My dh has a high tummy but not the least bit embarrassed by it, is it just self confidence

[mini1275]

Ever since I've known my dh he has had a growing tummy, he's not the least bothered by it even jokes it's somewhere to rest his tea. Me now getting a little older also developing a tummy, I diet, I wear clothes to disguise it, but we all know it's there. Why don't I just accept myself as I am like my dh. On holiday at the moment and putting on my bathing costume makes me so aware. Is this a female problem?

Yes. We’re socialised to present ourselves to be attractive to men at all times.

Men however are socialised to believe they’re desirable however they look.

YABU for saying 'tummy' is he 5? Yes I know this isn't AIBU...

@Northernsoullover beat me to it.

Yup

Had recent experience of this at work- TV company was recording us - all male staff of all shapes and sizes happy to be filmed - all female staff nervous of looking fat and hiding behind other people

Similar to work zoom calls where all the men have their video turned on and the women don't. I don't believe the claims that their broadband is slower

I don't worry about what other people think of how I look, probably because I'm older. I do prioritise staying lean though because, for me, being fit means feeling better and having more energy all the time. Much more important to me.

Men are taught that blokes get a beer gut - haha, evidence of a few pints, still manly etc.

Women are taught that to be fat is to be worthless.

DH is conscious of his weight (has a tendency to run to overweight so works hard to keep it off), hates going swimming etc as he doesn’t like his body and hates having photos taken of him.
I on the other hand don’t give a shit! 3 babies in 4 years means it is what it is.

I should add I’m not overweight but have a ‘pouch’ and awful stretch marks.

Is it a beer belly?

You're not at all unreasonable.

My Uncle had one when we were kid's and it was grotesquely disproportionate to the rest of his body - actually made him look unwell.

However, it was only ever my Auntie's weight gain discussed over the dinner table. Women are conditioned that their weight is their worth - I certainly was as a child.

The disparity between my Aunt and Uncle is one of the reasons I'm so careful discussing weight around kids.

@Northernsoullover said exactly what I was going to. ‘Tummy’ is not an appropriate word for two adults...

I think your hubby probably actually not happy with this. He makes jokes to cover that. He doesn’t want a ‘high’ tummy either. But he probably too embarrassed to do anything about it. I’m not being cruel, hinestly, I’m no model. But I’ll bet he really isn’t happy.

It's not a high tummy, it's fat. HTH.

Agree with PP - a 'high tummy' is a beer gut. Which is fat. Actually, the most dangerous type of fat, visceral fat.

It's putting huge strain on his organs.

Unclench ffs everyone in real life knows a bit of a tummy means fat around the abdomen.

I’ve never heard of the term ‘high tummy’ before.

Agree though that a lot of men would not be bothered by it.

Those sniping about the use of the word “tummy” are making themselves look like petty bitches. Grow up.

OP - yes it’s a disparity and demonstrates how sexist our society is!

It's weird isn't it? My DH is going bald, has developed a belly, hairy ears and nostrils, veins starting to look aged and bulgy, broken veins etc- doesn't bother him at all, and nor should it- I fancy the arse off him still and think he looks like a normal man of his age. But I am so bothered by my own belly and signs of aging and I know I would be judged and found wanting if I didn't use makeup and hair products and so on to try and stem the tide. Men expect to be accepted by society and women expect to be judged by it. Pisses me off.

What do you mean by 'high' tummy?

I think it’s a stomach that hangs over the trousers belt 🤷‍♀️

What’s the adult word for ‘tummy’? Saying a big stomach sounds like you mean eating capacity. Belly is a bit slang-y.

But to answer the OP, my DH has developed a bit of a tummy/beer belly whatever you call it. He feels self conscious about it, has decided his waist measurement is above the healthy limit and that he needs to lose weight. We’ve looked at why it’s hard compared to my jiggly one and realised that it’s visceral fat and therefore more of an issue. (I’m trying to get rid of mine too though!)

So many men have very large stomachs. Unfortunately, it's becoming normal. The men I know couldn't care less.

I thought a high tummy was an enlarged liver.

Beer bellies are linked with increased risk for a variety of health problems including type 2 diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, high cholesterol, erectile dysfunction, fatty liver disease, metabolic syndrome and higher mortality.

@choli

I thought a high tummy was an enlarged liver.

That is exactly what I thought, too. You can be 'extended' at the top half of your stomach. Or the belly/the bottom half. A 'high' tummy to me, means extended at the higher part, meaning ribs/liver area.