Should I embrace white hair at 47?

[Silverparting]

I found my first grey at 19. Have naturally dark brown hair, eyes and very pale skin. Dark brown eyebrows.

I've been dyeing my hair for 30 years. For a long time I've gone to the hairdresser for a number 6 permanent dark brown base, coupled with a blonde tsection every five weeks, cost £80. It looks great for a week, goes brassy and the greys come after two weeks.

In lockdown I've been dyeing my hair with Majirel a 7.3 in a bid to go lighter. I have to do my roots every two weeks! Even then there's a white spot at the back and I don't love the colour.

I'd say my hair is white and I am toying with the idea of growing it out, but then adding blonde highlights once it is all white, if I don't like it.

I have just started Curly Girl and was amazed to see some great results after a week. It's made me enjoy my hair again.

I'm so fed up of dyeing my hair every two weeks and not loving it.

Has anybody gone white, not just grey, in their 40s? I think if I was slate grey it might be easier.

Attached is a pic of my blorange and root growth after less than two weeks. This was pre curly girl so ignore the frizz. Have NC as still embarrassed about hair.

But what does a 40 year old look like ? Or a 55 year old ? Where's the checklist to tick off to say you look older or younger ? Who are you comparing yourself with ? A celebrity who's had tons of work done ? Everything is so skewed now - I know 26 year olds having botox for non existent wrinkles !
However much we kid ourselves, most people look their age, a head of box dyed brown hair or professionally done highlights doesn't change the fact that most of us have some evidence of ageing, be it wrinkles, age spots or sagging. Who cares !

@Cocolapew

You know why it's annoying to say you're going to look older? It's that it's just plain rude. Nobody has any idea what anyone else will look like with their natural hair colour. Yes some will look older, but there is people who dye their hair that look older than they are. Either through badly dyed too dark hair, their clothes, their skin, their posture,their attitude. It's the blanket 'omg only old prople are grey' slightly sneery attitude that rubs us who are grey up the wrong way.

Well said.

You'll never find a man asking your question, OP. Rarely, anyway.
Embrace the white hair! I'm 49 and I love my platinum-silver streaks (I'm lucky that they do look rather cool- strategically placed ).
But why do we as women even give a shit about going gray? It's really not that big a deal. I love not dying my hair. My hair's much healthier as well. I pile it up into a big sliver nest on top of my head. I feel way more confident about my looks since I just said, "Fuck it! Welcome crows feet, deep smile lines, gray hair, and the rest of you bastards who've come to remind me that I'm still here! Come on in and settle down."

@FastingBitchFace looking closely at that photo the woman is wearing less make up with her grey hair than with the dyed colour. Her skin looks more glowing and her eyes look a brighter colour. I think she looks far better with her natural colour. I’m not an expert on these things, but I think her face looks softer and less harsh now.

I grew out the dye over the year between 49 and 50. My hair is pretty white. Slightly darker at the back. I use a purple shampoo and emphasise my still dark eyebrows and lashes, and I love the contrast. I certainly dont look younger than I did with dyed brown hair. Not sure if i look older. I certainly dont look worse though.

OP I've got 10 years on you and am increasingly white and grey. This is me parting it to show you the whitest part. This is 5 months of no hilights and it looks okay- far better than mu mates with dark roots. I'm off today for cut and colour - glorious!- I have organic light blonde hilights and only need them done every 3 months but it makes my hair look warmer and a nice blonde mix.

And also don't forget that in these 'before and after' photos the person is often actually a good few years older in the grey shot than the dyed one because it takes that long to grow out!

That's the mistake I was making, looking back at old photos of me with glossy dark dyed hair and thinking, wow - I look so much younger. No shit sherlock, it was 5 years ago, before I'd started the interesting voyage into menopause. Going back to dyeing wouldn't reset the clock on the changes to my skin or eyelashes or any of the other things that gradually alter as we get older.

I look better with grey hair. My skin and hair are harmonious. Which makes dressing easier (able to work out a capsule wardrobe/colours since going grey). Wayyy more confident. Better in every way.

I have no idea, not care if I look older. Across a room/supermarket no-one will mistake me for a 20 year old because of the grey. So yes, it will pigeon hole me into the "over a certain age". But really? Do I care what some random from Sainsburys/ Waitrose/Lidl thinks of me?

My improvement in confidence far outweighs any additional years the grey may give me.

Maybe it is the two fingers to the patriarchy as well as actually, really looking better.

Instead of growing it out ask if the salon can use a colour reducer on it to gently remove the artificial pigments. It's not damaging and the professional reducers give fantastic results without compromising condition. This will then give a more even colour from root to tip. You can then discuss the next step - either leave it, use a semi colour as needed or more permanent weaves/slices. I did loads of reducer services in November where ladies had started the growing out process, got great results from it. Do not allow a salon to bleach bath it though or use a colour stripper, only a colour reducer will target the artificial pigments and not effect your natural ones therefore retaining condition and internal structure of the hair shaft.

I look better with grey hair. My skin and hair are harmonious.

