What motivates you to make an effort with your appearance?

[ChangesAt30]

I've recently realised that over the last few years I've made less and less effort with my appearance.

Granted I work FT, and have a young DD, but DH does his fair share and I could make the time to spend on myself but I'm just so lazy with it.

I'm guessing there's various reasons why you'll make an effort - because you know you feel better for it? Maybe work requires you to look polished? Maybe you do it more for your OH?

Any quick tips for taking care of my overall appearance would be appreciated too I've just plucked my brows, took the old polish off my toenails and got rid of the dead skin off my feet, and I do feel better for it!

I came on this thread, and others like it, because I am always interested in the way women define “making an effort”.

By the generally accepted definition, make up, nails, hair removal etc, i don’t make an effort.

By my own definition, i do. I take care of my body, i exercise, eat well, generally balance my life so I feel good.

Like I said, curious as to why making an effort is always defined by grooming habits and appearance.

My “motivation” at the moment, is at 47 I’m heading for menopause so am upping weights to guard against bone loss, a bit more running and impact sport for same. Nutrition- plenty of vit D, calcium, vit b12 and iron.

Shaving my legs doesn’t feature. I am not bothered about external “effort”, but that of mind and body.

It interests me as to why I seem an oddity. And why women feel they need to present an external image of bothering about appearance.

In particular, why women wearing or not wearing make up or removing body hair seems to be linked to mental health and depression...

I don't think you're an oddity at all - in real life you'd probably be in the majority. It's just you're on the Style and Beauty board so 'making an effort' tends to be interpreted that way!

I'm pretty sure most posters have said they do it because they like it, not because they feel pressured into it. You'd have had a point if you'd challenged me because I've said I don't particularly enjoy it and yet I still do it - it's challenging posters who say it gives them pleasure and makes them feel good that I don't quite understand.

This morning when I woke up I really really did not want to go to work. Then I put on one of my fave dresses, took extra care with my hair and some bright lippy and felt so much better.

I had my battle suit on. Plus that time in front of the mirror in the morning has a strangely meditative quality too because I do my makeup on autopilot and find it oddly relaxing

My motivation is simple. If I look good, then I feel good. I don't go over the top but every day I am freshly showered, perfume, subtle make up and wearing an outfit rather than just pulling anything on.

The main reason I hate being ill is feeling too poorly to shower, or get dressed so I just feel a complete scruff all day. Yuck. I have regular pedicures, a good skincare routine and have my teeth whitened.

My mother is half French and never looks anything less than stylish and put together. Her make up is minimal but she wouldn't dream of leaving the house without it on. In France women are admired for making an effort whereas in the UK it's often sneered at as being shallow or vain

I know for a fact that people respond far more positively toward me when I am well groomed. I know we're not meant to but people do judge on appearances all the time. DH loves me for me but I know he is proud of how I look

I do the full works (well feels like it to me!) yet at the end of it I still look distinctly average so if I were to do less or nothing I'd look horrendous. That's what motivates me.

dyouwantfries. me too! well put.

I love makeup. I love clothes too, and I love looking and feeling nice. I take about ten minutes to do my makeup, but always wear “bold” lipstick, usually red, and it’s just part of me. I went to the hairdresser on Saturday wearing a new outfit, and when I took my jacket off, the receptionist (female) said “oh, you look amazing!” which was so lovely and made me smile all day. (I was wearing a jumpsuit and my DP - male - was not quite as keen on it!)

I had worked in the City for a long time, in a highly professional and smart atmosphere and left with my tail more or less between my legs five years ago. While I was always clean and neat during my time away, I didn’t have much “reason” (or so I thought) to look after my appearance like I had before. My DH didn’t really care and had sort of given the impression he thought it frivolous and not a good use of my time or money to spend on makeup or clothes.

Our financial circumstances required me last year to swallow my pride and come back to the City. A lot of my old clothes, which were of great quality, didn’t fit anymore so I’ve been working really hard to lose weight and most of them I’m wearing again and feeling great. It has motivated me to start and keep up with a skincare routine at 52 and like others have said upthread, I’ve become a little obsessed too. I’m constantly spending my lunch hours literally pounding the pavement racking up Weight Watchers Fitpoints and checking out Boots’ and M&S’s skincare offerings. My DH now also thinks I look great and he has said he thinks going back to the City has been really good for me.

The contract I am in now is coming to an end this week and I don’t yet have the next one lined up, so for at least a few weeks I will be “school-run mum” again but I am determined not to let my standards slip. I don’t have to justify it to my DH (he WFH) and I won’t anymore.

I totally think a person’s motivation to indulge in makeup and clothes and grooming can be indicative of their mental health, IF their motivation has recently changed from what it normally was.

I LOVE all of these replies! Thank you all so much for sharing your views

I've decided that I'm definitely going to keep up with plucking my brows, and an all over body moisturise every day. Going to get back into regular exercise too. And drinking lots of water as that always clears my skin right up.

The two main things I need help/to make some decisions on is:

1 - Hair. It's quite long at the moment and I'm so tempted to get all cut off! I just struggle with being bothered to wash it, and I pretty much scrape it back into a ponytail every day anyway. Anyone have any easy styling ideas if I decided to go for the chop and get a bob?!

2 - Make up. Now I'm not prepared to spend a lot on it (yet). But I could do with a few things in my make up bag that I could pop on every morning and feel a bit brighter. I have some BB cream but it just doesn't feel like it perks me up enough.. Any suggestions of what else I could use?

