Quick fix to boost appearance and self esteem

[Tiredandgrumpytonight]

I’ve gained a fair bit of weight recently and have also been very tired, busy and skint. For these reasons my appearance and self esteem have gone dramatically downhill. To the point that apart from colleagues and family, I can barely look anyone in the eye and just have this constant feeling of shame for how terrible I look.

My hair is shoulderish length and I’m currently growing out colour which is obviously not a good look so I’m wearing it up a lot. I’ve got quite a few shorter bits round the front at my hairline so end up with that attractive devil horn look.

Make up is basic - foundation, eyebrows (badly done, I’m certain), blusher and mascara. My look doesn’t change from day to night. It’s my only look. My skin is relatively clear most of the month but is very pale and not in a pale and interesting way. It’s fairly red in areas and blotchy so when I do go without make up I just feel awful. I look like death warmed up.

Clothes - due to having gained a lot of weight and going up a couple of sizes I’m down to very much the bare minimum, especially with work clothes and am loathe to replace them because of course I’m convinced I’ll manage to lose the weight one day. So things are probably a bit more worn than I’d like them to be and I maybe only have 5 ‘outfits’ for work that I wear week on week. We’re also trying to be VERY careful with money in order to pay off some credit card so I feel really really guilty if I spend any money on myself.

So any wise words for me? I want to just feel more level with others and not ashamed to even look at people. I feel like people judge me for how bad I look and maybe even if affects my children.

I was thinking of maybe trying to get a couple of treatments done so that I feel and look more put together without having to load make up on every morning and without spending a fortune. Any suggestions?

Thanks!

The priority is your hair. Good hair sets the correct tone for everything else about your appearance. See if your nearest hairdressing college want models.

Look on eBay for quality clothes bargains. Put together just two new work outfits and two new casual outfits. Better to buy a Preloved Whistles skirt for £4.50 than a Primark skirt for £8. Today I'm wearing barely worn Gap jeans that were only £4.00 off eBay, with a lambswool Laura Ashley sweater that was £3.99 from a charity shop.

Aim to drink 4 pints of water per day. Your first pint of the day should have a big squeeze of lemon juice in, and take a quality vitamin tablet with it.

Aim to eat 4 pieces of fruit per day. When my clothes start to feel tight I replace one meal a day with 4 pieces of fruit.

The OP actually says they are trying to be VERY careful with money and that she'll feel guilty spending on herself, therefore, for me, the possibility of £200-£300 sounds remote.

You need a two pronged attack @Tiredandgrumpytonight
First off everything you can do that's free and will start to improve both mind and body and yes, it's a hard time of year to start and to be positive but a routine that you stick to, even if it's 15 minutes a day of gentle exercise you can build on and two to four big glasses of water a day, will start to pay benefits. Decide what's realistic and make sure you do it.

I also agree on mending, ironing and polishing things and throwing out things that look too tatty or which you hate.

Read the bra blogs to get a good idea of what a proper fit should give you and do go in and get a professional fitting and take note of what they say, both about the fit but also about the shape that will suit you best. I endorse Bravissimo too, if not, an independent supplier and look critically, don't just feel railroaded if you don't agree.

When you can spend a few quid yes prioritise a hair cut and a new bra. You can do deep conditioning at home with cheaper products and buy any other underwear you need discounted in on line sales, but you do need putting on the right road.

My wardrobe updates this winter have come from Sainsbury's Tu and Tesco. My friends wear the high end of High Street+ but I never feel out of step with them. I am very selective though and go for plain or small and classic patterns only.

What you really need is something to get you going and build on that. It can be done though, with very little money and not too much change or effort, so don't despair

I would work on posture. I know you feel as if you can't look people in the eye. Just try to stand up straight - think of it as s core exercise if you have to. Think of that 'string pulling you up from the crown of your head' thing.

To help with that, find short Pilates or yoga workouts on YouTube and do one every day. If you do have access to any money at all, buy a yoga mat for home, and a class would be much better - ask around for recommendations. Does wonders for core, leg strength and the way you feel.

