I feel like an ogre...

[TheBlackDaliah]

I shower and shave legs and underarms daily, wax undercarriage as and when it needs it. I wash my hair daily and wear makeup. I look after my nails.
I wear okay clothes (inexpensive but they suit me) so why do I still look crap?
My skin is horrible even though I cleanse, scrub etc to within an inch of it's life! I've lost lots of weight but I am not toned and genuinely zero time for excercise. Two children means my stomach is just horrific.
I am pale skinned so every mark on my body shows (I scratched my leg last August and the red line is still there!)
I look at other women who seemingly put less 'effort' into looking good than I do and they look bloody amazing.
What am I doing wrong?

Yeah I know you're getting conflicting viewpoints on here and none of us really know your skin and you have to try and work out what's right for you. It's hard. But I'm just going to say - and then I promise I won't say it again - that it doesn't sound to me like you've been treating it delicately.

Can I just add OP it I agree with Ruby789 and others it's fine to be pale. I may be biased as it's my natural skin colour and I like the contrast with my dark hair. I dread to think of you going all orange because of this thread.

Agree about over scrubbing/washing skin causing breakouts and dryness.

Honestly just working out to some extent, unless you already do of course! raising endorphins, feeling better about yourself all over would be my advice. Getting fitter is so beneficial for both physical and mental health. Worth a try?

Good fake tan doesn’t make you orange! It just warms up your skin tone slightly. I use it on my face and it means I don’t need to wear foundation and it significantly removes my baggy blue eye under eye circles!

At lot of people you’ll see with a “healthy glow” will actually be wearing fake tan

I think if you're pale rosy cheeks look gorgeous but all over tan not so much. I did live in Essex for a while in my twenties though Shirley, could explain my fear .

I don't wear foundation either,pale as I am.

Yes when trying new products you introduce one at a time. The products I suggested are mild, no harsh exfoliation at all. Of course any product may cause reaction to someone in particular. You can't know unless you try. And I suggested them as the only things to go on the face, apart from SPF. The serum could also be omitted, the face wash is necessary. Even if the skin feels a little tight after washing, it quickly regulates itself if left alone a little while. Bare minimum approach is what I suggest, as per my dermatologists advice that worked wonders on me. If one cannot get professional advice, and we don't know their skin, we can only suggest so much, all with a desire to help.

PinkLipsDontLie so if I use the face wash am I not supposed to moisturise? Or wear makeup etc?

Golly, I feel the same! The maintenance as not to scare little children is huge!!!

Brows make a huge difference. I love getting mine done. If using home dye, not too harsh, keep it natural looking... skin, I’m in same boat, it’s shit. Just did a year on accurate and its not worked. Not horrendous, but certainly visibl and annoying. I’m addicted to foundations, and use every day. Get a colour match and get it right
I buy one gorgeous thing a month. Instead of 3 average pieces. Wear everything you feel great in, get rid of the rest
Best of luck, you’re not the only one :)

nzeire you hit the nail on the head, I'm already doing alot of the thing suggested (no disrespect to anyone who has posted!) It's just that I seem to be putting a huge effort in just so I don't scare unsuspecting infants.... I could cope with all of the preening if I could see discernable results 😁

@TheBlackDaliah yes im afraid you're supposed to stay away from any makeup or moisturizer, I guess you can do eye makeup but nothing on your skin, for a month. I only used face wash morning and night and an SPF by Uriage for acneic skin.

Once you clear up you can start introducing products one by one to see if they cause breakouts, spots, bumps, whatever.

Oh also, regular washing of pillowcases and face towels. Especially pillowcases. Just an idea, we overlook it sometimes but spend the night with them against our faces. Breeding ground.

OP don't be down on yourself - I can guarantee you as a prior poster said that people aren't judging you as harshly as you are yourself and you probably have loads of attractive features that you're overlooking to focus on what you see as negative.
I'm pale and have troublesome skin so I do feel your pain - I would recommended seeing your gp as they can prescribe much of what a dermatologist can anyway. A course of low dose antibiotics has made a massive difference to my skin after a difficult flare up post pregnancy. In my experience no product or cleansing regime in the world will fix the effects of an underlying skin condition like acne, rosacea etc so don't waste your money. Every professional I've ever seen re skin has recommended me to pare it right back to a basic cream cleanser and emollient cream. Hope

Thank you all so much! I have a lot to think about....

Maybe you don't want any more suggestions but I wanted to give you a cheap and cheerful option

I use neutrogena visibly clear face wash (the orange pump one) and oil free moisturiser

Works really well together, I don't use a toner or anything

Also get your lashes and brows dyed if they are pale then you look good even before make up

OP - can you go for a facial and ask their opinion? I know they might just try to sell you stuff, but it would be worth trying.

