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Original poster

Help me help my DD (tactfully)- any 30-ish olds out there?

79 replies

LucindaPeel72 · 30/12/2018 11:09

DD is 31. She's very pretty (everyone says so) gorgeous figure, fit, interesting, intelligent (not that I am biased) looks early 20s, and she's looking for a boyfriend, having broken up with a couple of long term ones and been through a bit of heart ache. I know she is aware of her bio clock.

She loves clothes but they never - in my opinion- do her justice. She tends to go for high necked tops, often voluminous in ditsy prints and except for summer dresses, never shows an inch of flesh.

The men she has met before have been friends of friends, so she's never 'put herself out there' looking to date. But that source seems to have dried up.
But if she does is there any way I can gently suggest she tries to look a bit less 'prim' if she hits the dating scene? I don't mean fishnets and a tiny skirt obviously, but something that is a bit more flattering? Or should I just keep quiet?

OP posts:
LovingLola · 30/12/2018 11:10

Keep quiet.

Milly90 · 30/12/2018 11:11

If this is for real...DONT SAY ANYTHING

None of your business

And she doesn't need to shown some flesh to get a man...yuck

Woohoo1 · 30/12/2018 11:12

Any man who only interested in her clothes/the way she looks should avoided. Why should she change her style to find a bloke?

BadgerSandwich · 30/12/2018 11:13

Despite our differences and occasional spats, posts like this make me really value my relationship with my mum.

Seriously, if she's happy, let her crack on.

SprinkleOfInsanity · 30/12/2018 11:14

Keep quiet, she doesn't and shouldn't have to change for anyone. She's obviously happy and comfortable as she is - the most attractive trait, not 'flashing the flesh' in the hope of attracting a mate. Geez.

Original poster
LucindaPeel72 · 30/12/2018 11:15

She isn't happy though because she would like to settle down and have kids. ALL I am saying is that her clothes tend to look unflattering sometimes . No need for all the nasty comments, honestly! I love her to bits but want her to be happy.

OP posts:
CountessVonBoobs · 30/12/2018 11:16

I can't think of anything on earth more cringeworthy than a 50- or 60something mum telling her 30-year-old daughter that she doesn't dress fashionable or sexy enough.

Leave her alone.

Surfskatefamily · 30/12/2018 11:16

I know you think its helpful, but if she needs to change to attract a man then the relationship isnt going to end up right for her.
Id boost her confidence in other ways and maybe suggest going out somewhere or doing something with here where she migjt meet a nice guy

hmmwhatatodo · 30/12/2018 11:16
Hmm
Original poster
LucindaPeel72 · 30/12/2018 11:17

There is no debate over the fact that if anyone does online dating, first impressions count.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 30/12/2018 11:18

Does she have a friend whose style she admires? What about celebrities? Could she have a splurge at a department store and ask a personal shopper for help?

BikeRunSki · 30/12/2018 11:19

Could you “treat” her to a session with a personal shopper and buy her one or 2 things?

SprinkleOfInsanity · 30/12/2018 11:20

First impressions do count, but only for so long - you need more than a bit of cleavage on show to retain a decent relationship (and I don't mean legs on show too - I meant the attributes that you've described regarding your daughters persona). Would you be happy if she came home with a gorgeous looking man that ended up being an absolute shit? Leave her be.

Original poster
LucindaPeel72 · 30/12/2018 11:21

Thanks HollowTalk. Well, the issue is that all her friends are married or about to be, or have kids so run around in jeans and jumpers, naturally. I don't think she has anyone who fits the bill.

I understand 100% that clothes aren't that important and a man will look beyond that. FGS credit me with some intelligence!
. All I am saying is that if she does OLD, she will need a really nice pic of herself and I did say I didn't mean fishnets and a mini skirt. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
LucindaPeel72 · 30/12/2018 11:22

Ok. Thanks for the comments. I will leave this now.

Got the message.

OP posts:
KavvLar · 30/12/2018 11:24

Do you have the instinct that she is unhappy with the image she's projecting? If so there are all sorts of routes you could pursue.

