What is ageing my friend?

[rhetoricalmugwump]

I'm 35, my friend is 46 but looks younger. I look about my age, maybe 33 on a really good day.

We're both celtic, so there is a similarity of skin tone and colouring etc.... She's one dress size larger than me.

However, when we are out, we are often mistaken for mother and daughter (not sisters). It's really knocking her confidence, but I have no idea why people are making that assumption. On face value and in reality there isnt enough of an age gap.

I'm wondering if its the fact that she dresses trendily and I don't? Nothing mad, just wearing the jeans/trainers that 'everyone' has, and the little things like painting one nail a different colour or midi rings (when everyone was going that), frequent hair colour changes. I guess I'm more classic, I stick to shapes and colours that suit me and rarely deviate. In theory I should look older from being boring.

Or is it maybe confidence, I seem a bit wallflowery in comparison and so must be younger?

Here's the cold, hard truth for most of us Celtic types (not all! But many!)- and the truth in general- you really start aging from 45-46 onwards in ways and at a rate you haven't before. I think there's a sort of 'age leap' in the mid-late 40s. I found that from 30-40, I'd hardly aged at all. From 42 onwards, I began to really see the process speed up. Like, between 37-42, I had aged. Whereas from say 32-38, I looked great! I am going on 48 now and to be honest, I've been mistaken for a youger friend's mother. It doesn't bother me. Aging doesn't bother me too much. It is what it is. I had my 'gorgeous' years and I can't have them forever.
I wish your friend wouldn't take it so personally. It's not your fault that this unfortunate comment was made. She needs to just put it aside and move on.

It's probably nothing to do with the way either of you dress of your size. What you may see as in what you both look like age wise, other people might see totally different. Someone else will see a huge age gap between you whereas others won't. People may just make presumptions if they see one woman that looks slightly older than the other as mother and daughter. I wouldn't get it bother either if you.

I am 28, I think I look about 23 ish but genuinely most people think I am not a day over 20. Everyone sees differently.

TheVanguardSix - so much to look forward to! But yes, I agree with your assessment. Certainly the case in my family now you mention it.

Beau20 - true, people make age guesses from all sorts of things. A few others have said it, but it's basically a rounding error and will sort it self out again shortly. This has only been happening in the last year.

I'll try to ignore the behaviors that are bothering me.

Thanks all for taking the time.

Sorry for any offense caused by my clumsy thread.

Hopefully she'll feel better soon.

Just to chip in here. Your friend is at peri menopause age so her annoyance may be made worse by that, hormones all over the place and feeling like something is up but can't quite put her finger on it.

How come she's always introducing you to new people? Have you not known her for long?

3 years ago I fell ill while out shopping with a friend.
We were both 40 & a similar size.
The paramedic said to my friend 'are you mum' & I was too out of it to respond, I can't remember what my friend said.

At 40 I did still look young with no lines, long blonde hair & parka; my friend was tired looking due to toddler & sleepless nights, was dressed down & her hair was greying in a shorter style plus she must've been looking very concerned about me.

We have never mentioned what the paramedic said but she's been dieting, wearing more fashionable styles & keeping her hair blonder. She does look good.

She has a new job & stylish new work colleagues she says she feels under pressure to keep up with.

So I don't think anyone could mistake us for anything but friends now.
But I feel sad that she's felt under pressure to change her appearance.

Just wait to be a bit older still! I am 63; my mum will be 85 tomorrow, and now we are just two invisible ageing women shopping together. We could be sisters, or parent-child, or cousins, or friends... and guess what. You stop worrying about it. We all age. If it horrifies you or her, take off your glasses; the clock turns back 20 years! There is really no point in asking how old you look because your friends will try to be kind/make you feel good by under-estimating your years. Then a sales assistant asks if you're buying kid clothes for your DGC and you retort, no my own DC. I was a very old mum so it's not that surprising TBH.

Btw not sure why I said about me wearing a parka, that's not what made me look younger than my friend lol

SunshineAvenue, known her 15 years. She's one of those warm people who others gravitate to. If she's been somewhere before she'll know someone there. I'm being introduced to acquaintances, and basic strangers she got chatting to while at the bar. Sometimes people on neighbouring tables join in our conversations as well, then we introduce ourselves. Hadn't thought of peri-menopause. You are right.

Ha, love the parka anti-ageing tip! Sad for your friend though. It obviously effected her.

I suppose I realise more that people make a snap assessment and don't over think it. So not taking it personally is right. And I will remember that when it happens to me.