Consider dating at this size or wait to hit my goal (pic)?

[Maria53]

Hi everyone, I used to be a svelte size 10 and had an hourglass figure I was very happy with. I'm now 12/14/16 depending on brand. I'm being investigated for endometriosis and have to lose weight.

After an awful break up I ate my weight in toblerones and McDonalds and now I'm 1 1/2 stones overweight.

I have lost half a stone since lockdown, im eating healthier and exercising more but thought I would have made more progress. I promised myself I would be single for a year before and now it's just past a year I'm quite keen.

Fyi I didnt actually wear this outfit outside my hips are the absolute worst and very stubborn, my stomach has shrunk a bit the hips and bum are hard to shift!! Not sure whether to wait til maybe the end of year before dating again until I make more progress.

That's horrid @SisterAgatha !

I think you are right, my weight will probably fluctuate throughout life and I do what the man in my life to love me all ways. I dont however want to get too overweight again.

I actually met my awful ex via online dating and it has made me wary of online. I dated a very nice guy for 6 months after that, after meeting him in my theatre group. I am late 20s and get asked out by younger men, when I would much prefer to date older.

I have also got stretch marks around my hip area that only appeared a few months ago. They are awful purple streaks and only look improved with light make up!

The thought of undrrssing and having my weight gain bared for all to see isnt great. I actually think that is the main factor to holding me back.

Look, not every man is horrified by women occasionally gaining weight. They really aren't ime. I should know, I'm fat as fuck , (but also and yes, I am on a diet, nobody freak out).

Omg you look amazing! Get out there! However OLD dating is not for the faint hearted and will not really be a confidence boost! My mate is a 6ft goddess, absolutely stunning but when she politely turned down someone was told her eyes were too close together anyway!!!

Nothing wrong with you! You look fabulous. I'm 7 stone over weight, and I'd date confidently! It's about how you make people feel in your energy, not what you look like, although yes it helps initially. I know so many single good looking thin unconfident people, stop worrying, start living!

I'd kill for a figure like yours! You look curvy and sexy and totally va va voom!

If you'd be more confident waiting a while then do that, but don't not do it because of the way you look cos you're knockout!

OP you look deliciously curvy. Not big as you seem to think (not like there would be anything wrong if you were big). I am not sure if it's the photo, the outfit or the pose but you look healthy and not like you should lose weight. Definitely get out there, but in confidence. Because confidence is what is sexy.

You look bloody amazing!

You've a great figure and don't forget men have hang-ups about their bodies too.

I'd hold off a while & get yourself mentally in a stronger position as online dating can give your self-esteem a battering if not.
Men have body hang ups (& stretch marks) too so in that sense I think your over thinking it & under valuing yourself. In that mindset it's also easier to fall prey to attention & flattery, missing some red flags in process.

You have a cracking figure OP. Go for it.

Ah thanks for the kind comments! It has made me smile. It's been a few years since ive had them. Which seems a bit shocking really. It will remind me to compliment other women more.

What size do you think I look? 14?

Lockdown has at least given me time to think about my boundaries in relationships. I think I have my bar set quite high now (I dont care too much about height etc, but I do care about being a good person and making me laugh etc). Any sign of not being a stellar character and they're out.

If a man isn’t interested because you’re a size 14/16/18 whatever then he isn’t good enough for you.

Jeez , you have a better figure than most women , hourglass and womanly . Most men love that . Get out there !

Go for it. You are looking good. Anyone who worries about a few stretch marks when you undress would not deserve you anyway. Besides, they will be looking elsewhere.

Having the right person to offer support and fun along life’s road is good for you too. Personally, l would not be concerned about older or younger though. Just someone who seems right.

I’d wear a different face madk to the one in the picture though, that one doesn’t suit you.

Is this a joke?

Or are you fishing for compliments?

Dress sizes, as you've said, vary a lot between shops. Please don't judge yourself by some fairly arbitrary number.

I feel that as you are lacking in confidence in your own appearance,then you should wait and work on your own self worth.

I've been married for 20 years so know nothing about dating. I'm also a lot bigger than you. But I know I've spent 30 of my 48 years putting thing off until I lose weight. Guess what? My life has passed me by while I was waiting.

Whatever you want to do, get out and do it.

Funny @StarlightLady I will opt for a different mask.

This thread has made me feel a bit better. To be honest my confidence hasnt been great for a couple of years (with moments where I am more confident in between - I reckon most people see me as a confident woman but my confidence has had some knocks).

It's been hard because I always looked in the mirror and thought 'hey not bad at all' & considered myself a catch. But I always avoid looking now or undress nowhere near the mirror.

I'll keep working on fitness and diet. What else can I do but that? I think if I was until I am 'truly confident' before dating I'll wait forever. Wish the stretch marks would fade asap though!

Behaviour change - undress in front of the mirror and feel good! It’s worth it.

Look up Danae Mercer on Instagram, she's been showing the reality behind "perfect" pics, the contrast between her "posed" pics and her sitting relaxing pics is fab. Its been a real eye opener for me, as I often catch myself in the mirror and think "yuk" as I'm slumped but pull myself up and breathe in and I too can look fab

You look great but sound still vulnerable and not ready to date from a self esteem point particularly as OLD is an especial type of head fuckery. You need thick skin and bags of confidence imo for OLD. Otherwise it might set you back. If a slimmer body will give you more confidence then wait.
There will always be men who find you hot or not at any size. And remember, its not like all these men are Anthony Joshuas...

I don't think I'll start with OLD. I prefer to meet men organically although it is difficult. I'll maybe aim to date a bit later on the year.

I actually found my confidence improving before lockdown as was pushing myself to do shows in front of audiences and getting good feedback. A couple of men approached me after the shows. I wasnt interested in them but it was nice.

My self esteem is never going to be sky high as long as my stretch marks are like this (I would feel better once they fade to more silvery). That's just the way it is. Maybe I can invest in some new underwear I feel good in and change my hair etc.

I know this is external stuff but I do think I deserve a good guy so it's not like I am vulnerable to creeps. I generally have dated good men and I think I just got very unlucky with the last guy. But I did ignore a few red flags - I won't do that again.

Gurl you are HOT!!! I wouldn't be surprised if you had people falling over you! 99% of men and women I know prefer a curvier partner, not the super slim figure the media have told us is attractive - they have a lot to answer for!

In terms of stretch marks, I had some of those big red streaky ones on my upper thighs and used BioOil every night for a month and they have disappeared to practically nothing.

I find the question in your title fascinating. Just goes to show how differently we all think and perceive ourselves. There’s many people who wouldn’t think to stop dating until they look perfect, they just have the confidence/self esteem to go for it regardless. I think that’s your issue, it’s not your looks, but your mind?