Dress for my baby's funeral - please help.

[undertheoldoaktree]

My baby's funeral is on Thursday, and amongst all the planning I've realised I don't have a thing to wear.

If I'm going to order online, it needs to be today or tomorrow I'd guess?
Otherwise it's a trip to dreaded Meadowhall and I never end up finding anything when I go shopping.

So as not to drip feed:

I don't own a single black item in my wardrobe except a pair of leggings with a large hole in. I don't own an alternative (ie, not black) smart dress - I usually live in wellies, hoodies and dirty jodhpurs so there's no fruitful wardrobe searching to be done. Even if there was, none of my clothes fit!

I gained a lot of weight when pregnant and my bump hasn't completely gone, so would need a size 14-16 (probably 16 to be on the safe side, I'm capable of taking most things in).

I'm imagining some sort of fit-and-flare, preferably long sleeved. I've no experience of dressing for my new/temporary shape so could be wrong there. Definitely around knee length or longer. I'm having to wear doubled up sports bras as my tits are aching like mad, so no fancy backs or necklines. Modest as possible basically.

Black, but coloured accents/embroidery fine - possibly preferable but I know I'm already asking a lot! The florist has made a flower crown for me to wear and then leave at the end as a wreath, so it should already be "cheered up" a bit.

Also, I'm skint. Like really, really skint, having bought a whole nursery full of baby paraphernalia. So as cheap as possible really - I don't think I will be this shape for much longer, and emotionally it's not something I'm ever going to want to wear again.

It sounds so stupid to be so stressed about something so vain sounding at this point - I guess I just left it way too late. I've never any reason to look smart usually, and I just really want to give my child that respect of being well turned out.

Help, please? There must be something that exists somewhere - mustn't there? I've done a short rudimentary search of ASOS, but can't really manage to look for long because I keep getting upset.

X

My dear I am so so sorry for your loss. I wore my one dark maternity dress to my (stillborn) son's funeral and later (2 or 3 years later) had it made into a memory bear weighted to his birthweight along with other significant clothes. It is a huge comfort to me.

The black for me, in my specific circumstances, is merely a sign of respect. At the hospital, I didn't feel like my child was - due to the language used to describe it - respected as a human being

I’m so sorry you felt like this about some of the hospital staff. Would you like to tell us more about your baby - like his or her name? ( I understand if you would rather not ) .

It will just be me and my husband (and possibly DD who is undecided) for the service in our garden, with the addition of the local vicar for a short graveside

Like a Pp said, you might want to think about inviting a few close friends or family to join with you. It can be helpful to have them supporting you in your loss and marking your baby’s life, however short it was. Even if they didn’t get to meet your child, they will still have had their own hopes and dreams for them and for you as a family.

Just a thought. Of course you must do what feels right to you.

So sorry for your loss

So sorry for your lass. I've been in your situation almost 6 years ago. I brought a knee length black wrap dress from phase 8 with tan birds on it so it was comfy but smart.it was very similar but not exactly the same as this one <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/aclk?sa=l&ai=DChcSEwjm1PDh_4rdAhVEQ9MKHcaVBLAYABABGgJ3Yg&ae=1&sig=AOD64_1nlkFlEzJJllk7J_LL-UWTLU2BEA&ctype=5&q=&ved=0ahUKEwiNv-zh_4rdAhWEJMAKHcNRClIQwjwIGA&adurl=rover.ebay.com/rover/1/710-134428-41853-0/2%3Fmpre%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.ebay.co.uk%252Fi%252F232902150068%253Fchn%253Dps%26itemid%3D232902150068%26targetid%3D359427365517%26device%3Dm%26adtype%3Dpla%26googleloc%3D1006736%26poi%3D%26campaignid%3D797602469%26adgroupid%3D43920634520%26rlsatarget%3Dpla-359427365517%26abcId%3D1063846%26merchantid%3D113709125%26gclid%3DCj0KCQjwn4ncBRCaARIsAFD5-gXoD_una0Hr6fobdKk0vkYvAjshszf0VoTHNtM_0QJrI4mZIIMFiSEaAr3UEALw_wcB" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/aclk?sa=l&ai=DChcSEwjm1PDh_4rdAhVEQ9MKHcaVBLAYABABGgJ3Yg&ae=1&sig=AOD64_1nlkFlEzJJllk7J_LL-UWTLU2BEA&ctype=5&q=&ved=0ahUKEwiNv-zh_4rdAhWEJMAKHcNRClIQwjwIGA&adurl=rover.ebay.com/rover/1/710-134428-41853-0/2%3Fmpre%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.ebay.co.uk%252Fi%252F232902150068%253Fchn%253Dps%26itemid%3D232902150068%26targetid%3D359427365517%26device%3Dm%26adtype%3Dpla%26googleloc%3D1006736%26poi%3D%26campaignid%3D797602469%26adgroupid%3D43920634520%26rlsatarget%3Dpla-359427365517%26abcId%3D1063846%26merchantid%3D113709125%26gclid%3DCj0KCQjwn4ncBRCaARIsAFD5-gXoD_una0Hr6fobdKk0vkYvAjshszf0VoTHNtM_0QJrI4mZIIMFiSEaAr3UEALw_wcB
I have kept it too as a sort of momento I hope the day is as peaceful as it can be. Look after yourself x

