Hop on, the train is about to leave frumpsville

[DULLDull]

I posted on chat a few days ago about this but thought this might be am even better place.

I am frumpy and I hate it.

I am 45, 3 stone overweight and a SAHM who feels has lost her mojo since motherhood descended 12 years ago.

I want to change so I am hoping to start a thread for any like minded fellow frumps.

I am thinking clothes, hair, make up, diet and style tips in one place to help release our inner goddess.

Anyone care to join?

What I like about capsule wardrobes is that you can wear just about everything together - you're less likely to feel that you have nothing to wear despite your wardrobe being full!

Can I hop on?

I don't feel frumpy outside of work.
I've tried various Instagram bloggers for inspiration but they are all so young, thin and perfect I found it uninspiring.
Maybe I've been watching the wrong bloggers?

My headache is workwear, I have to be well coveredsurprisingly challenging in the recent heat Whenever I buy anything for work I have to check myself before I buy anything. I ask myself is this too young or too old for me? Especially as I'm one of the older people at work.

Recently I lost two stone, if anything I'm on the thin size now but the weight fell off because I was ill. Now I need to find ways to stay slim with exercise and eating healthily.

In short, I'm trying to find a comfortable balance in all things and, by the saints it's not easy.

This has all been 'me, me, me'. I'll RTFT now.

Hi purple Mid life chic is interesting and often features workwear. She’s also in her 50s. The other day she recommended other bloggers that she likes for those looking for blogger inspiration. I also like That’s not my age for her intelligent writing.
I suspect it must have been difficult for everyone in a formal work environment to keep cool recently. How do you decide on your work clothes and have you ever had any help from a personal stylist at a upmarket store?
We celebrated the A level results last night and I have woken up with a massive pot belly after all the wine. I also still can’t exercise due to my heel issue so am hobbling around painfully with the dog looking at me balefully. Why with 4 kids in the house am I the only one who walks the dog?

Thank you @teta, I'll take a look at those blogs.
Congratulations on your DC's A level results.

I've been to the John Lewis personal shopper a few times, with varying results.
The last time I went to find a dress for DD1's wedding and I was underwhelmed by their suggestions.

For work I usually buy from Hobbs/L K Bennett/Boden because their clothes are usually reliably discrete and I know they fit me. I'll add in some pieces from Reiss, White Stuff, Jigsaw and Jaeger, that sort of thing.
I bookmark things I like then wait for an offer or a sale and buy the clothes I like when they've come down in price. We live within easy distance of two good outlet villages, sometimes I'll have a lucky workwear find there too.

Okay so this I DO know about. I work in the media and have had more stylists than boyfriends (no joke). Had a terrible experience at John Lewis personal shopping (although normally I LOVE them). Much better in my opinion to go for an individual who will get your style and needs. If you are based in London or Kent I would really recommend Victoria Genevieve who is AMAZING (found her through friend of a friend). Also CocoMamaStyle (blogger) is also lovely and v good at what she does. I’m all for healthy diet and exercise but good hair/make up and clothes can help you feel AMAZING too. We are worth it!

anyone else get those lovely coarse hairs deciding to suddenly sprout out of chin

Oh yes - I love the way they are not there and suddenly unfurl about 2 cm long, all dark and pubey I have taken to having tweezers in my work bag and handbag just in case one strikes!

Also been drinking celebrating A level results. Have a big party at the weekend so more drinking. Then family visiting early next week, I think I will have to wait until I am back at work at the end of next week before cutting back/quitting the alcohol again.

I hate to admit it, but if I did just one thing to improve my appearance/quality of life it would be stopping drinking. My skin, my barrel shape, my bank balance, my career. All of it.

Soprano laser (which I read about on Mumsnet) sorted out my increasingly hairy chin. Didn’t hurt (unlike IPL and epilators) and doesn’t seem to have caused any pigmentation issues which laser hair removal is notorious for doing.

I always wonder whether personal stylists ever have any real clients. Other than Trinny & Susannah and Gok Wang, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a client before and after. Just selfies on Insta.

My funky joggers have arrived. They're a bit thin so not sure I'll be wearing them out of the house, but they make me feel less boring at home

what I don't know if we're doing this properly. We'll be looking funky at home in our joggers but what happens when we leave the house?

I am very proud of myself. I went out on Friday night and didn’t wear anything black. I also wore wedges and accessories.

(Obviously spent yesterday in PJs, a bit smelly with birds nest hair, but, you know, one step at a time).

Jane - you may have a point

Hoping that you have room for another here. I'm in my 50s, overweight, and in desperate need of a new wardrobe and updated hair, makeup, and just don't even know where to start.

Ooforfoxsake well done. I bet you looked sensational. Arn’t all sundays designated slob out days? They are for us.
I weighed myself every day over the weekend. I discovered wine puts 3 pounds on me overnight. Two days in succession this happened though dh doesn’t believe me. There was a interesting article on My Fitness Pal about the effect of alcohol on insulin production. The worst way to have wine is on a empty stomach. Wheras the best way is with a meal like the continentals. I love having a glass of wine while I’m cooking dinner and I’m just thinking it probably acts like a sugar rush!
Right ambitions for today: no wine & pick up leopard leggings from M&S. Have decided my wardrobe is going to be cost-neutral this year. I will only add items that I buy on my PayPal account which is now over £300. It’s so much work buying.selling,wrapping n dispatching plus answering measuring queries for things that sell for £4 it’s msking me not want to spend it.

Thanks teta. I got horribly drunk.

BUT, had everyone back to mine, in the garden, candles, red wine, music... being in good company and laughing until tears form is, I maintain, nourishing for the soul. (As the Big Mac and litre of coke the next day was restorative).

