Lost cause - where to start ?

[Marasme]

I need help for 2018, because I look like a walking paradox. I have a fairly high profile job, with a lot of public speaking, and I also sometimes do some TV work - so technically, I'd love to look polished, but fail miserably. I am challenged in a number of areas:

• my hormones have gone crazy. My face is like pizza at least half of my cycle, and super greasy too - this is a new thing that really started 5 years ago. I am unable to stick to any complicated routine - all I do at the mo is use the garnier micellar water on cotton in the evenings (and sometimes mornings) to wipe my face an neck. I don't wear face creams (I've never found one that actually "helped"). I also have spots on my neck, shoulders, back and decolletage. This is gross, and at its worst (when I am super stressed) my good friend has asked me if I had chicken-fucking-pox. I am not on the pill either (terrible mood swing effects that made me even less pleasant than I usually am).

• I look fairly "young" - but I am 37. The young look is because I never graduated from student garb. And the pizza face, of course, which confuses whoever I speak to and distracts them from my wrinkles (only a few, TBF). Looking like a student is not good in my job. It kind of takes away half of the credibility. But I don't want to look like an old woman either, I still feel like a student in my head (ah ah).

• make-up: there is so little to say about this. I wear NONE. I own some, but do not know how to use it, and when I try, I look like coco the clown. I have a Clinique tinted lip balm that I use when I need to look a little bit more interesting (for a better word) - but this fades within 1hour and I would never think of touching it up, ever. I pluck my eyebrows when I remember - which is never. I'd love to know what to do, but I don't. I've tried to look at youtube channels - it's like a foreign language to me. The rare times I've gone to the salon, I felt very awkward there.

• my hair is thinning - I had to chop it dramatically to a chin-length bob to remediate the rat tails (and have grown out my fringe), and have started to look into scarves and headbands. Little problem: I have no idea how to not look like a hobo with scarves, and I have a "big head" - all Alice bands are too short and dig behind my ears :/

• I think I have some OK clothes (loads), but I cannot put them together in an interesting way, and I horde these clothes when they are past their best (a consequence of poorer times when I could not afford any). My go-to outfit is: black skinny jeans, black ankle boots (or converse in the summer), a random T-shirt, and a random jumper on top. I never take time to get ready (I usually wake up late) and cannot accessorize effectively. When I do, I find it mostly impractical / in the way.

I've probably forgotten other pertinent details. I'd love to be able to look more "put together" but cannot get a handle on the overall style thing (and I think I lack the level of interest required to "invest" time and effort in it). What seemed to work 10 years ago just looks like a joke now. I will take any sensible workable advice on how to get out of this bad groove!

Get your colours done before splurging on loads of new clothes. I did mine with House of colour but there are alternatives.

It made shopping so much easier, and saved money wasted on clothes I will never wear. I do look much better in the right colours, but would never have picked those clothes out.

Poosnu will JL do this?
I tried to look at the colour of my veins on my wrist - they do look blue/purple. I am not sure I get the whole thing, so hoping the personal shopper will be able to guide me, and not just pick random good looking items...

I am cataloguing my bathroom product stock - so much there, and I have no idea what to do with it...

ok - my cosmetic, mostly unused, hoard - SHAMEFUL:

cleansing randomness
Garnier micellar cleansing water - the green one - used most days
Simple - soothing facial toner - never use
L'oreal Pure Zone clarifying lotion - seldom used
Clearasil blue lotion - used to use, but very drying

moisturising randomness
Clinique repairwear laser focus serum (?)
Clinique anti-blemish solution, oil free moisturiser - did not like the feel if I remember
Garnier 3-in-1 moisture bomb moisturiser - never really used :/
Garnier hydra match for dull / tired skin moisturiser - used to like, but fell off the habit of using it
Neutrogena pure glow moisturising summer boost for dry/sensitive skin AND combination skin (WTF) - kid myself in using it when summer comes, since I live in a dark corner of the UK
Burts bee day lotion with SPF 15 - felt super thick and sticky
Garnier nutritionist serum - seldom used
Garnier nutritionist face cream for day - seldom used
Nivea pure energy face cream - seldom used

make up
basic cheapo rimmel in black - used on BIG days only
An eyeliner pencil in black - never mastered, looks like I have black eyes
A liquid eyeliner pen in black - never mastered / coco the clown
N7 beautiful skin BB cream in "fair" - never sure how to use
Clinique lip stain balm thing "lucious honey"

other stuff - no idea
Nivea suntouch autobronzing cream - ancient
A green hydrating stick for under-eye - does not leave a colour or stain
clinique under eye cream sampler - sometimes used
Balance me wonder eye cream - never used
A cheek shimmery stick blusher thing - never used
Strivectin SD intensive concentrate

I will be heading into Boots and JL tomorrow. I need an attack plan. I also need to cull before I buy anything else. What should I keep, what should I ditch?