If you have the sort of relationship where you enjoy this type of thing, you could both go for one of those days where you go and get your colours and style done. I had a friend of a friend organize a night with a Colour me beautiful consultant, went along for the social aspect but ended up booking a full session for myself and a friend as did a lot of the others (ages 30-38 in the main)

It can be considered a bit 'dated' as a concept imho but the advice is sound and it might reveal colours and combinations she hadn't considered. Our lady did make up, colours and also went over style stuff like I have a square face so wear round frames on glasses, round necks etc, big boobs so don't wear tops that drop from the neck to the waist without definition, avoid polo necks etc.

We also chatted about what I liked to wear and pictures I felt an affinity with, and that really helped, I identified strongly with the 'romantic' look and it helped me recognize prints and fabrics to go with what I already had.

Personal shoppers would then help as you could give a better brief. Also plenty of style bloggers to check out and create a pinterest board of looks she likes. All kinds of options available.

I guess the bottom line is does she need / want some help and clarity or not? If she doesn't, then as pp have said keep quiet and be supportive. It may just be your opinion and style is incredibly subjective.

TheLuckyMrsPine · 30/12/2018 11:29

I think the most important question is, is she unhappy with her clothes? If so could you offer to treat her to a personal stylist session?

If she seems happy and confident then stay quiet as it will only knock her self esteem.

Also, and I hope this does not sound rude, but what 30 somethings deem fashionable may not be the same as what their mums see as fashionable! Shapeless baggy clothes are actually quite “in” ..... see Hush’s success in this market!

AnotherEmma · 30/12/2018 11:29

A bra that fits properly is the starting point for any woman.
If it comes up in conversation I would mention Boob or Bust (online) or Bravissimo.
I have large breasts and a good bra makes a big difference.
High neck tops are very unflattering, but I don't wear low tops either as they show too much cleavage, so I look for the middle ground.
However, you shouldn't be advising her on what to wear (unless she asks) just take her lead and give the reassurance and encouragement.

Camomila · 30/12/2018 11:31

I think your DD dresses like a lot of other women her age. I'm 31 too and love a high neck jumper and ditsy florals. Its cold so why would I want to show any flesh. Skimpy summer dresses are for summer!

Plus surely you want her to be with someone who is attracted by her being her natural self? Im married but when I live vicariously through DHs best mates dating adventures I don't think clothes have ever been mentioned. In all his happy couple selfies (new gf) she's wearing a massive coat outdoors or comfy clothes indoors.

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 30/12/2018 11:33

You sound like Bridget’s mum in the Bridget Jones’s series, is that what you’re going for in this post?

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/12/2018 11:43

My husband had an affair and left, because amongst my many other failings (!) he 'didnt like my clothes' (he liked them fine for 24 years) - fine, fuck off then!

Petalflowers · 30/12/2018 11:46

Can you go,shopping to a large department store, and get a personal shopper. Some places have them for free. Maybe for her birthday, go on a ladies shopping day, with lunch etc.

Jazzhan · 30/12/2018 11:47

She'll find someone OLD who likes her for her quirkiness. My sister has the most godawful taste in clothes, but she just is who she is. Most of the time she looks like a garden gnome. But she has a boyfriend and I'm single, so hey ho, there's someone for everyone.
And I really do mean a garden gnome. Bobbly hats, wooly jumpers, doc martens and bright coloured trousers. It offends my taste, but she wouldn't be seen dead in what I wear.

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 30/12/2018 11:47

I can't decide whether she sounds hopelessly frumpy and clueless or whether she's actually quite arty/trendy and is going for that That Little House On The Prairie sort of look which is very fashionable at the moment. I think perhaps you are just of a different generation and don't understand her fashion sense. It would be best if you left her to it. If her face and figure are as great as you say then she really doesn't need to dress to either enhance or hide anything - good looking people with great bodies can look great in anything.

Petalflowers · 30/12/2018 11:48

What shape is she? For pear shaped figures, high neck tops are fine. If she is bustier then v-neck is better.

Nothing wrong with not showing flesh.

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