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Original poster

I’m ugly/have bdd and I’m unhappy

61 replies

atThecrossroad · 10/02/2021 18:07

All of the above. I hate myself.

I need to lose weight. I’m stressed. I have awful skin (facially vvv sensitive and can only tolerate a couple of products so can’t do nice skincare to make it better as tried and I end up burnt/with rashes/skin barrier wrecked. Body I have a horrible skin conditions so totally embarrassed)
Pcos so excess hair too

My hair is disgusting
I literally only wear black and grey shapeless
I have picked horribly my nails from stress and one nail has a nail infection
If I wear make up my skin breaks out

I’m tired and I have no photos taken because I hate how I look.
I’ve had therapy before but I give up because it doesn’t seem worth it

I dont know where to start to stop the hatred i feel for how I look

OP posts:
Original poster
atThecrossroad · 10/02/2021 18:10

Oh and also my teeth are awful because I need to see the hygienist and can’t and each day the feel of then makes me sick.
They are actually straight but need cleaning as I drink too much coffee and I’m conscious of it

OP posts:
BurningRed · 10/02/2021 18:11

Oh @atThecrossroad this has made me so sad...

Baby steps... I think a lot of what you have written is interrelated and it sounds like it’s a vicious circle. You have to break that circle and things WILL get better...

Can you start small? Replace drinking cals with sugar free squash/water. Fruit/veg on your plate to snack on. Walks each day?

I am of the belief that losing a little weight will boost your confidence, improve your skin as you’re less stressed and you’ll feel happier,

What have you tried so far? Xxx

BurningRed · 10/02/2021 18:12

Baking soda and floss for the teeth...

Lifesaver to make them look better. I am soooo jealous of your straight teeth too

goose1964 · 10/02/2021 18:16

I get how you feel, I felt like this for years but it was a side effect of depression. Don't try to do to much too quickly, think about what makes you feel worse and try to fix that. If you can't fix it try to accept it. You're better of having no make up on than make up that affects your skin. Perhaps the excess hair is easiest. You can get all sorts of gadgets to remove unwanted hair.

I'm sure you're not as bad as you think you are.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 10/02/2021 18:17

Ohhh my, you sound so miserable. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.

You can’t ‘fix’ everything at once. Small steps.

BeautifulStar · 10/02/2021 18:18

Do you ever look at people and think “wow, they are really ugly?”
I bet you don’t. Very, very few people in life are truly ugly - personally I think you can see something attractive in everyone if you have a good heart.

I bet you aren’t ugly at all but are just feeling low (as are a lot of people atm). I would say, forget the things you can’t change (ie not being able to see a hygienist) and change the things you can do something about. So, search the S&B threads for good skincare regimes for your skin type, wear some nice clothes instead of your usual black (I find even just wearing a brightly coloured top cheers me up), do your nails, put on a bit of makeup, have a pamper session with some lovely bubble bath and candles and shave your legs etc.
Show yourself some love! It’s shit atm and you have to do whatever you can to feel better (I just went out to the shop in full makeup and having nicely blow dried my hair!) Flowers

BeautifulStar · 10/02/2021 18:20

Sorry, just realised you said you can’t tolerate makeup - would just doing your eyes and a nice lippy cause you to breakout?

LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 10/02/2021 18:20

Thanksfor you. I agree with Burning that this may all be interrelated.

Can you share details of the two products that your skin tolerates?

Original poster
atThecrossroad · 10/02/2021 18:21

I don’t know what’s happened today but I just can’t stop crying. I have always felt this bad. Well actually as stupid as it sounds I think it’s my nail infection I just looked at it and thought ffs now I feel even more disgusting and I didn’t think it was possible.

I’m 12 st 10 but I’m eating dairy free, egg free, soya free and beef free as my baby has so many allergies and I’m bf but drinking too much coffee with oat milk and I think it’s fattening.

All I’ve worn for years are clothes to make me as invisible as possible.
I feel like I tried with my skin recently and it’s just not helped. It’s so sensitive. I tried a mild lactic acid and it just burnt me. I tried cleansing better and I got a rash and more dry so I’ve gone back to the boring stuff but I look so dull and tired.

I do take vitamins but I don’t see any difference. I just feel rubbish and I feel ugly. My hair has fallen out a lot since I had my baby (she is 6 months). I can’t get a decent haircut obviously so it’s long but straggly and gets greasy so looks horrible and feels horrible.

Maybe a walk would help a bit to lose some weight it’s just motivation. I just feel today like that’s it I didn’t think it was possible to detest myself more but all I see is an overweight messy greasy haired exhausted person
Plus my glasses are old and outdated and I’ve had them for 6 years and can’t face the optician as it’s basically a room full of mirrors and a window. And people too near to me pushing glasses on me and looking at me

OP posts:
nzeire · 10/02/2021 18:22

What’s one thing you can start with? Hair? A deep conditioning treatment? A blow dry?

