Constant commenting about my clothes

[Tanfastic]

So I like clothes, fashion, shoes, handbags. I do not have expensive taste but I like to look nice and make the most of my (ageing) appearance. Most of my clothes are from supermarkets, sales or H&M. I don't smoke and I hardly drink. Clothes are my thing. I work full time and I have a half decent disposable income......now here's the thing.

There is someone I work with who constantly comments (I mean nearly every single day) on my clothes. Mainly the same comment which goes something like this...I walk into the room, she says bloody hell you've got so many clothes. Then she'll say to another colleague ...."hasn't she so and so...Tanfastic has so many clothes. "Another new top"...(I've worn it before)...more clothes than anybody you...more bloody clothes. Look ok at her so and so...more bloody clothes, so much clobber that one.

Today, I walk into her office....."is that a new top"?

Me..."no I've had it a couple of years"
Her..."not seen it before"

Her...."more bloody clothes than anyone you....more clobber etc etc etc.....on and fucking on.

Every single day for the last two years....

It's pissing me off and becoming boring now. I've tried taking the piss out of her comments....but still she doesn't stop. I've tried ignoring but still she doesn't stop.

Colleague earns twice as much as me. I know her very well and she has the disposable income to buy as many clothes as me but chooses to spend it on other things.

Anybody else get this? How do you deal with it without being rude?

You've perked me up OP. I'm going to wear all my new clothes, perhaps until I've worn it all only once, and the mix and match so it all looks different. Just to stick it to my commenter.
I got the usual, 'you've lost so much weight", I've just dropped a lot of body fat over the past two years and it doesn't equate to a lot of actual lbs. But over two years, it's not a shock, it didn't happen over night.
I might wear something form fitting tomorrow to show it off.

I would ask if she wants some of your castoffs as she's always wearing the same. That might shut her up.

For whatever reason, she can't give herself permission to buy a new top or pair of trousers, and is projecting her insecurities onto you, making her problem your problem. Maybe saying something back to her might make her realise that she is being inappropriate. Good luck OP.

icantcope fgs, the woman is a pain in the neck and I hesitated to call her obese give me a break.

Well I’m wearing a top today that’s two years old cost a tenner in the sale. Not worn it since last summer. If I don’t get a comment I’ll eat my hat....

The cast offs thing is a no no, she’s significantly different in size than me, wouldn’t work but I appreciate the suggestions!

I’m just going to ignore. It’s a small office and any atmosphere makes things very awkward, you wouldn’t win with this woman she’s very manipulative . HR I’m led to believe have her under the radar anyway. I’m gonna ignore and log the comments.

I am waiting OP

WAITING

People like this are annoying, she is essentially putting you down out of jealousy or disapproval. She is goading you into responding with "oh no, not new, had this for years" or "it only cost £10". She has basically manoeuvred you into a position where you feel you have to defend yourself. Every time. This gives her power over you (as feel the need to defend yourself)

Don't. just smile and say "thanks". Never confirm if something is new, how much it cost etc.

People like this are so annoying!

I haven't spotted any fat shaming from op just frustration that her colleague is trying to be mean by constantly referring to op's appearance and op's apparent non-stop clothes buying.

Op come back and let us know what she says today. Or maybe she's a mumsnetter and is too scared.

I think your approach is right Tan.
She sounds like exactly the sort of person who would complain to HR about you if you tried to give her a taste of her own medicine.

It's not directed at the OP, Stealth. It's directed at the poster that said her colleague didn't have the right body shape to experiment with fashion. On further enquiry, it turns out that the poster thinks she's obese.

Apparently fat people and fashion don't mix. How vile.

TBF The OP has not mentioned size at all. It could mean that she could actually be the larger of the two but has good style and knows how to dress well for size.
Maureen could actually be a skinnymalinks but not have a clue on how to look stylish and well dressed.

As I have literally just said above, it was not the OP that mentioned size.

I have handled a similar situation by appearing not to read the message negatively and being full of smiles and thanks.

‘Is that a new top?’
‘Yes thank you so much for noticing it. It is as cheerful as you are etc.....’

Everytime chuck a complement back....

Kill it with kindness.

Alternatively get in there first with the compliment........

No fat shaming from my quarter, I'm a size 14 with massive tits who just happens to like to look nice and make the best of my curves 😂

Well all I got this morning was ...is that another new top and I said nope and walked on 😂.

No further enquiries.

I think next time I'm gonna say "fuck sake Maureen, do you think you are Gok Wan".

What a passive aggressive controlling twat.

It’s like she’s making out that “we/the whole office” think you’re some spendthrift fashion victim and your spending is out of control and a joke when it’s entirely her own little aggressive fantasy.

Definitely in the bullying category if it’s been going on a long time and regularly

You could do the insincere headtilt and say 'you are always so focused on my clothes, would you like me to help you pick out some new things? I know it can be daunting, etc

Sorry Ican'tcope I misread. I agree fat shaming isn't on. In fact when I was overweight I used to make a lot of effort on how I looked and probably looked better than now I'm 'thin' and live in jeans.

Op I know I shouldn't laugh but I did. That would drive me potty if I had it for two years.

What's going on @MNHQ? You've deleted my post calling out someone who is fat shaming, yet the fat shaming posts remain.

I haven't received an email about it.

Maybe they are wondering why you are hovering around looking for something else to get offended by?

Fat shaming doesn't offend you? Odd. It's offensive.

I had a similar situation at work, but it was about what I ate. Every day (and I'm not exaggerating) my colleague would say something along the lines of "do you know how many calories are in that?" "Ooh what have you got today let's have a look" and read the packaging of whatever I was eating if it was store bought. It was relentless. She never said anything to anyone else, or not as I noticed anyway. After about 6 months I plucked up the courage to say "do you realise that you're constantly commenting on what I eat? It's really odd". She genuinely seemed to have no idea and it shut her up. Maybe take that approach if it continues!

I stopped joining my colleagues for lunch as one would ask every day what i was eating. tedious. but with the clothes thing, you can't avoid her in the same way.