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Original poster

Someone said I looked old. How can I look young again?

59 replies

FeelingOldnGrey · 09/05/2007 12:30

My BIL came to visit at the weekend, very tacful man. Not. Anyway, DP was still at work when he arrived. I have not seen him for 8 months when my DD was 2 months old, and I still had the youthful look of a new mother about me. Since then my mum died, I returned to work, am preparing for a wedding and generally being run into the ground.

He said to me that I was looking a lot older than last time he saw me. He said 'dont mean to be offensive, but you do, dont worry I do too' .

Now its not that he said it that upset me, although it did upset me that he felt it ok to say it, as he hardly knows me. But its true, and I think that upset me more.

I am 29, almost 30. I have a lot of grey hair, my hair is limp and scraggly (I am trying to grow it a bit). I have dark circles under my eyes. my skin is quite dry and blotchy and red at the moment, I seem to have developed some lines around my face recently, my skin is generally not in a great condition, I keep getting spots, esp on my chin and they have left marks. I have been breastfeeding my LO, and my boobs have now started to reduce in size as I only BF twice a day now. My hands look really old, skin over my fingers seem dry and wrinkly.

I am getting married in september and really wanted to look good. My DP said I do look good but I know he does not mean it. He knows I am a bit depressed as still getting over my mum and is being nice.

I am not complaining about my life, I have a wonderful life, tiredness is a problem, but no more than for any other mother who looks good. I would just like some advice on how I can make myself look and feel a bit more youthful, plump fresh faced and glowing? I dont necessarily want to look younger than I am, just not to look older than I am.

Any advice?

OP posts:
gegs73 · 09/05/2007 12:41

I'm sorry to hear you feel like this! Very insensitive and rude of your BIL in my opinion to say anything like this to you.Especially when you talk about your Mum and little ones, work and wedding - you sound like a busy lady!

I'm sure you don't look as old as you think. Everyone I know goes through this and if you looked back of photos of yourself in 6 months time I'm sure you would think you looked nice. Your DP also doesn't seem to have a problem with the way you look and says you look good

For an instant confidence booster (well it works for me anyway) why don't you try dying your hair? I get lots of grey and have done from an early age and it makes me feel so much better when it is coloured. Doesn't even need to be expensive or take lots of time, just buy a home kit - I use Clairol Lasting Colour and within 30 mins its done.

Hope this all helps, its abit rambling, but I really would ignore your BIL, maybe he couldn't think of anything to say, or was saying that to you as he had low self esteem himself. Good luck with everything.

MrsWho · 09/05/2007 12:44

Pamper day!

You need a relaxing day, facial, hair done, that sort of thing and you will feel much better and look better for it.

themildmanneredjanitor · 09/05/2007 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belgo · 09/05/2007 12:47

I felt like you a few months ago. Then I went to the hairdressers - and dyed my hair! All the grey miracalously gone - and I felt instantly younger.

As for your skin - drink plenty of water, eat fruit every day and treat yourself to hand and face creams and use them every day.

nogoes · 09/05/2007 12:47

You have been through a hell of a lot. It does take its toll on you and the way you look, I have aged about 10 years in the last 2 years due to sleepness nights, bereavement and worrying about my sister who is ill. If I were you I would do the following, it will make you feel so much better.

Dye your hair, grey hair is too ageing.
Get it cut into a bob, I was trying to grow my hair but it is not worth it, limp and scraggly is not a good look.
Go to John Lewis and get some advice on skincare, it won't make that much difference but it will make you feel better.
If you drink, cut down. Make sure you drink loads of water.
When you get married get your hair and make up done professionally it will literally take years you. Go for a trial run now and have a night out on the day you have your make over.

nogoes · 09/05/2007 12:50

I meant to also add that I am really sorry that you have been going through such a difficult time. Take care xx

DrNortherner · 09/05/2007 12:51

Bil sounds very rude, but maybe we all need a bit of tough love now and again?

OK, first the hair. Get a style and get it coloured. I would suggest a salon rather than a DIY kit. Grey hair ages anyone. Make sure yuo moisturise your face twice a day and slap on handcream as often as you can. Have tubs lying around everywhere and in your handbag. wear a little bit of makeup every day (makes you feel better imo) and buy some nice new clothes.

