I feel like an ogre...

[TheBlackDaliah]

I shower and shave legs and underarms daily, wax undercarriage as and when it needs it. I wash my hair daily and wear makeup. I look after my nails.
I wear okay clothes (inexpensive but they suit me) so why do I still look crap?
My skin is horrible even though I cleanse, scrub etc to within an inch of it's life! I've lost lots of weight but I am not toned and genuinely zero time for excercise. Two children means my stomach is just horrific.
I am pale skinned so every mark on my body shows (I scratched my leg last August and the red line is still there!)
I look at other women who seemingly put less 'effort' into looking good than I do and they look bloody amazing.
What am I doing wrong?

I am sure you don't look like an ogre but I do sympathise

Can you break it down into chunks - prioritise what is the biggest issue?

So it sounds from your OP that your skin is your major problem causing you to feel bad. What's wrong with it? Can you post a photo? I am no expert but there are plenty of experts on here who will be able to advise you what kind of product you should/shouldn't be using.

When you feel on top of that, think about fake tan for the pale skin over the summer? I use the Dove moisturiser with tanner. I am dyspraxic so I literally just splodge it on and it still looks great.

Then maybe something like yoga or pilates or gym work for the flabby bits and stomach? Again, other posters will be able to give you better advice than me but I didn't want to leave such a post with no responses

Perhaps it is all in your head....

You aren't doing anything wrong.

Perhaps the answer is to change your pattern of thought about yourself.

We can recommend self tanners or retinoids and maybe they are something you want to try. But they won't be a magic fix either.

Maybe start with being a bit kinder to yourself.
What is good about you? What have you done that makes you proud?

Sorry, should have said I do use fake tan in the summer just not over winter!
My skin is spotty and full of tiny black heads, once the spot has healed I am left with a red mark for months so my skin looks uneven and 'dirty' even though I spend ages getting it clean!
I know what you mean about it being in my head etc but I just want what others seem to have effortlessly!

Everytime l shower l put a little tan in my body lotion and it gives me a little glow.
I'm sure you look far better than you think.
Maybe you are doing too much with your skin. All my life l just use moisturiser every morning and night and never had a spot and skin looks well at nearly 60. Ease up a bit.

You might be washing your skin too much. Within an inch of its life sounds like it could be causing break outs.

It’s an expense, but could you save for a dermatologist? My first thought was perhaps you’re doing a bit too much to it. A derm would know.

I am also sure you don’t look as bad as you think. People don’t walk around thinking ‘Christ that woman looks horrendous’. They just don’t.

Perhaps shower daily but only shave every few days? It could be drying your skin out. If your dc are little pregnancy/feeding may have left you low in iron or other vitamins- take a supplement and eat a few steaks? Also avocado and salmon (eating!) are meant to be good for skin. Fresh air also v good for you! And then try and be happy- happy people do just look better!

Thanks for your advice every one, I typed a mahoosive post on my phone and lost it 😮
Basically I can't shake the feeling that in my natural state I am ugly.
I feel passable with makeup etc but get so low seeing myself first thing in the morning for example!
Can't blame breast feeding etc, my children are older.

I think you are shaving legs too often. Surely it's not necessary daily. So if you must have a shower, cut down the shaving to I'd think no more than twice a week, preferably once if you can. In winter that's doable. Maybe give face a rest from make up sometimes, or get the right cleansing system going. Good luck!

@EngagedAgain, the joys of pale skin and very dark hair I'm afraid! No way could I get away with once or twice a week 😞
The stupid thing is I know this is just me and it's unlikely I can do much about it..... I kind of wish I was one of the lucky ones that won the genetic lottery and turned out stunning 😏

I'm sure you would get a shock if you saw all those bloody amazing women first thing on a morning! I'm sure they'll get up extra early to look so effortless!
I sometimes feel the same way about myself but remind myself of the above often.
Pale skin+ dark hair- I'd love that combo.