Thanks all

I love clothes
And I’m quite vain 😀

Well I don't do much grooming 😂. I will usually, do my eyebrows, clean my pores, bleach things that need bleached, dye my hair, give myself a little manicure and pedicure, maybe once a month. Usually a night/day out will motivate me to do all that, sometimes it's just looking in the mirror and thinking I look a bit shit.
I tried drinking more water which makes me feel better but I just slip back into forgetting to drink it, I can go all day on just a couple of coffees which isn't good.
I try to exercise, but I have quite an active job, so by the time it gets to finishing time and the weekend I'm knackered and can't be bothered, but need to get my arse in gear and start running properly again.
If I'm going somewhere, I will do a full face of make up, through the week I tend to wear none at all.

Changes, check out MUA at Superdrug - it is genuinely brilliant - average price £3 per item and amazing dupes for Urban Decay and Charlotte Tilbury.
Also I've never had a bad product from W7.

Changeat30 I have long hair, just below my bum, I love it, I can do so much with it, most days I keep it in a bun (different style buns) using that bun hair tool. Sometimes I will try out different plaits, I couldn't imagine my hair short.
I agree with a pp, I spend most of my time making effort on myself, not so much on grooming. So eating healthy, exercise, meditation, mindfulness, my 2 litres. This is how I have made an effort with myself.

It's always for yourself. Even when you want to look better for your DH, it's also you who'll benefit from this. As for me, it was my job that motivated me to look better. And I'm not talking about the general appearance demand, but about my own consciousness of commitment of being representative. I know that my appearance effects the relations and respect at work. Among my must dos are not only the obvious things like clean hair, nice make-up and neat manicure, but also well-groomed skin, fitness body and good mood. That's why I go to gym, try to sleep enough, make fifferent skincare procedures and also take supplements (from Canada drugs direct) to enrich my body with vitamins. You shouldnt think only about a superficial mask but about your inner feeling.

If I think I'm going to be judged on my appearance. This means things like doctors appointments.,meeting up with school friends.

I'm super low maintenance so this means things like brushed hair, tidy clothes and recently cleaned teeth. I have depression and I really don't want to look like it's getting worse.

My cycle, I don't give a shit when I'm on my period, around ovulation I have an urge to make an effort and usually generally feel much better about myself.

Blimey, that's primeval!

But maybe it answers the question? Perhaps we're programmed, not by society or men or our bloody mothers but by nature to make ourselves attractive for potential "mates"?

I know I do it for myself because even on the days when I know I will be on my own in the office, I still do it. But I also do it for my husband because I know he appreciates the effort I go to because I care about our relationship. But he also understands that on Sundays I invariably look like a bag lady (unless we're going out).

I enjoy it. I enjoy the process of using make up tricks to make my eyes look bigger. I enjoy having shiny hair. I enjoy wearing nice clothes etc. etc.

Yes @TanMateix

It makes me feel good to look good but it's also a creative outlet.

I like playing with shape and colour in clothing.

My daughters ask why I ALWAYS put makeup on to leave the house and I say, it's like painting, you can make yourself look interesting or any way you want, with enough skill. Also i have shit skin

I agree, Floisme.

I don't know why people bother trying to be goady about S&B threads

I don't think she was being goady. It's okay to ask, surely .... you don't have to love style and beauty to comment on a thread in S&B.

For me it's glorious vanity.

For my ‘mask’.
DH is sick with a disease that will kill him in a few years. I’m totally dressed down at home, not a scrap of make up. But at work I always dress well (smart, plain, comfortable, well cut) and make up fully. I teach and I always make sure I look nice and smell nice so, frankly, I’m pleasant for the kids to approach. It matters.
My colleague smells of fags all the time and it’s horrible.

Like oneofthegrundys
Sorry about that it must be hard I have a severely autistic child but dress with a lot of thought and look extremely good.
It is a mask ..at work I’m very well dressed very

You have a lot on your plate Palaver . I worry a lot about the future (so must you) and being well presented just helps me to take a breath and get a bit more of a handle on things. It certainly helps to develop a ‘virtuous circle’. I feel a little better so I can feel steadier. and to all who use their make up/hair/clothes as part of a coping strategy!! (And to all in fact).

Before the advent of the internet I was always interested in S&B but found many clothes and make up shops too intimidating and too pricey for me, so I opted out to a certain extent. I only ever used Boots No7 (same as dm) or other Boots' brands. I had very few clothes, mostly from the cheaper high street shops.

The internet has been great for getting cheapish or economical ideas and products such as ebay for clothes and Superdrug for make up and skin care. I feel a bit as if I'm playing catch up now with both clothes and make up. I'll never look 'expensive' as defined by the other thread but I do want to look better than my natural self. Other people may disagree.

Very very few adults, whatever their circumstances, make no effort with their appearance, even my low maintenance family always made a daily effort with their looks and more effort at special occasions. I was touched that my dGM wanted something new for my wedding (20 years ago) even though she found shopping difficult and was only going to make a brief appearance.

I see fashion and make up as very much one of my hobbies. I love scrolling through Pinterest for outfit ideas or watching make up tutorials, I find it relaxing and very enjoyable. Plus, there's no doubt it has greatly enhanced my life because I know that I have been offered opportunities and had doors opened that wouldn't have come my way if I didn't look good.