Not much you can do about saggy boobs apart from surgery but a few good sexy bras will work wonders.

Let us know how you get on.

30 is so NOT OLD!!!!

friendlyedjit · 09/05/2007 12:56

try and spend some time on yourself- whether it be getting someone else to dye your hair- have a girlie evening...buy some products and do some treatments.. and be kind to yourself.
Life can make us all sometimes slightly weary and worn looking even if when it is going well, it can be tiring, and soemtimes those of us who spend time caring don't actually care for ourselves enough.

AngharadGoldenhand · 09/05/2007 12:56

How well do you eat? Take a look at your diet and make sure you're eating plenty of fruit and veg - should help with your skin problems.
You could consider taking a multi-vitamin too.

fizzbuzz · 09/05/2007 13:05

Well, I am much older than you, and also feel I look past it.

However, am on maternity leave at mo, and get up in morning, don't brush hair, or bother with make up etc.

Went to work for a meeting the other day (am going back soon) and put on some slap for first time in about 6 months, GOD, what a difference, I felt much much better.

So my first tip, would be to put on some makeup, I think you will feel loads better!

fizzbuzz · 09/05/2007 13:07

Also, my mum died last year, and I do believe that grief ages you, because it is so wearing.

Your BIL sounds a right * Why don't you comment on his paunch/manboobs/bald patch?

Original poster
FeelingOldnGrey · 09/05/2007 13:07

Thank you soo much everyone.

  1. Water - I dont drink enough, especially as I breastfeed. I also think I drink too much coffee.
2 - Hair - have some dye around but not had a chance to do it. 3 - breasts - not saggy, luckily, just getting smaller. still wearing nursing bra which makes me feel v unattractive in itself!
  1. Eating habits - mostly I eat well. DD has a good homecooked plenty of fruit n veg diet and I try to cook food for the family/or rather DP does. I dont eat red meat so my diet is mostly vegetables/fish/lentils etc. I am partial to chocolate and ice cream and before DD it had no impact on me whatsoever, I am still ok weight wise, just bad skin now!
5 - I used to moisturise but not any more. Just have not found the time. DP usually gets in shower after me/I take DD in with me so no chance. 6 - clothes. OMG, I cant remember when I last bought some clothes! I am currently sitting here typing, with a very large fashionable rip in my very old comfy jeans that happened a few days ago! 7 - alcohol - dont drink very much, bottle of wine or two each week with DP.

So. I shall take from the advice I have been given...

  1. Get my hair dyed. I may just go get my hairdresser to do it. He has been depserate to do it for ages. How often does it need refreshing? am thinking of timings for wedding at end of Sept? Will also get him to reshape my hair again
  2. I will drink lots more water, and cut down coffee as of right now.
  3. I will stop eating ice cream.
  4. I shall buy some clothes. I was going to buy sexy undies for wedding, but wait until nearer the time as I am bf, I know my boobs are likely to change size by then as likely to have stopped completely by end of sept.

Thanks for your advice guys. BIL is a complete git, but I think someone had to say it, better someone I already dislike than a friend!

OP posts:
dontwanttogetoutofbed · 09/05/2007 13:08
  1. sleep
  2. dont listen to what other people say
Original poster
FeelingOldnGrey · 09/05/2007 13:10

I got a little money from my mum's estate, not much, but enough to pay off my significant credit card bill. Maybe I should just use a couple hundred pounds to do my hair, buy some clothes, get some good make-up etc. I just feel quite guilty about not putting it to 'proper' use, like sorting my future out. I think mum would be telling me to sort myself out/drag me to hairdressers/shops herself if she was here...

OP posts:
squidette · 09/05/2007 13:11

just because HE says he thinks you look old doesnt mean you do!

Consider the source

I look older than i did last year. But that is because i am. Looking old isnt the same as looking un-kemp, frazzled and tired. All those things you can do something about without resorting to artifical 'youngness'. Some of the most beautiful women i know are old.