Set small goals with the weight.,, the rest will probably fall into place

Original poster
atThecrossroad · 10/02/2021 18:22

@BeautifulStar

Sorry, just realised you said you can’t tolerate makeup - would just doing your eyes and a nice lippy cause you to breakout?
I can wear mascara and lip products but then I worry I look worse with nothing on my skin as it’s blotchy, not spots but redness/dryness and blotchy at the slightest thing
OP posts:
Original poster
atThecrossroad · 10/02/2021 18:23

@nzeire

What’s one thing you can start with? Hair? A deep conditioning treatment? A blow dry?

Set small goals with the weight.,, the rest will probably fall into place

I think it’s all just needs cutting off. It was ok before but so so much has fallen out. Pre lockdown I hated having it done because sitting in front of a mirror was torture for me
OP posts:
Original poster
atThecrossroad · 10/02/2021 18:25

@LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy

Thanksfor you. I agree with Burning that this may all be interrelated.

Can you share details of the two products that your skin tolerates?

I use a simple facewash and Avene moisturiser.

I occasionally use an spf but it aggravates my skin it goes red and bumpy so I don’t use it daily like I should which obviously wont help me

OP posts:
Original poster
atThecrossroad · 10/02/2021 18:26

@nzeire

What’s one thing you can start with? Hair? A deep conditioning treatment? A blow dry?

Set small goals with the weight.,, the rest will probably fall into place

I think I’m having too much sugary coffee with calorific oat milk too but I feel so tired without it
OP posts:
eyeoresancerre · 10/02/2021 18:27

Oh my love - you have a baby. You will feel all out of sorts. How old is your baby? I bet if you uploaded a picture we would all find something beautiful about you. I'm speaking as someone who "unmirrored" on zoom yesterday and had a little cry at how awful I must look to everyone else. Couldn't believe I've been walking round for 45 years looking so wonky! My lovely husband helped me from spiralling. Do you have anyone who you could talk to in real - life. Be very very kind to yourself - you never look as rough to anyone else as you think you do. Thanks

eyeoresancerre · 10/02/2021 18:28

Sorry I've just re-read and your baby is 6 months.

Grimble69 · 10/02/2021 18:29

I agree with baby steps. I also hate how I look and get fed up that nothing I try makes that much difference, the photos are always disappointing.

I focus on clothes shopping (ebay, sales and charity shops when open) and cheap make up for a bit of fun. I somehow pretend I look like the models even though I'm much older than them.
I usually feel worse about my looks when other areas of my life are bad, it's as if I could fix my appearance everything else would be better. Perhaps you are the same?
There arn't loads of them unfortunately but there are successful women who arn't great beauties. Sometimes watching them on tv helps give me some perspective.

Original poster
atThecrossroad · 10/02/2021 18:29

I felt bad for years and years before but now I just feel worse. It seems to have been really triggered by my stupid nail which is weird but all say I’ve just thought well that’s it that’s just it I feel horrible and with a mouldy nail 🤢

OP posts:
LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 10/02/2021 18:30

Hm, it could be that the Simple face wash, because it is a foaming wash, is too drying/stripping and therefore aggravating skin further. As your skin likes the Avene moisturiser could you try a nice Avene milky or creamy cleanser instead?

Redburnett · 10/02/2021 18:31

Perhaps speak to your GP and ask for thyroid to be checked, hair falling out and tiredness are both symptoms.

eyeoresancerre · 10/02/2021 18:32

I bet the nail feels like the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm sorry you're feeling so crap.

LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 10/02/2021 18:33

Also if you are beef free are you taking iron and Vitamin B12?

Grimble69 · 10/02/2021 18:33

If you can make yourself go for a walk every day I'm sure that will make you feel better.

Frequentflier · 10/02/2021 18:34

If you have had just had a baby, then it is perfectly normal to feel like this, especially with lockdown on top of it. Download the Pacer walking app or any other walking app and do just 2000 steps a day. Gradually work up to 8 or 10,000 per day ( maybe when it is warmer). I probably have a v sad life, but I get a thrill out of seeing the steps climb on the graph. Gives you a tangible feeling of achievement. If I have achieved nothing else, I feel like I have done my 10, 000 steps.

nzeire · 10/02/2021 18:35

Ok! We need a list!

  1. 20 minute stop around the block
  2. Order something amazing. Something you can wear every day, natural fabric, beautiful colour
  3. Read up on tips and tricks for your hair. After I had my babies I lost a lot of hair and a hairdresser showed me some cool things I could do with plaits and clips. Home colour can work, just go lighter than you think you should
  4. Order in some fab incgrediebts to make something healthy and yummy

Tell your partner you feel shite, and get them on board to help you, time off from baby, help with dinners etc

You’re worth it!

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