Fake tan makes a HUGE difference I think. St tropez looks so natural that it removes the dead look and gives a very natural glow

Okay everyone, the message I am taking from this is to continue with the fake tan regime even through the winter (even though it's a pain in the arse 🤣) deep down I know you're right, most of the women I see that look good have a tan!

Oh and BlueMerchant trust me it's shite!

I feel passable with makeup etc but get so low seeing myself first thing in the morning for example!

Supermodel Cindy Crawford spoke about the at least two hours she spent in hair and makeup before facing the cameras, and ended with the quote "Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford".

Google 'images of celebs without makeup'. It's an eye opener.

OP, I sympathise, I'm also very pale and any blemish tends to show for quite a while on my skin.

The one thing that makes the biggest difference to my skin is a healthy diet (sadly, I often lack the discipline). Low carb / keto combined with periods of fasting or intermittent fasting does wonders for my skin: no more blemishes and a much healthier looking, less pale and glowing complexion.

You said you have a scratch on your leg from last August that is still visible. I don't want to alarm you and there are probably lots of other innocent explanations for why it has taken so long to heal, but slow wound healing can for example be connected to insulin resistance or diabetes, so this is something I would keep an eye on / ask you GP about.

As previous poster have said, your skin care routine may be too harsh, especially if you have sensitive skin. Also, try a zinc supplement to help with the blemishes.

have you seen a doctor about your spots? it could be easily sorted with creams or tablets.

Eyelash extensions. Game changer.

Be kind to yourself, do the things that you enjoy about looking after your appearance. Not what you think you should do.
And stop comparing yourself to other people.

I think Trinny Woodall looks fab at the mo but she has veneers, Botox, lip fillers, cheek fillers, vampire facials, lasers, eyelash extensions, hairdresser every week, takes 12 lots of supplements a day, has a personal trainer 3 times a week, a make up artist, a skin care regime of epic proportions and that's just the stuff she admits to! It's High Maintenance with knobs on. Otoh, I have an extremely beautiful friend who won the genetic lottery. Naturally tanned skin, big white straight teeth, glossy straight hair, flawless skin, beautiful features.....she couldn't look rough if she tried! Age levels the playing field though op eventually!!

I’m also pale with dark hair and the skin on my legs and underarms was suffering from shaving. Little ingrown hairs and just a bit red and blotchy. I started epilating and although it’s painful to start and takes a bit of time, after a while the hair really stopped growing and now just needs a bit of an epilate every few days. Saves me time in the shower but also my skin looks a lot better, and it feels much nicer and smoother.

I hear you. I feel awful. On the photos from hen weekend I’ve just been on, I look the worst even though I really tried to look ok!
I’m starting to fake tan again and lip gloss asa starter!

Thanks everyone, I know I shouldn't care but it's hard to shut out the little voice that says 'if only' 🙄

With pale skin and dark hair, just laser hairs off! It's permanent and I've done it to bikini, underarms and legs and it's heaven. No more anything again, always ready.

For your skin definitely see a dermatologist. You can't sort it out by deciding on products out of adverts. You need to cleanse properly with a face wash. The derm will guide you. Generally less is more. In my case, with minor, barely-visible acne, derm told me to wash day and night, with foaming cleanser and then gave me a gel ointment. Plus sun cream for acneic skin. I was allowed nothing else on my skin, no make up, no moisturizer, nothing. Sure enough, in a few weeks skin amazingly clear, not a single bump or flaw.

Get a good haircut, something maybe outside your comfort zone. Something that will give you extra style points. And get a good perfume to wear everyday, don't keep it for best.

TheBlackDelilah we have to face ourselves in the mirror every day, and we should Care about ourselves. Sometimes even if it feels pointless.

Small changes help. I moved my creams into the bathroom so my face became part of my showering routine. I have a friend who keeps her make up in the kitchen.

I get my roots done every 8 weeks because of grey and have eyelash extensions (infills every 5 weeks or so). That’s pretty much it for grooming. It means I can bear to see myself. Not much more, but it’s enough.