Original poster
FeelingOldnGrey · 09/05/2007 13:12

Dont - I am not very good at sleeping. I get up early with DD. DP tries to give me a lie-in sometimes, but once I have fed DD and she has jumped all over me, I cant get back to sleep. I have tried going to bed early, but then feel guilty as I have so much to do, spend time with DP, organise wedding, clean house, blah blah, you know how it goes. I just get distracted.

I shall make more effort. I needed a kick up the backside!

OP posts:
fizzbuzz · 09/05/2007 13:13

I think that is exactly what your mum would want you do do with it

Original poster
FeelingOldnGrey · 09/05/2007 13:16

Squid - I have been feeling old, before he said it. Not just naturally older. I have always had grey hairs, and they have slowly over the course of the years increased. That on its own never bothered me much. I had a streak and it looked quite cool!
Its the whole deal, I feel frumpy, and tired, and old. Much older than I did 8 months ago, rather than 8 months older, if that makes sense?

I do not wish to look younger than I am, just would like to age a bit more slowly!
I used to always look youthful, and when DD was born, I positively glowed for a good 5 months! I put on a little weight which was good for me, everyone said I looked wonderful. Now I look like poop. I really do!

OP posts:
squidette · 09/05/2007 13:19

If its really you that feels this way, then by all means change it. I just feel sad when people think they should change something because another person opinion becomes truth.

I hope you take the time for you go get a new haircut, feel pampered and some new bits for your wardrobe. And laugh. There is nothing like laughing to feel young, no matter what your age is!

Furball · 09/05/2007 13:22

try cleansing, toning and moisturising just before you climb into bed. I know it sounds a faff but it literally would not take you more than 2 minutes to do it and would make a huge difference to your skin. You just need to find something that you can slot into your life.

Is there time after your dd is in bed to have alovely long relaxing bath with oodles of potions in a few times a week? I always find a bit of 'me' time does wonders for self esteem.

If you go Body Shop they will give you a free facial and show you how and what make up to use. Take note of colours if they are too pricey then trot off and get similar cheaper.

Original poster
FeelingOldnGrey · 09/05/2007 13:31

Squid - I bought some Champneys the other day actually, used almost half of it in a deep deep bath! I might do that tonight, pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs...I would do it now with DD in nursery but could someone coming round to do our kitchen floor in a mo...

I was annoyed that he said it, and quite upset, but I dont really like the bloke, so I thought to myself, why was I so upset, if I dont like him, I dont care what he thinks of me? Thats when I realised it was because he had just said something that I had been feeling, and it made me think, if I feel it, if he thinks it, then it maybe its true. And I got to do something about it now, while I have time before getting married to turn myself around...I might get him 'sorted' out anyway for being so bloody rude tho, eh?

OP posts:
pesme · 09/05/2007 13:35

stop with the nursing bras. go get fitted for a nice underwire, you will feel like a new woman. and do dye your hair. off to dye mine!

Original poster
FeelingOldnGrey · 09/05/2007 13:42

pesme - is it ok to use underwired while I am still BF? I have a couple I wear occasionally to go out, but dont want to damage what little I have for the future!

OP posts:
Pannacotta · 09/05/2007 14:04

Re the nursing bras, you could try underwired - I went back to them after about 15 months of b feeding (was feeding only early morning and night then so only once a day actually wearing a bra) and it does give you a nice shape. If not, how about investing in some pretty/decent nursing bras, some of the Anita ones are nice if you are not huge.
Agree with all the other posts, do take time and money to treat yourself to new hair cut and colour, clothes, skin care etc etc. It does help and isn't superficial and am sure your Mother would approve. It is easy to put yourself last after becoming a mother but not the best way to boost self esteem, esp since you are getting married soon.
Build time for yourself into your routine and pre-book appts such as facial/hair cut and it will soon become a habit that you look after yourself...

thequeenofcontradiction · 09/05/2007 14:05

I agree with ditching the nursing bras - I ditched mine a month or so ago and feel like a new woman. As long as you get properly fitted I can't see it being a problem - My DS is 7 months now and my supply has settled so none of that alternate basketball/deflated feeling.

If your boobs are small ish like mine, you'll get away with just yanking a normal bra down. Don't spend too much money on bras though - the yanking might shorten their life, and anyway like you said you may change size again soon.

It's just SO nice to be able to wear nice matching underwear again!