I’m ugly/have bdd and I’m unhappy

[atThecrossroad]

All of the above. I hate myself.

I need to lose weight. I’m stressed. I have awful skin (facially vvv sensitive and can only tolerate a couple of products so can’t do nice skincare to make it better as tried and I end up burnt/with rashes/skin barrier wrecked. Body I have a horrible skin conditions so totally embarrassed)
Pcos so excess hair too

My hair is disgusting
I literally only wear black and grey shapeless
I have picked horribly my nails from stress and one nail has a nail infection
If I wear make up my skin breaks out

I’m tired and I have no photos taken because I hate how I look.
I’ve had therapy before but I give up because it doesn’t seem worth it

I dont know where to start to stop the hatred i feel for how I look

@LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy

Also if you are beef free are you taking iron and Vitamin B12?

Iron but not b12 maybe I need to get some ?

Also colour always makes me feel better. Buy one top in crimson, pink, yellow or teal. or if that is a step too far, maybe aubergine or forest green. Doesn't have to be expensive. Anything but not black.

Oh love it's normal to feel like this with a small baby and especially with the lockdown meaning we're cut off from everything.

Teeth are easy. Flossing and sloshing hydrogen peroxide solution round after brushing will help them feel much cleaner and will help whiten them.

Hair will be crappy after having a baby, it's the hormones, you don't loose as much hair when pregnant so it seems like a lot when you lose the stuff that's been hanging on in there. Look on your local Facebook and find a good mobile hairdresser who can come to your house. Tell her you don't like mirrors and what you think of your hair and get her help to start getting it looking lovely.

Have you seen a dermatologist? Could you perhaps have rosacea?? My daughter dies and it sounds just like yours. She used a product called Kalme and it made such a difference.

You're giving yourself such a hard time and I bet no one looks at you and thinks you're ugly. You sound like a really lovely person stuck in a dreadful cycle of not appreciating your good points.

Oh and the glasses you can order them on line and try lots of different styles if you know your prescription. Or a local independent optician could be a good bet. Smaller shop, less in your face lighting and mirrors.

Ok baby steps.

1. You are not ugly! No one is! Everyone has good bits. Just because your skin is sensitive and you feel as if you’ve put on weight does not mean you’re ugly. Try to think of 3 things you like about yourself and focus on those.
2. Your skin will not look as bad to others as it does to you. Honest. Think about other people in your life. Do you honestly look closely at their skin?
3. Don’t beat yourself up about having put on weight. You’ve only had a baby 6 months ago and are still breastfeeding. Your body will have changed and some of those things will never go back to the way they were before and that is ok.

I felt awful after having a baby. I put on weight. In almost 10 years since my dd was born I’ve only lost half a stone but I love how I am now! Life is too short to worry about being a bit soft around the edges. I had to change how I dressed. I gradually started to build up a wardrobe of clothes that flattered my body now rather than trying to fit into my old clothes.

Can you afford to see a dermatologist about your skin? They would be best to recommend skincare and that might make you feel more confident.

Oh and if your nail is infected the hydrogen peroxide solution will sort that too. It's less than £1 from a pharmacy. If the liquid can get to the infection it will oxidise the bacteria and clear it up.

Does rosacea feel like sunburn ? I get random red patches that are so hot and I feel worse since having my baby it flares up so easily.

@Twinkie01

Oh and if your nail is infected the hydrogen peroxide solution will sort that too. It's less than £1 from a pharmacy. If the liquid can get to the infection it will oxidise the bacteria and clear it up.

I will try that Thankyou it’s really upset me today it’s not my biggest issue but it just seemed to really really get me down

Yes apparently it does. She had big old burning red cheeks and looked flushed all the time and dry.

Nail in the coffin eh!! Just that one more thing on top of everything else.

Just tackle one thing at nice.

Maybe a clarifying shampoo will help with your hair too, wash it every few days with it and try not to keep brushing and fiddling. Is your hair straight?

