Best cut for clown hair and a fat face?

[RonaldMcDonaldio]

I currently have just past shoulder length hair - looks nice and it's great for tying up out of the way, so low maintenance from a day to day perspective. But owing to how thick and pouffy it is, it's high maintenance from a washing and conditioning point of view - it's quite coarse and strong, curly, with a very rough cuticle, so it's wild and frizzy and has to be beaten into submission with product and heat after washing to look presentable. This takes some time, and I have quite a lot of breakage which is understandable.

We are about to embark on a life changing move, which will involve living in a campervan for a while. The hot water tank just doesn't hold enough water for me to wash and condition my clown wig, so I am thinking of cutting it all off.

Here are 3 pictures. The first is as it is now, washed and rough dried by a hairdresser - the second is washed and left to air dry with product on it, before someone recommends the curly girl method. Honestly, don't, I tried it and looked like worzel gummidge for months until I gave up.

The last is a shorter cut I had about 10 years ago, which I really liked. It will take a bit of faffing about every morning but nothing too serious, and at least washing and drying it won't take a pint of conditioner and product and an hour of sweating.

For context, I am 47, a little bit fat with a chubby chin, but I have good skin, light green eyes to go with my dark hair, few wrinkles and colour all my greys.

What d'you reckon, yay ou nay?

Hang on Goddess, you can use the keratin treatment like a conditioner? What is this wizardry? Any one in particular?

Pic 3 is my favourite, really lovely. I also like pic 2. Pic 1 is ok, just a bit non-descript.

Love picture 3. You’ve great hair!

Thanks Lady Anne.

Cariadlet, you're absolutely right, that's what my long "smooth" (but coarse) hair is - nondescript! It's the perfect word, and I've spent my life trying to stand out, whether it's with wild punk hairstyles and clothes as a teenager, or being super clever and ambitious and totally sassy in my later years.

I think I'm failing on the sass front. I washed and let my hair dry naturally again today, and I looked like a cocker spaniel, you bloody liars.

Looked everywhere for a curly hair specialist, there seems to be one a couple of towns away - £52 a cut mind. I'm in two minds, if I'm not planning on wearing it super curly then just a good cut will work won't it?

Its called Keratin Therapy Lisse Design- Easy Lisse. The long lasting discipline conditioner. I think it's about 40 quid but you only need a tiny amount and it's makes your hair all swishy.

And FWIW castor oil makes my hair look like a chip pan

I'm with Atalune, have serious hair envy over photo 2, I'd swop you my fine poker straight, uninteresting hair in a heartbeat! You sound determined though so photo 3 is the next best, I don't like photo 1 it doesn't do your hair justice at all.

I love it in the second photo !!!

As the owner of flat fine boring hair honestly I would kill. Kill I tell you!!! to have bouncy beautiful hair like 😞 don’t cut it !!

I absolutely love pic 2 , pic 3 is very nice if you really wanted to cut it shorter but 2 is my favourite, 🌸

You don't have clown hair or a fatty face, the sections pic looks fab, the 3rd one is good too.

Update!

Scored an appointment with a "curly hair specialist" this afternoon - the salon director, no less! She looked at all my pictures, straight and curly, all my "idea" pictures, had a feel of my hair, washed it, handled it a bit more, then said,

"For probably only the second time in my career, I am going to suggest that you wear your hair straight."

Hahaha! After all that!

Go back and tell her that the Mumsnet hive mind says she's wrong. We love your curly hair!

Noòoo what is wrong with her, are you sure is wasn't a junior member of staff moonlighting for extra cash

Pic 2 is really really lovely.

Find another hairdresser ASAP

What???

Well I never ever

I was faintly perturbed by this turn of events. But I have learned a lot about how to deal with my hair to maintain its "classic wave", and that owing to age and menopause the front pieces will never have the same strength or size of curl as the rest so it will look better all wavy or all straight.

I also learned that a good acidic shampoo will encourage the cuticle to stay tightly closed and reduce the pouffiness of my hair, and that the right shampoo is more important than all the follow up products. In all these years I never thought the shampoo mattered.

I had a cut but nowhere near as short as I expected. Its pretty much the same length at the front as it was before, angled up at the back - an angled "lob" I think? She recommended no layers and took pictures of my hair rough dried to show me where the wave sat, and how layers would sit in the wrong place and make the hair look bushy. So it's more or less all one length (I've always avoided that as I think it sits a bit heavy, but we'll see if she's right once I've washed and styled it myself).

She was certainly knowledgeable, honest, experienced and very highly trained, so although I'm surprised, I'm not about to suggest she doesn't know what she is talking about - she clearly does. I'm just a bit skeptical that this will work out as she visualised (and a bit disappointed that I didn't come out with the short curly bob I was aiming for).

She styled it straight and I have hair colour all over my scalp, so I'll post a picture when I've washed it again and dried it wavy, if anyone wants to see.

It's just occurred to me, she waded straight in and offered to colour it even though I hadn't booked for colour, haven't been there before and didn't have a patch test! Yikes. She described it as an acid glossing treatment without peroxide though...maybe it doesn't need one.

Oh...I was wearing a face mask but told her I have a bit of a chubby face, so was anxious not to go for a length that would accentuate my double chin. She got me to take my mask off and studied me closely before smiling and saying it was nowhere near as bad in reality as it is in my mind!

Sweet.

and it's makes your hair all swishy @TheGoddessFrigg

I've always wanted swishy hair. What is this miracle swishy making product?! Do I use it daily instead of regular conditioner? £40 is a bit out of my price range but if it will really make my hair swish I'll start saving my pennies!

Another vote for the curly pic from me

Honestly I love the natural curly one. I think it looks fantastic. The short cut is great too though.

Late to this I know but I too love photo 2.

Perplexed by the 'hair specialist'!

Looking forward to your photos. I think tho, that all the battling to straighten your hair is causing the trouble. Photo 1 looks like your hair has been mistreated whereas photo 2 is your hair looking way more natural.

Ps please stop saying you've 'clown hair' and 'fat face'! Neither are remotely true 😊

I really want to see your new do!

Yes, can we see your new do please op ?

I liked the short cut idea, but the angled lob sounds lovely. I personally love it when hairdressers are quite opinionated with me, as I never know what to do with my hair.

I have a natural wave in my hair as well. I definitely know why you might not like the curly pic, because mine would go like that for a pic and strangers might say it looked fab, but in person and on my actual face, it looks a mess! I also suit my hair better when it's straight I think.

You have my hair! Or close to it. Mine when left to dry naturally is very curly but only underneath. The top layers are coarse but straight-they don't even hold a curl if I style it .

If you wouldn't mind posting a new pic, I'd love to see it. And what acidic shampoo do you use? I've never considered the pH of my shampoo!

Gorgeous, gorgeous hair.
Try Hershesons everything cream. I have fine hair, so not thick like yours, but very curly, and this cream keeps the curls nicely defined but soft and not loaded with product. A tube lasts ages as as you only need a tiny amount . This is all I do, I don’t blow dry it or do anything else at all.

Should have read your update, sorry.
But personally I feel keeping curls straighter than they want to be is endless faff and hassle, and that having natural hair is easy.