Dress for my baby's funeral - please help.

[undertheoldoaktree]

My baby's funeral is on Thursday, and amongst all the planning I've realised I don't have a thing to wear.

If I'm going to order online, it needs to be today or tomorrow I'd guess?
Otherwise it's a trip to dreaded Meadowhall and I never end up finding anything when I go shopping.

So as not to drip feed:

I don't own a single black item in my wardrobe except a pair of leggings with a large hole in. I don't own an alternative (ie, not black) smart dress - I usually live in wellies, hoodies and dirty jodhpurs so there's no fruitful wardrobe searching to be done. Even if there was, none of my clothes fit!

I gained a lot of weight when pregnant and my bump hasn't completely gone, so would need a size 14-16 (probably 16 to be on the safe side, I'm capable of taking most things in).

I'm imagining some sort of fit-and-flare, preferably long sleeved. I've no experience of dressing for my new/temporary shape so could be wrong there. Definitely around knee length or longer. I'm having to wear doubled up sports bras as my tits are aching like mad, so no fancy backs or necklines. Modest as possible basically.

Black, but coloured accents/embroidery fine - possibly preferable but I know I'm already asking a lot! The florist has made a flower crown for me to wear and then leave at the end as a wreath, so it should already be "cheered up" a bit.

Also, I'm skint. Like really, really skint, having bought a whole nursery full of baby paraphernalia. So as cheap as possible really - I don't think I will be this shape for much longer, and emotionally it's not something I'm ever going to want to wear again.

It sounds so stupid to be so stressed about something so vain sounding at this point - I guess I just left it way too late. I've never any reason to look smart usually, and I just really want to give my child that respect of being well turned out.

Help, please? There must be something that exists somewhere - mustn't there? I've done a short rudimentary search of ASOS, but can't really manage to look for long because I keep getting upset.

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Given what you say re cost and understandably not wanting to wear it again, could I suggest amazon? If you search for jersey dress or jersey wrap dress loads come up in black and other colours. They are about 12 quid, will be here in a couple of days and you don't have to go anywhere stressful.

Once again I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

www.boohoo.com/-ribbed-high-neck-long-sleeved-midi-dress/DZZ67773.html?color=431

How about this? Sorry I’m not very good at this but I didn’t want to leave your post unanswered. Im so sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry for you loss. I can't imagine what you're going through.

What about this?

https://www.marksandspencer.com/long-sleeve-skater-dress/p/p60184786?image=SD011T4291988Y0XXEC90&color=BLACK&prevPage=plp

Bit pricey but had a quick scan elsewhere and can't find anything similar cheaper

Oh and the dresses are ok quality for the price (I wear them to my senior manager fancy office job) so should be smart enough - may need an iron

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sue-Joe-Womens-Sleeve-Cocktail/dp/B013GAEZCY/ref=mpssa1120?ie=UTF8&qid=1535276927&sr=8-20&pi=SL180SX1388_CR0,0,138,180&keywords=black+jersey+dress

m.asos.com/new-look/new-look-pleated-embroidery-ruffle-dress/prd/9224686?clr=black&SearchQuery=&cid=8799&gridcolumn=2&gridrow=16&gridsize=2&pge=5&pgesize=72&totalstyles=324

I’m so very sorry. It does feel strange finding yourself thinking about superficial things when something so enormously devastating has happened, but I think it’s often easier to fret and focus on the smaller things to protect ourselves. I hope the service for your little one is full of the love you both deserve.

So sorry for your loss.

I am so very sorry

ASOS Peplum Dress

I’m very sorry for what you’re going through.

I am so sorry for your loss.

There are some good dress suggestions up thread. How about pairing it with a lovely large scarf that you can drape around your shoulders.

Hugs to you.

So sorry for your loss. If you are shopping at Meadowhall, then you must live close to me. I have loads of black dresses in a 16 which which you are more than welcome to borrow if you don't want to buy anything new. Please PM me if you'd like to.

