Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

My dh has a high tummy but not the least bit embarrassed by it, is it just self confidence

55 replies

mini1275 · 25/09/2020 08:21

Ever since I've known my dh he has had a growing tummy, he's not the least bothered by it even jokes it's somewhere to rest his tea. Me now getting a little older also developing a tummy, I diet, I wear clothes to disguise it, but we all know it's there. Why don't I just accept myself as I am like my dh. On holiday at the moment and putting on my bathing costume makes me so aware. Is this a female problem?

OP posts:
Sasuma · 25/09/2020 10:25

@GreyishDays I wouldn’t use the word ‘tummy’ in a conversation with an adult. I’d say someone is overweight or obese or carrying too much weight in a particular area.

bigarsebelinda · 25/09/2020 10:33

[quote Sasuma]@Northernsoullover said exactly what I was going to. ‘Tummy’ is not an appropriate word for two adults...[/quote]

Yet so many use it. It's hideously cringey.

bigarsebelinda · 25/09/2020 10:34

@Iggly

Those sniping about the use of the word “tummy” are making themselves look like petty bitches. Grow up.

OP - yes it’s a disparity and demonstrates how sexist our society is!

Hurray for being a petty bitch 🥳

Hangingover · 25/09/2020 10:43

I swear some people just read posts looking for a way to make fun of something the OP says without even engaging with their question. Imagine if you did that IRL no one would ever talk to you!

Catsarelush · 25/09/2020 10:47

In real life, I would ask, what is a high tummy? Is it the same as a beer belly?

ProfMcGonigle · 25/09/2020 11:21

Another who has never heard the term 'high tummy'. Is it the same as 'pigeon chested' (which I never really understood either)?

crochetmonkey74 · 25/09/2020 11:28

@Hangingover

I swear some people just read posts looking for a way to make fun of something the OP says without even engaging with their question. Imagine if you did that IRL no one would ever talk to you!
God this is rife on MN at the mo! last few days have been terrible for this
Northernsoullover · 25/09/2020 11:32

I'll happily be called a petty bitch if it inspires just one person to stop using the word 'tummy' when referring to adults. I'd call it the abdominal area.

Ginfordinner · 25/09/2020 11:33

I'm not sure what a "high tummy" is either. I assume that it is where the weight gain starts higher up?

In any case it doesn't sound healthy, and increases the risk of T2 diabetes.

Accepting the way you look from an aesthetic point of view is good. Accepting that you have put on weight when it is unhealthy and don't want to do anything about it isn't.

homemadecommunistrussia · 25/09/2020 12:11

Tummy is fine. Stomach is too medical and belly sounds a bit crude.
You're right that women seem more bothered about putting on weight- ducking patriarchy!Hmm

bigarsebelinda · 25/09/2020 12:18

@Northernsoullover

I'll happily be called a petty bitch if it inspires just one person to stop using the word 'tummy' when referring to adults. I'd call it the abdominal area.

Same!

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 25/09/2020 12:25

I am a man, and I have the stereotypical beer belly. I'm trying to lose it, but only because of the health implications, not because of any shame about how I look.

Is the fact that my partner will probably find me more attractive a beneficial side effect, yes, but its not the driving force behind trying to lose weight.

As for what anyone else thinks I look like, I couldn't care less, its literally not something that even crosses my mind.

It's due to our societies socialisation on men vs. women. Look at slimming world adverts as an example, always targeted at women. Its the same thing as make up, high heels, shaved legs, lack of pockets in womens clothing. Its all there because women have to look good, whereas men can get away with looking like crap.

And the best part of this, is that men don't even care! We don't go round talking to each other about how Sheilas put on a few pounds or Maeves got greasy hair today. Somehow, we've ended up in a society where women police other women instead of all collectively saying "Fuck it!"

I'd love to fix it, because I'd love to be able to get out of the door on time without my DP stressing that she doesn't look quite right. I have no clue how to though, and if I'm honest, I've probably never thought too hard about it.