B12 can work along with the iron, personally I become anaemic if I don't take both.

You need to tackle the cause of your feelings in therapy. Why did you stop?

Changing your mindset is the only thing that will help; make up or getting your hair done are like putting a sticking plaster on a great big wound. You have a diagnosis of body dismporphia and need treatment for that.

You can ask for treatment via the NHS. CBT can be very successful or anti depressants can be used to treat your mental illness, particularly SSRI medication.

Having a baby may have exacerbated your anxiety and fixation on your flaws, post natal depression can manifest in lots of mysterious ways.

Please seek support. You can feel better with treatment I'm so sorry you're struggling.

Could you look at investing in some new clothes?
I'm a big believer that it doesn't matter what size you are- and it's more about what you wear.
A few pieces that you feel nice in could make a big difference.

Everybody hates looking at themselves in hairdressers mirror. It's bloody awful. But it will seem worse to you as you have recently had a baby, which is a huge thing, and you are already feeling very low.

Lots of good advice here. As regards the teeth, get yourself a firm bristled tooth brush. Your teeth will feel much cleaner after a good scrub with that. And get out walking. Is your baby your only child? If so, get her in the pram and just walk. Fresh air and exercise. Remember that breastfeeding burns calories too, so between the breastfeeding and the walking it should start to make a difference.

And go east on yourself x

Could you try having a glass of water (even just 100-150 ml) after each coffee? That will help boost your hydration. If you're feeding baby then you need to keep fluids up.
I do sympathise, as I had to give up dairy and soya when feeding my youngest (though the difference it made to his frankly horrendous eczema was worth it).
I struggle to go to the hairdresser's too- could you trim your hair yourself, or get your partner to? The two ponytail method is probably best. Shorter, just cut hair will be easier to manage when you've so much on your plate. Don't worry about post-natal hairloss, it happens to everyone, and it will stop at some point.
I know it's easier to say than do, but do try to snatch more sleep when you can- it really makes everything seem better, or at least easier to cope with.

To be honest I don’t think you can fix how you’re feeling by physically changing your appearance. You need your mental health to improve, regardless of what you look like. Your happiness can’t be contingent on looking a certain way.

I think the tips others have provided will help you feel better and establish a routine which will in turn naturally uplift your mood.

Along with mental health support, maybe contact your GP and ask for a dermatology referral? You could have a contact allergy to certain ingredients as skincare and makeup causes skin irritation. Finding out if you’re intolerant or not will help you figure out what you can safely use and give you more control.

With your hair, buy a clarifying shampoo and the grease should gradually decrease after a few weeks. I would recommend cutting the split ends off - not a full blown home hair cut but just tidying the ends by 1cm so it looks full again.

Why can’t you see the dentist? My (NHS) practice is still operating and a scale and polish is only around £20. If you can’t afford it, the NHS has a low income scheme where it’s offered for free

Sounds like a trip to the dermatologist would be helpful, please don't suffer in silence. I have skin problems too and know how damaging it can be to your self esteem.

But honestly, I think it's your self confidence issues making you see flaws where others wouldn't, you are being overly hash on yourself. You've just had a baby, feeling exhausted, like you dont know your own body, fatter and experiencing skin and hair changes are all normal. See if you can also get a refferal back to the counselling, I think it will help.

In the meantime, know that you ARE beautiful. I have been where you are and when I look back I feel very sad that a few comments and my perception of myself or what I thought others thought really made be believe I was ugly. I wouldn't listen to anyone who said I wasn't hideous. I do feel self conscious when my skin flares up but I am more than my skin and not ugly at all.

I'm 12st 10 and l don't hate my body, far from it 🙂 do you know how to dress for your body shape?

I had a toe nail infection, got something off Amazon that helped.

I bought a few bits from ebay and Vinted for a few pounds each. A bit of newness (to me) does wonders.

