Nice clothes but never wear them - changing mindset

[Yorkshirepuddingforever]

Hi

I was wondering if anyone else has lovely clothes which they never wear?

I have been on a few wardrobe clear out and capsule wardrobe type threads recently which has motivated me to sort things out and this has made me realise I actually have a lot of nice clothes. My problem is I have some kind of psychological block about wearing them and end up wearing the same old things.

Has anyone had this same issue and resolved it? I don't think it helps that I am working from home and now the schools are shut also have 2 kids at home. Also about to give birth so most of it doesn't fit at the moment but want to try and start wearing the nice stuff as soon as it fits.

Thanks 😊

I risk quite a few items marked “Dry Clean Only” on a gentle 30 degree wash with no problems at all. In fact, some dresses I wouldn’t want stuffed in a machine with other people’s stuff when you don’t know who they are or what they have been doing.

Yes, I definitely have this issue. It's hard when you have small children as you need clothes which are easy to move in and machine washable. When my eldest was 3 I felt like I was just about starting to be able to wear what I liked again but then I had another baby so went back to square one!

I try and challenge myself to wear nicer clothes a few days a week. I WFH part time and on those days I always do my make up and hair and wear a dress. I could get away with not doing this but I just find I'm more productive if I've made an effort. Then when it's just me and the kids I "allow" myself to slip back into leggings and old baggy jumpers.

I have been lurking here on this board a lot since the beginning of lockdown when I started losing weight and realised I also had a wardrobe full of nice clothes, and lived in the same grotty pairs of jeans and shabby fleece sweaters. And never looked anything more than basically clean and tidy, and never wore anything I liked or enjoyed wearing or looked the way I liked to look.

So I thought sod it. There was a brilliant post here about nothing in the wardrobe you don't wear, have nothing you don't like and feel good in, and a number of other equally great ones about finding your style. So I did. I had to replace a lot of my wardrobe anyway as nothing fit, so I set a policy now of I wear what I like wearing and I wear more or less everything in the wardrobe. The things I put on - and then immediately took off again, because while it was nice in theory I didn't like wearing it - went. What I chose was what I liked and part of the style and wardrobe I wanted, and not bought solely for practicality or an impulse buy of one thing I liked.

Sod that I am sitting around in the house working instead of going out, and sod that what I wear will get covered in animal fluff and muddy footprints and kids' snot and worse. My only restriction is nothing that isn't machine washable. (And my one last remaining 'best' thing is a handwash sweater... What is the point of it? What am I keeping it for?)

It is really nice opening the wardrobe in the morning and choosing what I feel like wearing, looking the way I like to look, and I haven't worn jeans now in months. And having a whole wardrobe to choose from.

And I just bought today my first proper 'investment' piece As in a planned, buy less but buy long term quality/natural fabrics and no impulse buys but what you need piece. Waaaay too excited about it.

I was brought up on 'saving for best' so I've always struggled with this and still do. But I've worked on shifting my mindset and now I try to pay the most attention to, and spend the most money on the clothes I wear every day. Let's face it, any going out clothes post pandemic are going to end up covered in booze and no-one will give a stuff. Not worth the money or the headspace. Admittedly I will make an exception for my son's graduation outfit - if that ever happens.

@MoltenLasagne

I think there's a few possibilities:

1. Items that don't suit you that you don't really like
2. Items you love that don't suit your lifestyle
3. Items you love but don't go with anything else in your wardrobe

I got rid of all of category 1 first. Then I found the filler pieces to address category 3 and now only buy items that I know go with what I currently have (rule of 3 - have to be able to make 3 outfits from it).

Of course lockdown and being pregnant means about 90% of my wardrobe falls into category 2 at the moment but I'm hoping that will change by the summer! We'll see...

For me, there's also number 4...items I love so much I can't bring myself to wear in case I ruin them or wear them out. Which I know is totally crazy.

Me too just turned 60, I think we were told to keep things for best, I try hard not to do this, I have brand new cashmere jumper still with labels on in cream , I brought early last year, I haven't worn it, as I don't want to get it dirty, madness.

Sorry I posted this and then fell asleep and have been wrangling 2 kids all day.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, it has been so helpful to read all the different views and ideas. It helps to know others are the same boat although I am sorry some of you are also struggling with this issue.

Having read through and thought about it more I think there are a few things that stand out. I am definitely saving things for an unknown 'best' time in the future. No idea what that is! A pp post (sorry struggling to scroll back on mobile) really resonated as I am also doing it with make up and perfume. I am also worried that favourites might wear our or get ruined and I will struggle replace.

