Does this dress make me look 'a bit nineteenth century'?

[NewAccount270219]

I need a dress for a wedding next month. I tried this one on (in M&S) and really liked the colour and the flouncy way it twirls when I do (I might be five). Both my DM and DH hated it, which surprised me as they both normally at least claim to like most things I buy - DM said it looked 'weirdly covered up' and unflattering, while DH said it looked 'a bit nineteenth century' and then that there was 'something a bit Pennsylvania Dutch about it' (?!). I thought it was elegant but am now doubting myself! Thoughts, oh wise mumsnetters?

I'm 31, 5'10 and the dress pictured is a 12 (in M&S generous sizing). I'd quite like to look nice for this wedding as it'll be the first time I've seen lots of the people there in years, but I'm still feeling a bit body unconfident after having DS nine months ago (don't think I'll lose any more weight before this wedding, though - seem to have plateaued)

[TatianaLarina]

Xpost with OP.

Oh I like SpeckledyHen’s Boden dress above.

[Stiffasaboard]

Bloody hellOP even in your PJs you look good! Your figure is lovely- long legs, and yes you do have a waist
Please forget what size everyone else is.

So you aren’t a 6.
You also have a beautiful perfect baby and a FT job and no doubt are happier than the best of them.

Please love yourself- your body did an amazing thing.

[Margot33]

I actually really love it! When you've done you're make up, hair and high heels on it will look so much better.

[MintyCedric]

You look fab...even in pyjamas!

Quick trawl of ASOS came up with these which might be worth a look at:

Red Dress


Mint dress

Navy dress

Dark florals

Pink dress

Curve ball?

Polka dot

[Loopytiles]

Also, on your arms, I spent years when younger and slimmer not showing my arms, including on my wedding day.

I regret this. In old photos my arms look bloomin’ good!

My arms are somewhat heavier now, and i also have some cellulite type skin/fat on them, but IMO a dress or top with short sleeves can still look fine as my arms are shapely, and part of my shape, and because so few nice long sleeved dresses are available on the high street.

I know women with bloody fantastic arms or legs who don’t wear short sleeves or skirts because they dislike their legs.

I have a DD who has inherited my physique, so want to demonstrate body confidence. Have found that seeking to do this - even when faking it - has helped me too.

[Belenus]

The original orange dress is too long and I don't think the material does you any favours. I'd look for something with more structure and a slightly stiffer fabric.

You do have a great figure though!

[lightsoul]

www.lyst.co.uk/search/?final_price_from=0&final_price_to=100&meta_gender=&q=dresses&term=dresses

Take a look on here there are a number of sleeved dresses

[underneaththeash]

John Lewis website you can select sleeve length...

www.johnlewis.com/browse/women/womens-dresses/%C2%BE-sleeve/_/N-flwZ1z0rout

Hope you find something nice!

[BikeRunSki]

blue with sleeves

[[https://www.phase-eight.com/fcp/product/phase-eight/all-dresses/theola-dress/205358953 flattering red, but it is a wrap]{

[Dafspunk]

Tip for photos - hold your arm slightly away from your body (holding a glass is a good way to do this). Having your upper arm flat against your body smooshes it all so that it looks twice the size.

If you can be bothered and care, obviously. Not saying you need to or should feel you have to.

[TSSDNCOP]

I know it’s more than you said, but you’ve got to love a bit of Ted

[Fairylea]

Op you have a great figure, there is no way anyone would look at you and think anything otherwise. You need to give your head a shake about this whole “being the fattest one” at the wedding. I don’t see how that can be true but even if it is it doesn’t mean everyone slimmer than you will look better or be more confident. I’ve been a size 8-10 and felt worse in myself than I do currently a size 16. Being slim doesn’t equate to being prettier or somehow “better”.

Personally I like the first dress. Sure it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but what ever is? It fits nicely, it’s a great bright summery colour and it looks fashionable. With the right shoes and accessories it will look amazing.

[Figgygal]

Dear lord woman you've a lovely figure why the negativity

Can't believe it's not been mentioned but you can see your isn't right through that dress. I couldn't see past that

[bridgetreilly]

Sleeveless dress with cute cardigan or jacket is much the easiest solution.

