Quick fix to boost appearance and self esteem

[Tiredandgrumpytonight]

I’ve gained a fair bit of weight recently and have also been very tired, busy and skint. For these reasons my appearance and self esteem have gone dramatically downhill. To the point that apart from colleagues and family, I can barely look anyone in the eye and just have this constant feeling of shame for how terrible I look.

My hair is shoulderish length and I’m currently growing out colour which is obviously not a good look so I’m wearing it up a lot. I’ve got quite a few shorter bits round the front at my hairline so end up with that attractive devil horn look.

Make up is basic - foundation, eyebrows (badly done, I’m certain), blusher and mascara. My look doesn’t change from day to night. It’s my only look. My skin is relatively clear most of the month but is very pale and not in a pale and interesting way. It’s fairly red in areas and blotchy so when I do go without make up I just feel awful. I look like death warmed up.

Clothes - due to having gained a lot of weight and going up a couple of sizes I’m down to very much the bare minimum, especially with work clothes and am loathe to replace them because of course I’m convinced I’ll manage to lose the weight one day. So things are probably a bit more worn than I’d like them to be and I maybe only have 5 ‘outfits’ for work that I wear week on week. We’re also trying to be VERY careful with money in order to pay off some credit card so I feel really really guilty if I spend any money on myself.

So any wise words for me? I want to just feel more level with others and not ashamed to even look at people. I feel like people judge me for how bad I look and maybe even if affects my children.

I was thinking of maybe trying to get a couple of treatments done so that I feel and look more put together without having to load make up on every morning and without spending a fortune. Any suggestions?

Thanks!

Go and sort your hair out, you can have it blended so it's easier to grow the colour out. For me unless my hair is nice I don't feel nice at all regardless of how much make up or whatever I use. Do that instead of skin treatments.

Don't bother with treatments, take care of your skin at home and do your nails and feet at home too.

Go to Primark and get some nice new basics and address your weight later when you feel like tackeling it.

tired, busy and skint?

Hmm ...

Here's my take for improving your health and self-esteem. It does involve spending some money, but sometimes you have to I think (the debt can wait a couple of extra months).

1. Agree haircut and colour will impact most. A good hairdressers could do some colour or colour correction. If you have time, get a consultation at a few different ones before deciding what you want. Maybe also a good haircut. Hair colour and cut go a long way. That will all cost maybe £100 - £150? A decent non-sulphur shampoo and conditioner too will help keep it in peak condition £20?

1. Forget new clothes for now, unless you see a couple of good basics out there. I am sure what you have is not as bad as you think. I know its a difficult time of year but plan to start a healthier way of eating / diet and stick to it for a few months. Just losing one stone will bring you down a size. Good food may cost a little bit more, but its better to that IMO than spend money on new clothes.

1. Make up. M&S do some really great Primers (e.g. "Pur"). Under foundation - or instead of foundation - can give a great glow when looking under the weather. Buy a couple of palette eyeshadow things - Lancome is good quality. A few decent bits of make up shouldn't come to more than £100

1. Agree that 'treatments' are mostly a waste of time. But maybe a nice bath oil might be nice once or twice a week? £20 ish.

Hope helps.

This could have been written by me OP. I haven't had my hair cut or coloured for 18 months. I've put on 3 stone in that time too. 😢

I've recently had my hair coloured at a salon for the first time ever.(£100!!!) BUT, it looks so much better than it's ever done. The colours are blended so that they look really natural, and a good cut means I don't have to spend ages styling it every morning.

I would second what a PP said; do your nails at home and make sure you cleanse and moisturise every night and morning. Nivea is a great moisturiser and very cheap.

Maybe invest in a few accessories in this season's colours to brighten up your existing clothes (scarves, tights, bags etc).

I would wait until after the new year to try to lose weight, as it's virutally impossible this time of year and will make you feel more crap if you fail.

Good luck!

Also, drink lots of water to help your skin look better.

You really don't need £20 bath oil and make up costing £100 when you are paying off a credit card, seriously.

Ahh thanks everyone!

I want fully rid of my colour for getting married so can I still get some colour in the already coloured bits (if that makes sense ) with that aim in mind? Just to match it up a bit. I tell myself it just looks like ombré but I’m sure it doesn’t!

I already use really ‘good’ make up as I find - for foundation anyway - that most cheaper brands the palest one is always still orange toned but I just don’t ever seem to look very nice. Probably being really pale doesn’t help.

I should be doing my nails, I have nice nails. I manage to always have them a good length so I should be painting them at home. No reason not to be.

Thanks everyone!

Yes,go to a good colourist and explain what you your aim is and see what they suggest. I grew mine out but had some colours put in to break it up, it was amazing the difference.

Great, thanks. I thought I was stuck with it until it had grown out.

@Devaki I’m sorry you feel the same way. It’s 3 and a bit stone I’ve gained in a similar time frame and I just feel like absolute shit about it.

I read an article (maybe in stylist) where someone wore the exact same outfit for a month and no one noticed to the point where when she told people they argued with her. Your five outfits will be just fine!

I think you should download the headspace app and do their free stuff. No one is thinking half as badly of you as you do yourself.