I'm so sorry. Other posters have suggested dress ideas, but I just wanted to say that it doesn't matter what you wear, so please don't worry too much, you have enough to deal with.

Fwiw we both wore jeans to our babies' funeral (although it was just us and the vicar, funeral director etc)

www.qvcuk.com/Flutter-Sleeve-Swing-Trapeze-Dress-with-Side-Pockets-by-Nina-Leonard.product.171900.html?sc=SRCH

I am very sorry for the loss of your baby.

I think this from Dorothy Perkins would be comfortable and flattering and it is cheap. Even if you´re not tall (it´s from the tall colllection) sometimes ´tall´ cuts are more flattering on the waist.

As an added note - I'm 25 and look about 14 so anything too "sophisticated" makes it look like I'm a child trying on my mother's clothes. Like the kids in suits on junior apprentice used to look.

@phylliswig Amazon - no way! I never knew they did clothes. Those are just the sort of simple dresses I've been moaning I can't find in shops anymore.

@avocuddl that Marks and Spencer dress is pretty much what I've been picturing - do they deliver fast? £35 is around what I'm willing to spend. Probably around £40 max, but anything cheaper that's suitable is a bonus.

@thirdtimelucky123 thank you, it's not really "me" though, but there's some other stuff on there I quite like. Is boohoo's quality good, for future reference? Don't do much of the old clothes shopping you see!

I'm afraid I can't help with a dress, but I just wanted to say that I've been where you are and I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this too.

www.peacocks.co.uk/lds-drs-zip-tunic-plain-a3e650.html
This is more casual. You can even wear it with your holy leggins. Im so sorry op

So sorry for your loss.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/XubiDubi-Ladies-Sleeve-Jersey-Flared/dp/B01N2IWDD4/ref=mpssa1124?ie=UTF8&qid=1535277500&sr=8-24&pi=ACSX2366SY340QL65&keywords=black%2Bjersey%2Bdress&dpPl=1&dpID=31rkNFE5ULL&ref=plSrch&th=1&psc=1

This is simple and decent quality. I am sure your floral garland will be a beautiful tribute x

You can click and collect next day, £3.99 for next day delivery and standard delivery is 3-5 days ❤️

Please take up the kind offer from the mumsnetter above about borrowing one of her dresses.

Be kind to yourself. It didn't really matter what you wear. Perhaps ask people to wear bright cheerful colours as it's a child? I think that's quite a common thing to do. Would you have something suitable then?

@hanarcantwearsneakers that new look one is beautiful, the embroidery is very similar to that on the shroud I have made.

@margaritasbythesea I really like that, and we actually have a Dorothy Perkins nearby in a small town so I could try on without it being such a daunting trip, thank you.

I’d go for trapeze shapely a jersey fabric as it will skim over your bumpy bits.

And it doesn’t need to be black, unless that’s what you want. Other dark colours like navy and charcoal are also traditional at funerals.

Maternity style is fine and there are lots of maternity dresses in office style and colours that would be perfect for this occasional - no low necks and usually knee length .

Don’t forget you will need smart shoes too - you can get cheap black pumps is lots of shops - they will last one day and as you say you will never wear them again.

If your breast are sore with milk because you were bf and had to stop suddenly , speak to your doctor. They used to be able to prescribe tablets to dry up your milk supply but I’m not sure if they still do.

You need to check for lumps in case you are getting mastitis .

I’m assuming that’s why your boobs are sore so apologies if that’s not the case.

www.newlook.com/uk/womens-sale/maternity-navy-layered-nursing-dress/p/536613741?extcam=UK_PPC_CSS_Google_DV_t&tmcampid=152&tmad=c&tmplaceref=CR_288233173867_KW_&_cclid=v3_e03a072d-2617-5a2f-ba30-654184cdb7f3

New look £15

Gap, in the sale - they have a few styles in the sale, and there’s a code for an extra 25% off (or 35% off full price items).

So sorry for you.

Can someone lend you something? I just couldn't wear the dress I wore to mums funeral again.