Don't worry about make up and all that jazz. I find Aveeno is just lovely when my skin is angry. Try to get it to a calm and comfortable state.

Don't think about what will make you look better. Think about what will make you FEEL better. For me that would be hot scented baths and body lotion. You sound terribly depressed and no doubt that is greatly skewing how you take care of yourself and feel about yourself.

Whilst I am sure you look MUCH better than you think, who says how pretty we ought to be? Is a bit pretty enough, or are we aiming for film star level here? Aim for a clean, pampered version of yourself, buy yourself something small in a colour you love (not grey!) and wear it for the sheer joy of it.

When your depression is lessened you will feel miraculously more attractive. Until then, hang in there and take good care of yourself.

I don't know if this would help but as you mentioned your skin barrier, I've been using a cream called Amour Repair and Renew which is very natural and has oats and other things in it to help repair the skin and stop all the sensitivity. I find it very soothing. Might be worth a look?

You've just had a baby. Be kind to yourself. And please let someone take at least one photo of you and your child - you might feel ugly now but will regret not having any when s/he is older.

Everyone is fat and miserable and hormonal after having a baby! Like others said, do very small things. Get your teeth cleaned - my brother is a dentist and I swear yours will not be the worst they've seen by a long way! It's also free till your baby is 1 so now is the time.
Next, nail infection. That'll clear up but you might need antibiotics so speak to your GP - and mention your skin, it sounds like rosacea. There's stuff out there for that.

And then give yourself a break! Your hormones are all over the place. Enjoy time with your baby, fashion can wait. You're perfect to your little one.

@atThecrossroad

Does rosacea feel like sunburn ? I get random red patches that are so hot and I feel worse since having my baby it flares up so easily.

Yes they can do. Sometimes they even go into a little sore (pustule). This can be treated though! Start with your nail, is it so bad you need antibiotics from a GP? If so get them, then get done hand cream and when it’s cleared up use a nail polish. Then think about your hair, can you do anything to help yourself until the hairdressers can open again? I think you need to focus on small steps one by one to make yourself feel better about yourself ... and everyone feels shit after having a baby too!

So sorry to hear this. Please talk to your GP about testing your thyroid. I had mine tested, suffering many of the same symptoms after the birth of my first child, including incredibly sore, dry, peeling skin around my nails and fingertips. Diagnosed with hypothyroidism (an underactive thyroid) and prescribed thyroxine. Pre-treatment, I also gained weight I couldn't lose, had no energy and felt very flat, and suffered from dry, sensitive skin. The condition you describe yourself in sounds so similar, I'd really recommend you ask your GP to investigate this. Good luck.

See / talk to your GP
It sounds like you have post natal depression. Get a telephone appointment and tell them how you feel, from self disgust to infected finger..they will help with everything they can, and a lot of that will be about improving how you feel.
Be kind to yourself and focus on good food and sleep for now. Get you partner to help you achieve that for a few weeks and gradually other things will seem more achievable.

aw love! I bet you are so NOT ugly, just rundown, sleep deprived and over anxious (like a lot of us right now, I think even us 'strong' ones are becoming weighed down with this situation)

I argee with the previous posters who recommend a chat with the dr, you do sound very low and IMO that will affect your physical self.

Perhaps you could do one nice bit of self care in the meantime everyday, ie, monday shave legs and pits, tuesday have a little pluck of your eyebrows, wednesday have a long bath with a nice oil or something, if that sort of thing will help lift you?

in the meantime, get some vit d and a supplement for skin hair and nails - and be kind to yourself!

ps, I bet even kate moss looks like a bag of spanners in those hateful hairdressers mirrors

Sorry you’re so down. Other posters have given loads of good advice. I’d add, re teeth, get a water pic that cleans between teeth and stops build up of Tatar. It makes your mouth feel so fresh.
Also I second taking vitamins, I take nail, skin and hair vitamins and they’ve made a huge difference. It does take a couple of months to see the difference.