And without going all ‘hippy sparkly-shit’ that’s my priority with all this. I don’t think it’s all about how we look to the world, or how others perceive us, but putting some thought into ourselves, nurturing us. It’s a good feeling.

Oh and I bought a yello handbag today, inspired by one of your Instagram recommendations!

I was thinking today about how I resist wearing something different and resort back to the same old thing and then I came across this quote which I thought was apt.

I think one of the first things I need to purchase, prior to any new clothing, is a full length mirror. I find that I think an outfit looks okay, and then I see myself in the window or a mirror in a shop and think "Oh my god!! I don't like that at all!"

And I need to go to bed at a decent time. I tend to stay up late and struggle with insomnia, but I haven't really made an effort to settle into a calmer night time routine. Surely I'll look better and feel better with a more regular sleep routine.

Hopping on board.....

I saw a photo of myself yesterday taken at a family bbq on Saturday, shocked and horrified doesn't cover it

I knew I was big but maybe I've been in denial. I lost my husband very suddenly last September and have been all over the place lifestyle wise since. Before he died I'd lost 2 .5 stone at SW then s bit more just after through not eating/organising funeral, finances etc.

I am a classic emotional eater unfortunately. It's a viscous circle and you end up feeling worse in the end. Anyway said photo has shocked me into doing something so back to SW I will go. Don't know how heavy I am I'm
Too scared to get on the scales

I'm 50 in November, have good hair, very thick but coarse and dry needing constant conditioning. Skin not bad not many wrinkles, nails good so s few pluses at least.

Style wise I like harems, boyfriend jeans and blazers, loafers and Superga. I like the Preppy slouchy look.

I'm going to Milan on a short break next week and bring fashion capital if the world I'm
Not looking forward to it from that perspective

Looking forward to hearing other people's stories and tips x

Has anyone had hypnotherapy for weight loss ? What were your experiences? Thanks

Fox I also had a bunch of friends round at the weekend and this is something I rarely actually never do. I have realised the extent to which I compartmentalize my life. Groups of friends never meet. Home/work/friends all very separate. I think it will be good for me to let down some of my barriers.

Jane Thanks for posting that quote - I probably need to post it on my alcohol cupboard/fridge

Ginger I know I will struggle to sleep for a week or so when I stop drinking. What has helped me in the past is buying a nice pillow/sleep spray. Drinking cammomile tea before bed (no caffeine) and swapping screen for reading a book. I read somewhere that every hour of sleep before midnight is worth two after. When at work (tomorrow, sob!) I have to get up at 6.15 so I try to be in bed by 10pm at latest. I also find if I go to bed earlier I eat less...

Saluki Sorry for your loss I hope you have a great time in Milan. I was in Florence earlier this month and it was heavenly. I love Italy. If you are doing lots of walking I wouldn't worry too much about what you are eating, but tell yourself you will get on the scales and make a concerted effort to lose weight when you get home. My friend is a hypnotherapist and says she has had some success with the Gastric Band process where you are hypnotised to believe you have a gastric band.

I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow after three weeks off. I will have over 1000 emails and will probably feel sick with anxiety at some point during the day. But I am a single parent to two university attending DC and have to earn the £££. I think part of this process, once I have made myself less frumpy, will be to tackle my work situation which isn't sustainable long term in terms of my mental health.

happy One of my children always wakes up about 5am, so that's my wake up time. The other goes to sleep around 9pm. So ideally, I should be in bed about 10pm. Never happens.

Ginger Tackle that first then, I bet you will feel better for it. Make yourself go to bed after a quick tidy up after the DC goes to bed at 9. Skincare regime, read a chapter of a book, then off to land of nod

Skincare regime. I don't really do one, other than washing my face with a cloth and water. I think I must have pretty good genes as I get told I look much younger than I really am on a regular basis. I do have some Oil of Olay cream that is supposed to be good for aging skin that I put on when my skin feels dry - maybe I'll be more regular in using that. You'd think my mother having all daughters would have passed on more beauty knowledge but nope.

It doesn't have to be more than 3 minutes tbh, I just meant you can make it part of your winding down process. That's what I tried to do (rather than crisps and wine watching TV) as it's calming and you feel like you are taking care of yourself.

You may have something else you want to do - floss teeth, fake tan, nails, foot cream, meditation. It doesn't matter so much what it is, just that it is something soothing and kind to yourself, and it becomes part of your bedtime ritual. I just think it might help you get to bed earlier.

There are some very interesting points here - sleeping being huge. I’m really, really struggling. Have done for a while. I eventually got up at 3.30am and took half a sleeping pill. It’s getting to the point where I don’t like going to bed. I went after 1am as I was waiting for one of the DCs to get home, but still sleep never came (lavender spray, Lush sleepy stuff, no caffeinate after 12, no screens before bed). I try not to medicate it but will have to eventually reach for the over the counter sleep aids, or prescribed sleep pills.

I suspect it’s something to do with being peri-menopausal (I’m 48) because it seems to come in cycles, and it seems to be followed by bouts of intense and overwhelming anxiety.

I was sleeping better the night of my yoga class, but that seemed to stop being the case. I’m trying to change my mindset to combat the anxiety (it usually manifests itself around dying, and can give me the fear at any time of day - it’s not saved for 3am terrors).

I’m convinced it’s to do with the menopause though. Has anyone experienced similar?

On a positive note, I have ordered every pair of petite jeans from next to try, along with some loafers for my winter look. I’m going for navy with a pop of colour, and steering away from black! I now own a colourful necklace, a new scarf and a yellow handbag. All unheard of for me two weeks ago!