I am old af have a significant birthday coming up and want a dress to wear to my party.
Has to be;
Below (even just slightly) my knees as I have shit legs
Not high neck as i have a fucking huge considerable rack. I used to have great boobs actually. They stayed up on their own too. Now, not so much.
Fitted or almost fitted skirt as i have hips/thighs and that puffy stuff does nothing for me
Not floaty. I don't do floaty. It looks awful. I suit clean lines and unusual necks.
Sexy and/or stylish
Age appropriate (I'm coming 40) but not matronly.
Can be floral/patterned but not too busy
Not too casual or too weddingy.
Not pastel coloured. Will consider anything but barely-there colours.
Different. I don't want a generic dress.
Sounds easy doesn't it? 
Budget can be stretched for the right dress but ideally under £150. Size 14, but have a month to slim into it.
Has anyone seen anything fabulous? Or can direct me to somewhere different to shop?