I actually don't have many fancy clothes except a few dresses stored away for weddings etc. My office (when we are not working from home) is pretty casual so I am talking about my nice versions of day to day wear. Mainly my nice jumpers, jeans, boots etc which get ignored and I wear scruffy leggings/jeans, old bobbly jumpers and old uggs.

I think I need to just throw them away so I can't actually wear them. I do think the clothes suit my lifestyle, other than a few cashmere jumpers which I can hopefully get back out when kids are bigger. Its like I need to give myself permission to wear them and try to not worry about spoiling them.

Sorry that is maybe a load of waffle but this thread has definitely helped me think it through.

This is a lovely thread. I've been struggling with not wearing my lovely "work" clothes, so whilst I can't quite face putting on smart trousers every day (I have a lot of smart trousers!) I have been planning my outfits a week in advance.

So this was "rainbow week" (inspired by Erica Davies on Instagram who would be 100% behind not keeping things for best), I've worn a different coloured top every day (the extent of my wardrobe allows this, I'm slightly embarrassed to admit). I've had (nice) comments almost every day from colleagues on Zoom meetings!

Then I realised I have beautiful dresses not worn in months, so next week I'm wearing a dress every day - a leopard maxi I'll wear with a black roll neck on top, a cord shirt dress over a long-sleeve tee and trousers, a sweater dress etc. I do have far too many clothes, despite regular ebay clear-outs, and need to get wear out of them.

Just to say this is me talking pre-pregnancy. At the moment I am wearing my small capsule of maternity stuff. I just don't want to slip into old habits when I ditch the mat clothes which will hopefully be soon!

As PPs have said don't shop out of boredom and don't buy outfits for specific occasions (remember those?!) apart from weddings obviously.
I have a photo on my phone that is useful if I'm shopping (again, not recently!). Everything worn once or still with a tag on, onto the bed. Take a photo. Every time you think you need something new, check the photo first. I usually find something in there that I'd forgotten/am shamed into putting my purse away!
Also lots of your best pieces will work for everyday with different boots/trainers/accessories.
Have fun with it 😊

I've started dressing up more during the week and only allow myself to wear jeans at the weekend. I'm self employed since having kids so can wear whatever and I've ended up defaulting to slobby. It's refreshing to get a bit dressed up Mon-Fri. I've also started using the Stylebook app to record my outfits, which I love! It's helping me wear more of my wardrobe.

I've always had a smallish wardrobe of clothes I love and wear, I've had a love of clothes since I was a teen and used to save like mad to get things I'd seen in Vogue or Elle, or buy things from independent boutiques, consequently I never had loads of clothes but absolutely loved everything I had. I always figured you could only ever wear one outfit at a time so it may as well be brilliant!

It's a habit I've carried through to adulthood. I think quite a lot about outfits I'd like to make and then find the best thing that will work with everything else I own. And I only have one of each thing, one brilliant back polo-neck, one of each colour and type of t-shirt I like to wear, one pair of great loafers etc. It means I love all my clothes, everything works together to make millions of outfits and I know exactly what I have.

It's not boring either, some days I fancy channelling a 70's mob-boss wife, other days Patti Smith, or preppy, or understated glam, or French art teacher (as my sister termed one look). And I wear everything in my wardrobe, and always have something to wear for any occasion.

I do have a twice a year edit, there is some churn, and there's always something I've got my eye on, but probably buy one thing a month.

Wear your good things, have fun with your clothes, it's good for the soul!

@Greyhairwarmheart

I wear my clothes on rotation so I wear what is at the front of my wardrobe then put it to the back. Out of season clothes are stored in the attic. It stops me buying so much as I can see how many clothes I have. If I put something on and its uncomfortable then it goes to the charity shop. Good fun too to see what I'll be wearing each day!

This is what I've started doing. I had clothes rammed so tightly in my wardrobe that I couldn't see the wood for the trees.

So a couple of weeks ago I got most of it out of my wardrobe, lay it on the spare room bed, and I'm wearing a different item each day. When I've worn it I decide whether it's a keeper or not and if it's a keeper it goes to the other end of the wardrobe. Hoping to keep up the rotating long term.

I've also packed away my lovely cruise dresses seeing as there's no chance of wearing them anytime soon....and I'd look a bit of a twit wearing them for work.

