I’m ugly/have bdd and I’m unhappy

[atThecrossroad]

All of the above. I hate myself.

I need to lose weight. I’m stressed. I have awful skin (facially vvv sensitive and can only tolerate a couple of products so can’t do nice skincare to make it better as tried and I end up burnt/with rashes/skin barrier wrecked. Body I have a horrible skin conditions so totally embarrassed)
Pcos so excess hair too

My hair is disgusting
I literally only wear black and grey shapeless
I have picked horribly my nails from stress and one nail has a nail infection
If I wear make up my skin breaks out

I’m tired and I have no photos taken because I hate how I look.
I’ve had therapy before but I give up because it doesn’t seem worth it

I dont know where to start to stop the hatred i feel for how I look

As hard as it is I’m trying to push the weight issue to the very back of my mind. I had alway been a size 8-10 and v slim my whole life so I feel huge but I feel hungry all the time so I can’t deal with it right now. I’m going to try to just walk more.

I’ve ordered some dental mini brush things ? Are these any good I thought woukd work better than floss🤷‍♀️and some whitening toothpaste plus a multivitamin.

I’m feeling awful today as my skin is so sore but o think I’ve been neglecting my routine so it’s allowed my eczema to get bad and I need to get back to using the hydrocortisone again.
I also ordered something called curanail I’m hoping that helps my nail.

I have a drs phone appt booked for next week.

I’ve drunk too much coffee again today as I’m so tired but I have had more water. I looo exhausted and stressed but I’m trying to think of the small things and make 10 mins for myself each day

I actually think the more coffee you have the more tired you feel and starts to give headaches. It's a nasty cycle 😢

Making plain water more interesting might help. A slice of lemon or lime in carbonated water is always more interesting.

@atThecrossroad

As hard as it is I’m trying to push the weight issue to the very back of my mind. I had alway been a size 8-10 and v slim my whole life so I feel huge but I feel hungry all the time so I can’t deal with it right now. I’m going to try to just walk more.

I’ve ordered some dental mini brush things ? Are these any good I thought woukd work better than floss🤷‍♀️and some whitening toothpaste plus a multivitamin.

I’m feeling awful today as my skin is so sore but o think I’ve been neglecting my routine so it’s allowed my eczema to get bad and I need to get back to using the hydrocortisone again.
I also ordered something called curanail I’m hoping that helps my nail.

I have a drs phone appt booked for next week.

I’ve drunk too much coffee again today as I’m so tired but I have had more water. I looo exhausted and stressed but I’m trying to think of the small things and make 10 mins for myself each day

Your a mum to a very small baby still. Be kind to yourself! If you need coffee to get through then drink coffee. This sleep deprivation won't be forever.

The guilt of doing the "wrong things" is doing you no good.
Remember your raising a child on poor sleep in a pandemic. It's not easy!

Have you tried La Roche Posay's sunscreen 50+

It is a light milk and it seems they do a tinted version.

www.boots.com/la-roche-posay-anthelios-shaka-ultra-light-fluid-tinted-spf50-50ml-10263631?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--PLAs_HeroCompare--La+Roche+Posay-_-Boots+Shopping+-+Category+-+Beauty+-+Desktop&gclid=CjwKCAiA65iBBhB-EiwAW253W1kokeP9yFpOGtOUBrZF03vAf22o2a-ZW6FlE64OyHfTmCtsosnGOBoChFYQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Lots of good advice here but I just wanted to say please see a dermatologist.

I have seborrheic dermatitis on my face which sounds a lot like what you describe. I also get eczema. I was misdiagnosed as having rosecca for a year by GPs. Dermatologist was £200 but put me on his nhs list so that was all I paid and it's so worth it to get a correct diagnosis. Not saying everything he said worked but it gave me a starting point.

Weather plays a massive part in these conditions, mine has been bad the last few weeks as so cold. When sun comes out next week you'll feel much better, I'm sure.

Don't worry about your weight for now! Your baby is still very young. I've put on 1.5 stone in lockdown and do feel a bit shit but will do something about it when I can. Honestly, everyone is in the same boat.

I agree with @BeautifulStar, I can’t ever remember walking past someone or knowing anyone that I thought was truly ugly. I don’t believe you are ugly either!
Getting out each day even for a 15 minute walk round the block will make a huge difference to your body and mind! Maybe replace one cup of coffee with a glass of water and each week increase until you’re down to 1/2 cups of coffee per day. An electric toothbrush, whitening toothpaste and interdental brushes will make a noticeable difference to your teeth. Small changes will add up and hopefully start making you feel better about yourself x

Feel for you, OP. I've got some dreadful stuff going on with my appearance at the moment - I doubt any of us are looking our best.
Could you try to cut down on the coffee a bit or weaken it? I'm a total addict but my moods are much more even when I cut down. A 50/50 mix of baking soda and coconut oil (so the baking soda is isn't too abrasive) used to make your own toothpaste in a pot gets rid of coffee stains. Not to use every time but every few days.
What about a really lovely coloured oversized cardigan in alpaca or cashmere/merino that feels & looks great?

I have been you, down to the last detail. Oh, but add chloasma, millions of moles and a honking great nose to the list.

I'm now in my 40s and partly have grown out of giving a shit and partly have sorted most of the issues without really investing too much money. Time, effort and discipline by the bucketload mind.

For excess hair the epicare (branded only, not the £2 ones you see on eBay) and the Phillips lumea have transformed my life. Beyond amazing. Excess hair no longer an issue.

Gallons of water and mass reduction of alcohol.

Spearmint tea x 3 mugs a day.

Running and strength work, works as many wonders on the mental health as the physical.

Leaving a bad marriage and finding a good one.

And a year on a calorie controlled diet and losing 3 stone.

I now alternate between being a lockdown minger and not doing anything to improve my appearance but not giving a monkeys because I sorted out the mental health side of it by taking control. I have been going to work recently without a ton of foundation on, unheard of.

I also scrub up pretty awesomely when I have to.

Please believe me you are not ugly and this is more mental than aesthetic. I don't need to see you to know that. My 'issues' categorically would have been as bad or worse than yours. Take control and fix what you can and when you start to feel more empowered and proud of your discipline and motivation your mental attitude towards the physical things you can't solve will fix itself.

Do you have a bit of money for some TLC when things open up? If you can, get yourself a hair appointment and go and try on some new clothes ♥️

Also with regards to your weight, give yourself a break you have recently had a baby! I have a 4 month old (and a 3 year old) so I understand how rubbish it feels being bigger than you’re used to and also being a completely different shape! It gets better and you will start feeling more like yourself, be kind to yourself x