What is ageing my friend?

[rhetoricalmugwump]

I'm 35, my friend is 46 but looks younger. I look about my age, maybe 33 on a really good day.

We're both celtic, so there is a similarity of skin tone and colouring etc.... She's one dress size larger than me.

However, when we are out, we are often mistaken for mother and daughter (not sisters). It's really knocking her confidence, but I have no idea why people are making that assumption. On face value and in reality there isnt enough of an age gap.

I'm wondering if its the fact that she dresses trendily and I don't? Nothing mad, just wearing the jeans/trainers that 'everyone' has, and the little things like painting one nail a different colour or midi rings (when everyone was going that), frequent hair colour changes. I guess I'm more classic, I stick to shapes and colours that suit me and rarely deviate. In theory I should look older from being boring.

Or is it maybe confidence, I seem a bit wallflowery in comparison and so must be younger?

I’d guess the bigger dress size makes people seem older.

Menopause?
It sure as hell made me look older. I'm only slightly heavier than I was but I'm a different shape.

Maybe it's the weight, shapechange, menopause.

Maybe I cant see it because I see her so often.

Hope she gets her confidence back somehow because I hate seeing her like this, and tbh it is effecting our friendship.

I mean if she looks 50 and you look 30-33 then she could be your mum...

The 'trendy' nail polish (hasn't been trendy since the 200s). But it could just be demeanour, she might feel caring towards you and her body language indicates 'maternal' because of it

Do you look especially young for your age OP? Is she much taller than you?

Does it really matter? Be happy with who you are.

Same height. I look 33-35, she looks 41-45.

It only matters in that its upsetting her. She's taken to introducing me now, ... 'this is my friend ...'. which I'm finding a bit annoying. Obviously trying to prevent the misunderstanding before it happens. I used to do this when I was carrying too much weight around the middle, I'd always buy wine when out as it could never be confused with a soft drink to stave off being asked the question. I feel for her.

You say she is one size bigger than you. If she is taller than you, that might make a difference.

Sorry. Just saw your post above.

Classic isn’t boring.

Maybe it is the maternal thing. She is more confident and dominates conversation a bit, and is warm (where i'm cold).

I've often been mistaken for friends' DD. One such friend is 10 years younger than me but much taller. I am short, still dress like a student and am very au natural (lazy) with quite thick eyebrows (not drawn on), long natural undyed hair, very little make up if that helps?!

She's taken to introducing me now, ... 'this is my friend ...'. which I'm finding a bit annoying.

Why does this annoy you?

Because i'm quite shy and saying something early on, like my name, helps me to join in conversations.

I'm high effort, but to look like I havent bothered, so yes, I probably have something of that going on.

But you say you “are” her friend. What is wrong with her introducing you as such?

You mean high maintenance?

Yes, I would be more high maintenance (but you'd not think that).

Something has changed in the friendship because of this, and I want it to change back.

Possibly because she is bigger than you?

Have you discussed this with her?

She's only 1 size bigger, not lots. But maybe theres a tipping point.

The first time it happened we both pretended not to notice (was in a shop so not worth correcting), then in a cafe, which I corrected and brushed it off and moved on. The third time was in a pub, where a guy approached me and then "introduced himself to my mum". She corrected him quite brisquely and he slunk off embarrased. That was the worst one.

I tried to talk to her after that, but she brushed it off. Since then there has been an edge to everything.

If you look a bit younger and she looks a bit older, she could be your mum, and you say you have a similar ‘look’ so 🤷🏼‍♀️ surely introducing you as ‘this is my friend rhetorical’ is the ideal solution?

Because i'm quite shy and saying something early on, like my name, helps me to join in conversations.

^^

How else would you introduce yourself?

Also, if she does get to the stage where she has to introduce you (rather than you doing it yourself) what else is she supposed to say? This is my non daughter?

Is it a haircut thing?

I really dont see that she looks older, but maybe i'm just bad at ages.

The solution might be stopping occurances, but her confidence has taken a nose dive, i'm getting snipey comments every so often, and it is hanging over our interactions.

I think the maternal comment was probbaly the right guess. I dont know to leave it alone, or mention it.