When my skin feels awful, I use lush ultra bland to take off my make up at night, which calms it down. I use a face mask once a week. I use the m&s 8 hours sleep moisturiser.

I use a body scrub once a week but no more. I don't shave my legs, I have them waxed so I'm not stripping the skin all the time.

Have you tried a soap-free wash? That might help. Drink lots of water? Lots of fruit and veg?

snoozetastic my eyebrows and eyelashes are already dark but I still defo need make up 😁
I down gallons of water and eat loads of fruit and veg so I don't think it's that!

Op,
You are doing too much to your skin
I know people who spend a fortune on facial products and have the worst skin
You need to simplify your routine.
Give the face scrubs a rest for a while . Try moisturising your skin with a simple moisturiser such as Astral. Give it two weeks and see if there is an improvement

Be kind to yourself, do the things that you enjoy about looking after your appearance. Not what you think you should do.

This, and another vote for embracing the pale and interesting route. I'd cut right back on all the beauty stuff (another one here who does soap and cheap moisturiser and nothing else here) and concentrate on making sure you are eating lots of fruit and veg.

But most importantly you sound quite down about your appearance. Rather than all this shaving and scrubbing and doing your nails etc devote that time to doing some exercise. It will help with mild depression and make you like your body more. Get out for a walk at lunchtime or do yogawithadriene on youtube or have a swim with the kids (depending on their age) or have one class a week you go to that is your time. Be kind to yourself.

CountFosco I am down! I think I am down because of the issues with my skin though rather than anything else.... The ridiculous thing is that if you met me in real life you would assume nothing was bothering me!
I am one of those irritating talk to anyone sorts with loads of (fake) confidence 😂

My skin was shit until I simply stopped using all my beauty products.

Now I wash with plain bar soap last thing before I go to bed and put on a moisturiser, just on the dry area of my face around my mouth and cheeks. I need to wash because I live in London and I would never go to bed with my skin covered in grime and pollutants. Soap removes my makeup just fine if I have been wearing any, although I sometimes use a bit of eye makeup remover before the soap.

Once every couple of weeks I use a warm wet flannel to exfoliate my skin sometimes with a cloth oil, but mostly not.

That is it. I am in my 50s and my skin is far, far better than it has been at any point in my life. Smooth, soft and unblemished. I started doing this because I noticed that my skin just was getting thinner and more patchy/damaged, and that the ONLY possible reason was my skincare. I spent a LOT of money on skincare and it was such a shock to discover when I stopped using all of it that I actually had normal skin rather than all the beautician diagnosed 'problems'.

I actually had intended to stop using anything just for a week or so to let my skin reset, and then I was going to reintroduce products one at a time so that I could find out what was good and what wasn't. However my skin improved so much that I have never felt the need to add anything else!

I had bad rosacea and really regret spending so long faffing with products. When I eventually went to the GP expecting them to sneer that it wasn't life or death, I was actually immediately referred to a NHS dermatologist who gave me a brief course of steroids (controversial but super effective for me) and then a longer course of antibiotics

People have actually complimented me on my skin and I still think they are taking the piss

So step one, before spending loads of money on stuff, is at least try the GP.

And really do think about working on what's in your head as well. Cheesy as hell but thinking a little bit each day about something good about yourself and so on might really help

Be kind to yourself, do the things that you enjoy about looking after your appearance. Not what you think you should do.
Yes this. I promised I wouldn't say another word about products and I won't. But I will say that style and beauty are supposed to be fun. Assuming you're not neglecting yourself then, as far as I'm concerned, the only reason for grooming or fashion is if you enjoy the activity. Rest assured that small children will be fine.

Thanks so much everyone, I honestly didn't expect any replies!
I will definitely cut down on the 'stuff' I am using and try to let my skin do it's own thing a bit more.

I meant to reply last night, I wanted to reassure you that you're not the only one to feel like this! My skin marks easily too (as does my DDs we've realised). I agree with those saying go easy on your skin, I find with delicate skin 'less is more' is the best approach. I still fall into the trap of chucking loads of products at my skin when it's having a spotty/congested flare up, even though as a rule the less I use, the better it behaves. I'm a picker which doesn't help so I'm my own worst enemy

Try and be a bit kinder to yourself

Thanks frugalkitty, I am sorry you have the same trouble as me!
I know there are people with far more to worry about so I will try and focus on the positive things about me 😊