Yes! In my own case, my skin tone and wrinkles are complemented/softened by my gray hair.

I haven't read the thread but I am firmly on the "don't dye" side of the fence. All that money you spend on hair dye you could spend on a consultation with a make up artist and get some fabulous new makeup. I know some amazingly stylish middle aged women who have embraced their grey/white/silver and look gorgeous.

El and Puffa
Your hair looks fabulous.

I have been 'trying on' different hair colours using sites where you can upload a photo and select various shades, just to get a rough idea of what might suit.
There's no white option, but I tried on greys and ash blondes and they look OK. The darker greys look better than the lighter greys though and am worried my white is too light.

There is a halfway house though, as Puffa mentioned, with lowlights/highlights on grey/white hair.

People saying ''why is ageing a bad thing?'' are naive.
I'm single and have given up even trying to date. Nobody in my age range is interested. At work, the younger people go out (or did, pre-covid) they're only sitting in pubs drinking wine and eating chips, it wouldn't kill them to ask the older woman but they don't. Recruitment agents don't want women with grey hair. A woman with grey hair is not the right fit. In shops, they serve the woman behind me. I don't get upset by that though. But I can see that there are social and economic benefits to not flinging yourself too obligingly in to ageing.

The women who look great with grey hair would all look great regardless. For the rest of us, maybe we need the props.

I'm not dying mine, same age but thankfully naturally blonde. The white bugs me but blends quite well, dp says it looks fine and dying isn't great for hair. Not had it dyed since feb 20 so far

I've worked in recruitment and hospitality. I can assure you that the vast majority of workers in those industries do not care what colour your hair is.

As for men not wanting to date women in their own age range, oh god yes! But your age range doesn't change if you dye your hair.

Oh and not relevant to the thread, but most recruiters also do not discard CVs because the applicant has a 'silly' or 'downmarket' name either!

Age discrimination definitely exists. But hair dye doesn't change your age. You normally have to provide ID with a date of birth on it, sometimes even at interview. You won't convince them you're 35 instead of 50, not matter how good your dye job. So do what makes you happy.

The narrative that women MUST dye their hair or else they won't be given a job, or snag a man makes me irked tbh.

I stopped dying my hair 2 years ago, I genuinely had no idea how grey I was as I had been dying it for so long. I chopped it all off really short and grew it out from there. Its been so so much easier.

I have chronic health conditions including back problems and hours in the hairdresser chair was getting very uncomfortable never mind the expense. My hair is now a mix of white, silver brown and blonde, and now its longer I love the multi-tonal aspect of it. It might age me but honestly who cares, its so much shinier and healthier too.

To me aging is better than the alternative 😉...er...death.

Dyeing your hair to cover your natural colour is fine. It will potentially knock a few years off you? Possibly? For anyone judgy enough to be pigeon holing you according to age. so why does their opinion matter. I know for many years it made me feel better about myself.

And some people will feel better continuing to dye, for many reasons as well as for covering greys.

Others of us maybe get to the point where we question it, want to stop. Fear the judgement of others is often what stops us.

Let's support everyone in their choices.

OP, I was light brown/ blonde anyway so easier for me but my sister (older) was almost black and her hairdresser was brilliant- slowly hilighting her natural darker lengths and lowlights in the grey until the natural grey was the entire head. It helps that her hair is chin length and curly but it really amazed me since she was so very dark.

There is a half way. Presently sitting very happily with my ash blonde hilights developing!

In my own case, my skin tone and wrinkles are complemented/softened by my gray hair.

This is such a good point that I hadn't thought of, but now when I think of a few people i know who grew out the dye, I can totally see it!

@SelkieBeag In shops, they serve the woman behind me. I don't get upset by that though.

I would definitely mind that! I get served in shops very nicely, as presumably I look like I've got money to spend with my grey hair. The only time I've been treated badly in shops was when I was a teen and asked too many questions about expensive makeup. They rightly suspected I wasn't going to make a purchase!

Also, many of my colleagues are in their 20s- they always invite me if they're going out. I think.

It’s only the social conditioning that makes us believe women look older with grey hair. A lot of women in their 30’s and 40’s have grey hair naturally but most people colour it until they are much much older. Therefore we think grey hair is an “old” thing. According to nature, it really isn’t an old thing. Everyone is free to do what they want with their hair, but please recognise that grey hair is NOT an old thing

My friend has embraced her white hair aged 42 and it's looked amazing since. Took a while but it really does look nice. You can also get shampoos that give it a bit of a tinge of specific colours if you want to mix it up.

I love white and grey hair.

Try it out. You don't need any bleach. Remove the colour, tone, and see what you think.

A colour-removal product like 'ColourB4' from boots (£10) will remove all of the old dye. It'll work as long as you follow the instructions perfectly, and it doesn't damage your hair like peroxide.

If it's brassy afterwards, apply 1 part Wella Color Charm Toner T10, T14 or T18 with 2 parts 20 volume developer. You can get them online.

Voila, white hair! I bet it'll be fab.