Just to add. My boys were cremated and we just had me, oh and our parents as well as 4 of our best friends/siblings who would have been their godparents. Then we had tea and cake at my parents house. I'm glad we had support there but you know the best choice for you x

OP I'm so sorry for your loss, I read your other thread, just want to give you a big hug.

Op, I am so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful idea about the outfits for people in a similar situation. If you have a bereavement midwife or a good relationship with the funeral home they may be able to help you or point you in the right direction (if this is something you would wish to continue with in the future). I think it is definitely something people would donate to. To want to help others whilst you are suffering is incredibly admirable.

I was in a similar situation last year and wore a flowery skirt, navy blue top and a blazer with ballet flats. I haven't been able to wear the skirt again but have kept it safe along with my other precious things.
Sending you a big warm hug x

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. I think the crown/wreath is a beautiful gesture

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope one of the dresses donated is just right for you, we have some lovely members on here.

Don't we just!

I'm eager to do something in September during the day when my daughter goes back to school so will do some figuring about a way to provide dresses. I was expecting my time to be pretty filled, and I'll soon have a good few hours a day spare.

I've seen the memory bears. They are really lovely. Check those out op.

So so sorry for your loss.
If you haven’t already please contact Sands. They were my lifeline. I wore a black maternity dress from ASOS (cocoon style) and then my husband and I both took bright pink scarves for her too. Sending you love and strength xx

No advice OP but sending you love and best wishes. Will be thinking about you on Thursday

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling.
It's not stupid or vain to want to look nice at a funeral. It's respectful.
No wonder you haven't sorted out your outfit yet, your head must be all over the place at the moment. Having to find something to wear must really be adding to your distress, especially if cash is tight at the moment. I hope you find something but please don't focus on it too much or put too much pressure on yourself. The important thing is your presence, not what your wearing.
Although I don't know you, you will be in my thoughts on Thursday.
Love and best wishes, Lizzy x

Thoughts are with you & your loved ones today

All the love in the world to you and your family, you are very brave and kind thinking of how to help others even in the midst of this grief ♥️♥️♥️

Hi everyone,
All the dresses arrived and I managed to wear something that looked "proper" in the end so job done.
Thank you all very much for your kind thoughts and generosity.
I'm now in possession of more black garments than Johnny Cash himself!

I will get the return ones posted over the next few days, and find someone to pass on any people wish to go to someone else who needs them.

The cards in particular were very touching and very much appreciated.

I will reply individually in time with more personal thanks, but felt compelled to let you all know today just how much this has meant to me.

Once again, thank you all so much x

Look after yourself OP. I'm so very sorry for your loss

Hello darling, I just wanted to add to the people saying how very sorry I am for your loss. Be kind to yourself. I hope today helped you begin to say your goodbyes in a way that suited you best.

OP, I'm truly sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love to you, DP, DD and your beautiful baby. X