When you’re thinking badly of yourself try talking out loud and asking yourself ‘would you think that of a friend? Would you think that of an enemy?’ You need to be kinder to you op, no one thinks you look crap just because you gained a bit if weight.

I think you are me! I could have written this. 3 stone overweight, had lost 2 but regained, growing out hair colour and no money for pick me ups. I can live with my fat bum but it's the rolls of chins and my eyes that now look tiny that upset me. I seem to have developed a resting bitch face too. Just want to hide.

Oh you sound lovely. Please treat yourself to a cut & colour - it'll make a huge difference. Get some basic clothes at Primark to tide you over. I'm also blown away with the quality of make up and skincare there. Watch tutorials for make up online and Google how to do a home facial. The haircut will really give you a boost. Please don't think you look awful, I bet you don't. Look after yourself and don't feel the need to spend a fortune. Primark facemasks etc are superb, and I'm used to high end brands. Make your hair a priority and love yourself x

Ps it might be worth getting your eyebrows threaded and tinted. It's very reasonably priced and makes a big difference. Good luck.

clotheswise you could also try facebook marketplace, primark or maybe a charity shop. Its not that bad I promise. I got a few winter coats that I love from them. I too have put on weight. Try tkmaxx for decent price cosmetic and bath treatments. even one day a week with candles and a face mask for a half hour pamper session. Its all about the self love thing. in the end other peoples opinion doesn't matter here and if they have a negative one who needs them anyway.

Here is my advice for what it’s worth:

• get a decent haircut. Let your colour grow out.

• leave your eyebrows alone for a while and then get them threaded.

• don’t spend money you don’t have on treatments etc. Instead, concentrate on drinking lots of water, walking more - especially in the fresh air - keeping your nails nice, exfoliating your body (with home made salt or sugar scrub or a body brush) and cleansing and moisturising well.

• if your bras don’t fit due to weight gain, go and get measured and get a decent bra that fits. In a pinch it’s possible to get away with one nude bra. It will make a difference to how your clothes fit.

• be nice to yourself. There’s no need to feel shame over how you look, nor to add to your financial burden because you feel bad about yourself.

Superdrug do eyebrow threading for about £7. You can get dybrow from there too and tint your brows (get the brown one, not black if you are pale). I don't work for superdrug, although you might think it from this post but their own brand skincare is good (and cheap).
BarryM nail polishes are nice and not expensive, if you want to do your own nails. Use with a top coat.
I agree that you should get your hair tidied up. That will probably be your biggest expense. And I agree about buying a few new basics, just to freshen up your clothes and make you feel better.

I have started using a bit of overnight fake tan on my face which I think gives a bit of a boost just to not wake up looking so pale in a morning and I have had a few comments saying I just look a bit brighter

Also have invested in a couple of cheap accessories like some nice hair clips to put in when my hair is up or to keep it off my face as I am growing out a style. There are loads in the shops at the moment and they are a cheap way to feel a bit more dressed up rather than buying new clothes

Lots of great ideas here, I second getting new bras that fit if you gained weight. I’ve recently done this and had to go up 3 cup sizes. I was a bit horrified at first but my (same boring) clothes do fit much better now so I feel they look a bit better.
I’m taking on the tips from here and going to get my hair sorted this week!!

Agree you should sort your hair out - you wear it every day.
My free tip to help with the weightloss/self-esteem is to go on YouTube where you will find a range of 'lose weight while you sleep' hypnosis tracks. I like those by Progressive Hypnosis. You should listen every night for 15 nights but after the first listen, you'll find yourself having smaller portions and cutting out snacks.. You CAN start before Xmas!

Did something happen that sent you on a bit of a downward spiral?
It’s important to deal with your mental state as well as all the practical things.
Ask the gp to refer you for some counselling if you’re not having any currently.
Other things that can help is walking in a park or nature every day. Mindfulness and journal writing can help. There are also self help books from the library and lots on YouTube.
Talk to a friend or a family member who cares about you.
Talk some vitamin supplements. A lot of women can benefit from iron and vitamin d.
Eat as healthy as you can for nourishment.
Start taking steps to look after yourself and prioritise things that will make you feel better. Even small things will help.

I agree about the treatments. I've only ever had one where I thought I actually really looked better afterwards.

You can do loads at home: hair mask / pedicure / manicure / fake tan etc. Just spending time on yourself can help.

Hair trim and eyebrow shape. Would come to about £30 round here. I definitely think eyebrow shaping is a quick and cheap fix to looking better regardless of your skin or weight. If you have a bit extra to spend , maybe get the coloured parts of your hair coloured to match or at least blend with the top.

You could try getting out and walking for at least 30 to 40 mins every day. It’ll make you feel better, your skin will look better and you’ll lose a couple of pounds.

Spend your money on veg rather than treatments. If you drink, cut down. If you eat a lot of sugar, cut down.

You’ll look so different in a month.

google home made face masks and things if yo7 fancy a treat. Agree that a hair cut and eyebrows are probably way to go if you do want an intervention. But try the local college first. Very cheap and they are all supervised closely.