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Original poster

Can I wear this dress to a funeral?

142 replies

suchagoofball · 10/05/2019 11:33

I'm attending a funeral next week and tried on my suit only to find that the skirt no longer fits (I put on some weight over winter - I am working to get rid of it but obviously won't be able to do so in the next few days). I have another skirt that does fit but is a little bit tight so I'd rather not wear it if I don't have to.

I wondered if I can get away with this dress instead? It is a dark dress, albeit with white flowers. I'd be wearing it with black heels and either a cardigan or my suit jacket, depending on the weather.

(It hangs weirdly on the hanger but it looks much better when it's on, I promise! I can try and dig out a pic of me wearing it if that helps)

Can I wear this dress to a funeral?
OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 11/05/2019 22:10

The dress looks fine to me, with dark tights and a jacket it will be quite suitable.

SoupDragon · 11/05/2019 22:58

I don't think I've ever been to a "full black" funeral.

Schnitzelvonkrumb · 11/05/2019 23:06

I think with a black cardigan or jacket that dress would be fine. We have sadly been to a relatives funeral this week. I dont think DH wore anything black. He wore a charcoal grey suit, pale blue shirt and navy tie.

MrsFezziwig · 11/05/2019 23:08

I’ve been to three funerals in the last eight months (one of the perils of being an old person). All were for people even older than me and at none of them were people exclusively dressed in black or even dark colours. And knowing the people who had died, I am confident that none of them would have been the least bit offended by this.

rotrue · 11/05/2019 23:44

The full black dress people - are you British? It seems a very American tradition judging by tv funerals? Or at the very least non British...

Gwenhwyfar · 11/05/2019 23:56

"Most funerals I've been to people are wearing full black, and not just close family."

EVERY funeral I've been to has been full black (except for white shirts for men or some other dark colours eg. dark grey or navy). It's true that all recent ones have been for older people.

WoollyMummoth · 12/05/2019 00:13

I wore a long red gothic skirt and my bikers jacket to my dads funeral when I was 21. It was how he would have wanted me to dress. He would have hated everyone looking somber. My dh’s favourite uncle requested we all wear something yellow to his funeral as it was his favourite colour.

LassOfFyvie · 12/05/2019 00:21

Dress is fine. I've never been to a full black funeral.

LassOfFyvie · 12/05/2019 00:28

The last one I was at was of someone under 60. Even the family weren't in full black. That dress is fine.

Men wore an every day business suit with a black tie

Apart from evening dress I doubt most men have a black suit. Plain black is quite unusual for business wear. My husband has around a dozen work suits but his only black suit is his dinner suit.

ineedaholidaynow · 12/05/2019 00:32

At DF’s funeral a couple of years ago neither me or DM wore black. We wore quite dark colours but not black, and we agreed that DF would have hated us to be in full black, he wanted as little fuss as possible. DF was in 80s so an older person’s funeral.

That dress is fine.

cherrryontop · 12/05/2019 00:33

It's absolutely fine.
These days anything dark, respectable and not revealing will do.

VimFuego101 · 12/05/2019 00:46

It would look absolutely fine with a black suit jacket. Can't imagine why anyone would think otherwise. I can't picture it with a cardigan but I'm sure that would be fine too, especially with tights and heels.

Snog · 12/05/2019 04:20

The funerals I have been to recently HAVE been all black which surprised me.

I think the dress is fine.

Pigsinduvets · 12/05/2019 04:50

Yes that dress is fine. I don’t think people care really what is worn at a funeral. They just appreciate that you’ve attended.
Most I have been to say “Dress cheerfully” or “Wear flowers” etc in the funeral info as a way of honouring the person’s likes or personality. If it doesn’t say anything then I would wear something like your dress.

rededucator · 12/05/2019 05:05

Thick tights x

rededucator · 12/05/2019 05:08

JohnandMary sorry for the loss of your mum xxx

PeachesPlumsPears · 12/05/2019 05:11

Its fine OP.

For my dad's funeral we (especially my mom) were so happy to see so many people take the time to come and remember him. I don't even remember what anyone wore - only remembered that they came to pay their respects.

HeronLanyon · 12/05/2019 05:21

Yes - with jacket not cardigan. Absolutely no problem.
I have never been to an ‘all black’ funeral. Have organised 2 funerals recently and was asked by several whether it was all black and was happy to say no whatever you want to wear is fine it will just be lovely to see you type comment.
One us funeral I had to organise close family attended in floaty dresses and flip flops - it was in the middle of a heatwave. I didn’t turn a hair (but did notice I guess).
Even all black that dress with black jacket would not offend surely ?

mathanxiety · 12/05/2019 06:46

It seems a very American tradition judging by tv funerals? Or at the very least non British...

No, not American, or at least not the way it's done around my neck of the woods.

People have worn a mix of colours but nothing revealing, and dresses or skirts tended to be on the longer side.

I would call it dark formal business-like attire for both men and women. Men with black tie or some dark tie.

Wakes are formal too.

Original poster
suchagoofball · 12/05/2019 10:07

I don’t think anyone will be looking to see what you’re wearing.

Oh, I have no doubt people will have other things on their mind but don't want to draw attention to myself for wearing the wrong thing.

Thanks everyone! A bit of a mixed bag, albeit with the majority saying it will be okay to wear - I've got a few days to decide but might end up just deciding what to wear on the day!

OP posts:
Langrish · 12/05/2019 10:08

No problem at all. You being there is what counts, not what you’re wearing.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/05/2019 10:23

I think that dress is fine especially with a black cardi and tights.

My dad died recently. He was quite traditional so we all wore dark colours but not full black. I wore a black dress with spots on my sister wore a black dress with a grey jacket and mum wore a navy dress. My sons wore grey suits, one of my nieces wore a black and white dress and the other (aged 12) wore a red top and leggings.

I cant remember what anyone else wore. I was just touched they had come to the funeral.

I'm going to a funeral tomorrow where the dress code is "smart but bright colours". That's been very challenging for me as all my smart stuff is black/grey/navy. I ended up having to buy a cardigan to brighten up a more sombre dress.

Original poster
suchagoofball · 12/05/2019 20:45

I'm going to a funeral tomorrow where the dress code is "smart but bright colours". That's been very challenging for me as all my smart stuff is black/grey/navy. I ended up having to buy a cardigan to brighten up a more sombre dress.

I actually prefer it when you get given a dress code or some guidelines as at least you know what kind of thing they're wanting people to wear! I went to a funeral for a friend previously and the family requested people wear purple as it was his favourite colour. Luckily I had a purple top anyway so wore that with my suit.

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 12/05/2019 22:32

No not American in response to a pp. My family are all English. DH family are Irish and they all wear full black too, with the women wearing mantillas in the church.

I personally think it's very disrespectful not to wear full black to a funeral unless the family ask for something different. But I know not everyone is the same. I think my family are probably old fashioned. We all wear hats to weddings as well, which seems unusual now.

SmokeAndBone · 12/05/2019 22:45

I am a celebrant and go to lots of funerals (!) I can honestly say that the 'all black, plain black' dress code is rare these days.
Most mourners wear smart clothes in darker colours - navy, grey, brown etc.
Men usually wear suit and tie, for women there are no rules in that sense - trousers, skirts, dresses with and without jackets are all acceptable.
I don't always wear plain black myself and I'm sure that someone would have had a quiet word with me if that was unacceptable.