“I always figured you could only ever wear one outfit at a time so it may as well be brilliant”
Shrike this is such good advice and what I’ve been trying to use as inspiration for streamlining my wardrobe to only things I love.

@Uhohmummy

“I always figured you could only ever wear one outfit at a time so it may as well be brilliant” Shrike this is such good advice and what I’ve been trying to use as inspiration for streamlining my wardrobe to only things I love.

I love this too thank you! I am going to remember this.

Great tip about the photo of things new with tags as I definitely have a few of those 😱 I also think a wardrobe clear out would help as I have a few random things in there like Christmas jumpers, aforementioned wedding outfits and some very summery beach style dresses which are unlikely to be worn this year.

I also just chatted to a friend about it. She always look great and well put together. Her tip was once you decide you are keeping something just wear it and then its done so I am also going to try that and will start tomorrow with my new boots.

Yes I agree with pp - wear those clothes, why not. Always use the good bath oil as Nora Ephron said.

If they are not appropriate for your life or your style, then get rid and buy what works. If that's casual clothes, great, buy some lovely well cut jeans, some gorgeous boots, a snuggly cashmere jumper (or whatever). If you live in running leggings, stop buying fancy frocks and buy some leggings at Sweaty Betty - £££ but look so so good.

I try to follow the one-on, one-out rule and I am pretty good at getting rid of things that I haven't worn for, say, a year. Tho I have put on more than a stone and now nothing fits. Am hoping to lose so that some things fit again...

Wear the new boots Yorkshire, enjoy them!

I remember seeing a pair of Gucci clogs in Vogue (it must have been in 1989/90), and just adoring them. I saved my money and took a train down to London to buy them (I was a teen from Yorkshire), swanning into the Gucci boutique and asking to try them on. I wore them to death and enjoyed every step I took in them.

I used to wear a lot of Catherine Hamnet and John Richmond and Northern club designers in the early 90's.

I got it from my Mum really, she wore Mary Quant and Ossie Clark and YSL. A love of really bloody good clothes, and the desire to have fun with them, and know you're someone that deserves to do that.

Uhohmummy where do you now buy the better stuff from?

I don’t keep things for best
Jewellery - clothes - footwear - crockery - glass etc, prefer to use and lose than stuck in cupboard
I agree with many other posters buy better quality of what works for you!
I’m lucky enough to still go to work even if it’s wearing a jumper and treggings
I plan a weeks worth of outfits in advance and try and draw a line between work and leisure
For example I can’t wear denim at work and prefer plain classics so on a weekend I’ll wear jeans with a fairisle sweater and hiking boots so I actually feel I’m not at work
I try to rotate so get rid of infrequently worn items as there’s obviously a reason why I’ve not worn them

Every time-pre covid of course- my MIL or DM were shopping with me they'd find something that was deemed 'perfect for holidays'. Every sodding time. Wardrobes stuffed with once worn items. I want to scream hello- what about buying things for the other 50 weeks of the year !!!!!

Great thoughts on here!

My policy as I shop online lots anyway, not a fan of changing rooms etc.

If you open the packet try it on and want to take the tag of keep it, if you pop it back in the wrappers to think about it , send it back!

I've been buying loads from hush, jumpers, trackies and T-shirt's and have put my heels ina. Suitcase under my bed for now!

It's trainers and wellies for me now.

I'm such a cold person though and work from home - so while I've got lots of nice tops I rarely wear them, or if I do, I end out putting a cosy fleece over the top. It's so scruffy. And even the idea of say, short skirts or tightish jumpers or cardigans makes me feel uncomfortable. I can carry off nice clothes but I just don't feel relaxed and cosy in them. Not sure of the solution to that.

bigtimefun I live in jeans and t-shirts/shirts/jumpers. I get a lot in some of the places mentioned on this thread like Arket, & Other Stories, Whistles. I like to invest in coats and boots/ shoes so spend more on those. I also like some French brands like Maje, Claudie Pierlot and BA&SH to add interest.

I have a sort of rotating system - I always have 'good new stuff' and I keep this until I have worn it a few times to various occasions. Then I buy another new thing & sometimes this demotes the first thing to work wear, then it becomes weekend wear and finally house wear.

I love to buy clothes that I then sort of keep for best for a while. But it's across a range of occasions - so for instance I'll always have a going out with friends for drinks/ dinner good outfit + a particular day in work when I have external meetings outfit + meeting a friend for coffee / lunch outfit on the go