Because I've not had a shave for a week, my T-shirt has a hole in it, and as previously mentioned, I'm fat. And absolutely noone gives the slightest shit.

ZazieRoses · 25/09/2020 12:45

F

ZazieRoses · 25/09/2020 12:45

Oh I

middleager · 25/09/2020 12:54

I saw "high tummy" and assumed you were talking about a child!

Like your DH, DFIL has a beer gut/belly. My poor MIL lives off a lettuce leaf because of his comments re women's weight!

Society portrays beer bellies as something to be proud of. Beer, not fat. Men are allowed to wobble them, rest a pint on them etc.

Yet my c-section overhang has prompted comments from men about "when is the baby due" etc? I'm older now but bothered me when I was younger. If you've never heard the word "gunt" then you are very lucky Angry

ZaraW · 25/09/2020 13:09

Society portrays beer bellies as something to be proud of. Beer, not fat. Men are allowed to wobble them, rest a pint on them etc.

I work overseas and it's really only the Americans, British and Australians that are in the majority that are overweight/obese. Scandinavians, South Americans and Asians take better care of themselves.

Ginfordinner · 25/09/2020 13:14

Society portrays beer bellies as something to be proud of

I have never thought this. I think they are ugly and unhealthy, so does everyone I know.

TheNavigator · 25/09/2020 13:20

MY DH is self conscious about his weight and works hard to stay fit and slim as he puts on fat easily, so I am not sure you can generalise.

Tummy is a perfectly OK word to use and I don't know why some posters are getting in such a froth about it.

unmarkedbythat · 25/09/2020 13:21

I work overseas and it's really only the Americans, British and Australians that are in the majority that are overweight/obese. Scandinavians, South Americans and Asians take better care of themselves.

That isn't really borne out by the stats: ourworldindata.org/obesity

Thatbliddywoman · 25/09/2020 13:22

@fdgdfgdfgdfg it is nice to read that you and your peers are that way, but it isnt my experience. A lot of men I know bitch about their partner's weight/looks in general.

middleager · 25/09/2020 13:28

@Ginfordinner

Society portrays beer bellies as something to be proud of

I have never thought this. I think they are ugly and unhealthy, so does everyone I know.

I agree with you, but have unfortunately seen enough men boasting beer bellies without their tops on/building sites.

It bothered me that Boris Johnson was portayed as somebody who exercised (PR shots on his bike) when he sported a gigantic belly!

(I now have ads popping up for diabetes and lif insurance Confused)

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 25/09/2020 13:31

[quote Thatbliddywoman]@fdgdfgdfgdfg it is nice to read that you and your peers are that way, but it isnt my experience. A lot of men I know bitch about their partner's weight/looks in general.[/quote]
Yep, I'll agree with you there. I was more referring to men talking about friends, colleagues, random women in the street than their own partners. People will obviously have a much stronger opinion on someone they are meant to want to have sex with, and that can come out in fairly unpleasant ways.

Deux · 25/09/2020 13:38

Well high tummy is a strange euphemism for fat or obese.

You’re right though, it’s almost expected that men will get a huge gut and won’t feel shamed for it. It’s unusual to find a middle aged man especially without one.

If I come across a man without a beer gut I always think that they must look after themselves and that in itself is attractive.

Also I think a lot of men think they don’t need to bother anymore once they settle down (huge mistake imo).

hollieberrie · 25/09/2020 13:41

I ALWAYS say tummy and so do most of my family and friends. There's really no problem, its just an abbreviation of stomach surely?

emilybrontescorsett · 25/09/2020 13:44

I wasn’t aware men are proud to have a beer belly. I assumed most men would rather be slim and have a flat stomach.
I would find it odd if an overweight man commented on a woman’s body.
As for what you can do op I’m not sure. Your dh will have to want to do something about it first.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.