I'd also agree about walking. If you can find any walking buddies, go out one day soon and walk 10miles - allow 4 hours if you're not used to that sort of distance That will find any physical weaknesses you have (the first time I did it my back ached badly) but much more importantly you will feel significantly better.

If you can find any time, do volunteer. It helps.

You’re all so lovely. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your days to give me all these tips.

Annoyed with myself for leaving this so late as I’m unsure what chance I’ve got to get hair cut before Christmas now with working every day. Might try and find a late night Thursday somewhere.

Have just gone a bit bid happy on eBay and got a few plainish dresses very cheap for work so will see if any of them fit. I think a bit of variety will cheer me up.

AutumnConker
Let's take this one by one.
sneering,
No, I was laughing not sneering.

stupidly
Did you mean to write 'stupidity', because 'stupidly' is rather poor grammar in that sentence? I think you have shot yourself in the foot.

inverse snobbery
No, untrue. I use a small amount of high-end make-up myself. But luckily I can afford it.

never pleasant traits in a person.
Well, I will leave that to my friends and family to judge.

I didn’t see you make one positive suggestion btw. The OP didn’t say she wanted to spend no money. Lots of people had different suggestions about where most effective.
I often make positive suggestions on Mumsnet, I didn't have the time today - sorry OP - and just reacted to what was going on. There is no Mumsnet law that says you have to contribute a positive suggestion to each thread!

I don’t think £200 - £300 is excessive for a revamp push when felt utterly needed. The hair and make up would last 6 months.
Yes £200-300 is excessive when you are paying off credit card debt because you will be paying a high APR on that £200-300 for a long time to come.

Glad you discovered eBay

I have over a dozen different work dresses, all of them from Hobbs, Whistles, DVF and Jigsaw but don't think I've paid more than £15 for any of them. So this means I can splash out on lovely accessories to go with them like Wolford tights and Lejaby underwear.

I’d you have nice nails and can do them yourself, what about buying a cheap uv lamp and doing your own gel nails? I get polish , base and too coats on eBay and do my own as a quick, cheap pick me up

Hair. Exercise. Water. Good diet. Sleep. Funky accessories (they'll still fit when you lose weight).

Try the mumsnet haircut where you put it in a pony tail and chop. Loads of videos out there on how to do it. Use box colour.

OP I never used to take care of myself at all, and don't have a great deal of money to spend on myself, but I have made gradual changes to try to incorporate things into my routine, so I don't just give up. The things I have found make a difference to how I feel are:

• hair cut and colour. I can't afford an expensive salon but my hairdresser charges £55 for a cut, colour/highlights and blow dry. I have it done about every 10 weeks and it has improved the condition of my hair no end. She comes to my house too!

• I paint my own nails, the Avon gel look ones are good and last a week or so if I use the top coat as well. I usually buy them when they're on 2 for £7. I try to do it on a Sunday night and I definitely feel better the weeks I've made the effort!

• eyebrows. I can't tell you how much better I look and feel when I've had my eyebrows done. I used to get them threaded but the lady I used moved away so I've recently started going to someone who does waxing. It's much quicker and still has a good shape. I had them tinted last time and wish I'd done it before! My eyebrows are quite fair and it made such a difference. £12 for waxing and tinting, I get it done about every 8 weeks.

I use Olay moisturiser and am lucky to have reasonably good skin. I don't often wear make up other than eye shadow and mascara. I ask for vouchers for Primark and Boots for Christmas/birthday so I can get new makeup and clothes/accessories throughout the year.

My next step is to start using cleanser and toner twice a day after a telling off from my beauty therapist/eyebrow lady. And also drink more water. And stop eating chocolate.

I can feel some New Years resolutions coming on here

Someone just reminded me I have a gel nail kit! Annoyed now because I painted my nails today (well, 6 so far) but as soon as it’s off I’ll do the gel.

