How about this parka?

[rightknockered]

I like this parka, but don't understand the care instructions at all. It's the only detail stopping me purchasing. I love the colour, the style etc. If I could find one similar but better fabric, I'd be happy.
But how the heck am I supposed to clean this?

Does it not say dry clean on those instructions

It's a bit shapeless, like a big green bin bag

It's not unusual for a coat to not be washable/dry cleanable. Most say apply a damp sponge to stains or something like that. How often were you planning on washing a coat anyway? Apart from a bit of make up on collars, my coats don't get noticeably grubby and any stains I spot clean. I wear enough layers to not get body odour in them.

I think the fabric type is part of the design, it's a throwback to the 80's shell suit tracksuit tops. It's the sort of nasty synthetic that is probably really static and I wouldn't go near a naked flame in it.

It's also about three times more expensive than it should be.