[NewAccount270219]

Thanks for the nice comments but I now feel a bit bad that people are trying to make me feel better - I didn't post this to be like COMPLIMENT MEEEEEEE! I am very happy with my life and choices and frankly if I really cared about my figure I could put a lot more effort in, but I can't be bothered and biscuits are nice. So don't worry, I'm not in a spiral of self loathing, I'm just struggling to find a nice but non-amish dress!

[SoHotADragonRetired]

I genuinely think that if you go a size down in the original dress, hitch up the sleeves to your elbow and pair it with a bright clashing necklace or navy and gold shoes, you will look awesome and much more modern than the typical knee length floral print.

[SoHotADragonRetired]

I mean AND navy OR gold shoes. The high necked midi thing is very now.

[Backseatonthebus]

Not in red, but this Boden one is nice m.boden.co.uk/en-gb/womens-dresses/special-occasion-dresses/j0331-nvy/womens-navy-carnation-bud-maisie-jersey-midi-dress

[Jaspermcsween]

I love it !
Once accessorised it will look amazing.

[FreiasBathtub]

You are gorgeous! I'm in a similar position friends-wise, but I don't care because I have the most interesting clothes out of any of them (in my opinion anyway!!)

I have also poked around the John Lewis website and I think you'd look lovely in any of these:

www.johnlewis.com/phase-eight-theola-jersey-wrap-dress-crimson/p3983296 red wrap, similar to your original (I bet the skirt twirls) but a more flattering shape

www.johnlewis.com/somerset-by-alice-temperley-tie-waist-midi-dress-black-base/p3899380 poss a bit casual

www.johnlewis.com/ghost-georgia-pinstripe-satin-dress-green/p3873177 this one I suspect will either be stunning or sack of potatoes, but worth a punt (I wish I was as tall as you, on my 5'3 frame it would definitely be potatoville)

www.johnlewis.com/jolie-moi-3-4-sleeve-wrap-front-dress/plum/p3783292 not twirly but POCKETS!! JL has lots from the Jolie Moi brand that could be what you are after, worth a browse.

Let us know how you get on!

[woodcutbirds]

I don't like it. I think it's exactly what M&S fail to get right. I alwasys think their boho floaty dresses veer towards Hacidic/Amish.
The neckline and length aren't interesting. You have a gorgeous figure. A lot of dresses will look better than this one.

[Belenus]

You also have a beautiful perfect baby and a FT job and no doubt are happier than the best of them.

I hope they're also happy, whether they're a size 6 or a size 16.

[NewAccount270219]

Thanks so much for the suggestions - I was granted a lie-in until 9 and so am now going to go play with a small person and stop replying in real time but I'll come back to the thread later and have a browse. I really appreciate all the help finding alternatives!

[HundredMilesAnHour]

The PJ photos shows that you have a good (and slim!) figure and demonstrates just how much wider the red dress made you look. The red dress won't flatter many people. Whilst the Amish/Victorian look has been on trend for a while, even most models don't look great in it. It's one of those trends that is totally unflattering and the wearers look like they're trying way too hard and have sacrificed looking good for being fashionable.

From your PJ photo, I find it hard to believe you have big arms OP. I think you have just lost body confidence. Hardly surprising if you're surrounded by size 6-8 women who exercise a lot. But it's all mental. One day you will look back at photos when you were trying to hide yourself and realise how good you looked.

I spent all my youth hating how I looked and feeling self-confidence. Now I look back and realise that I looked bloody amazing! I don't know why we women do this to ourselves but we do. I am trying to learn from this and now I'm older, rather than avoiding the camera and hiding, I am trying to be less of a wuss. Last weekend I actually asked someone to take a photo of me (I was doing something 'special'). First time in years!! Of course I hated the photos they took and thought I looked awful. But I forced myself to brazen it out and shared a photo with a few people and everyone told me I looked amazing.

I like the Silk Fred dress. I think that will be much more flattering on you. As others have suggested, look for kimono sleeves if you really want to hide your arms away. Quite a few kimono dresses on Asos.