to move on!

It’s interesting that posters say no one will notice what you wear and then others say they really did notice the jeans and trainers.

I think people actually said, nobody will notice unless it is hugely inappropriate/very bright. Jeans and trainers are inappropriate. Noticabely so. Unless there is a specific casual dress code at the request of the family or similar.

Noticeably*