I can just never be bothered with all of this stuff. I’d always rather be sitting watching tv than faffing about with my nails or my face or tan etc but I need to prioritise me now. There’s so much I could be doing for no money that would really help.

"Probably being really pale doesn’t help."

M&S Autograph fake tan drops mixed in with your moisturiser will sort that out. Words wonders.

M&S have some really lovely looking make up. Could easily spend a fortune on there!

M&S Autograph fake tan drops mixed in with your moisturiser will sort that out.

I love the stuff you learn on MN. Going to try that immediately!

Can you use more than one primer at once? Is that ridiculous?

" The OP has posted that she is really short of money, but people have suggested spending £100 - £150 on a salon cut/colour, £20 bath oil and eyeshadow palettes from Lancombe!
hmm"

Mumsnet innit? :)
I pay £60 for cut and colour and I thought that was a lot. I do think it's worth going to a salon over a box at home, though. The suggestion of a local college is good, another possibility is if you have a friend with some hairdressing experience who'd help you with a cheap box dye. It's difficult to put it on properly yourself I think.

The Palmers bath oil is a few pounds. I wouldn't pay £20 for something that goes down the drain.

"The hair and make up would last 6 months."

No way does hair dye last 6 months. 6-8 weeks more like!
Makeup can last a long time of course, but if you make a mistake buying expensive makeup...

"I’d always rather be sitting watching tv than faffing about with my nails or my face or tan etc but I need to prioritise me now. "

You can do nails and fake tan in front of the TV!
The Autograph thing I was talking about is really easy - you don't need to look in the mirror.

"M&S Autograph fake tan drops mixed in with your moisturiser will sort that out.

I love the stuff you learn on MN. Going to try that immediately!"

I learned about it from Sali Hughes. It's called a 'gradual' tan, but I'm brown straight away with it. So easy to apply as well.
Sali says 3 drops, but I use 4 or 5:
www.theguardian.com/fashion/2019/jul/20/the-best-face-tanning-products-sali-hughes

So do you just use that on your face or your whole body?

I've bought Revolution make up from Superdrug, it's actually pretty good and cheap! Can you find a local hairdresser that will come to your house? I save so much money and I've made a friend with mine, she charged me £50 for full head of highlights and I'm close to London where I'd normally pay £120 for the same thing.

The fake tan drops are just for the face.

Agree about Pilates too I just do a half hour lunchtime class a week and it does really make a difference to how you look and feel yoga is also good too

You just reminded me that I have fake tan drops, thanks!

OP - I do my nails in front of TV or whilst online. I can do both hands in about 20 minutes now

If money is really tight I'd focus on what you have already.

There is no need at all to spend on things like paying someone else to do your nails (although I see you've remembered you have a gel kit so that's good).

If a hair appointment is difficult now then I'd put a box dye on it. Not a permanent one but just a semi which will blend your current colour/natural but won't stay on your hair for more than 24 washes. It should also make your hair really shiny.

For your skin mix a soluble aspirin with honey and apply this as a face mask. The aspirin contains salicylic acid as found in lots of top end beauty products. This will brighten your skin and is a really good face mask.

Get out all of your products and see what you actually have. I bet you will have things you've forgotten about even if they're just samples. Then every evening in front of the tv do one beauty thing, whether thats nails, face mask, hair mask (an egg and some olive oil mixed together and left on for as long as you can is a really good protein hair mask), pedicure (use listerene to soak off the dead skin first), body scrub (sugar or coffee granules in olive oil). These things will make a difference.

Make up wise its all about the application and far less about the actual product (as much as the brands would like us to believe they're the one and only company that has found the magic solution to all our beauty woes/insecurities. Eyeshadow for example is basically talc with colour included. The one thing that will make a difference is a correctly colour matched foundation and I would spend on that. Can you post a picture of what you have and we can assist.

Then I agree with others, a lot of water, vitamin tablets, increase the amount of fruit and veg you eat, cut out the amount of sugar you eat, take a good walk every day and maybe do something like yoga with adriene (free on you tube and starts off very basic).