My plan was to buy a oil/balm base cleaner (the clinique one) and an acid toner tomorrow (pixi glow?), in the hope that one of my serum/moisturiser above would do the job. I was not going to get any more / other make-up stuff until I learned how to use the stuff...

If you have the money / are serious, I would book a personal house of colour day where they do your colours, style and makeup in one day, one to one. I know some people don't get on with it, but they should be able to sort you out with a coherent look that suits your colouring, shape and lifestyle, and give you detailed instructions for shopping. They also cover how to raise your "impact" which is useful for public facing /work, how to do smart casual and tons more stuff.

Some people can look in the mirror and see immediately how to put their look together, some of us need a bit of help.

marasme no advice but oh can I relate to you! I have no clue on skincare, no clue on clothes, no clue on makeup, and het work in a fairly senior role and want to look put together!
Shamelessly watching for advice....

Marasme. Your hoard is all too familiar. I had a similar habit of buying anything recommended and hoping that owning it rather than using it would make the changes I wanted to see. That is why, in my earlier post, I said have the make up lessons but don't buy on the spot but walk away and think about it. It's good advice that I need to take myself.

I am currently on a make up buying embargo basis and have been pleasantly surprised by how many nice things I already own when I take the trouble to use them. except for eyeshadow palettes. No one ever had too many eyeshadow palettes

That skin cares mostly low end of the market eg 1000 ways of marketing roughly the same Cream of glycerin or mineral oil emulsion.

No wonder it's not working. I wouldn't use clearasil at any age.

yep - it is. I m a sucker for colourful packaging and a victim to the "owning it will make the difference" belief system.

is the clinique stuff crap as well?

notmenono there are 3 HoC ladies in my city and another 3 further afield (1-2hrs a way). The full package is not cheap at £360 so i ll get a feel with the JL person tomorrow and see how i respond to it.

the HoC ladies are all aged 50-60 - does this matter? sorry if i am being ageist. I have no clue and I have a fear of coordinated bottoms and jacket suits that my mum and her friends try to get me in to be a proper workwoman i lived through a long and prosperous grunge phase, to her despair

For make up go to Bobbi Brown in Covent Garden and ask for Agnes. She's wonderful, the dogs'.

Wow you have a lot of bathroom items!! On the back of each one will be a tiny picture of a jar with a number inside - that indicates how many months you can keep it for until it’s ‘off’. Cull anything that’s old to start with.

I'm about ages with you and not massively into all this 'stuff'. I follow a skincare regime designed by a nice lady in the body shop. Cleanse and then moisturise. I'm not sure you need to spend all that money on Clinique etc.

I use a bit of concealer on bits of my face that are the wrong colour if that makes sense. Put on and rub until blended. I then put on some very light foundation all over and rub until blended. Take a brush with some bronzer on forehead, cheeks, nose and chin (lightly and only in areas where the sun would hit). Some mascara. Some tinted lip gloss. Job done.

I'm not attractive but this makes me look like I've made a bit of effort in a low maintenance way that even I can cope with!

You sound lovely. There was a Roald Dahl quote about loveliness shining through so I'm sure you're looking great too!

I know what you mean but it's definitely not 1980s power dressing, that would be horrendous. If the John Lewis stylist works out well and you wanted more it could be an option, people have spoken well of JL on here. My consultant was in her 40s like me, I think that's quite typical. Some of the stylists have Facebook pages which gives you an idea of their approach.

I know you said upthread your diet is 'good', can you expand on this?

I didn't do the whole personal style day, just a group colour session at around £100. For this the age of the stylist didn't matter. Mine was 40s. She did cover make up a little in the session. House of Colour also do a style day which you could always book separately if you think it would help, but I didn't do this.

I have also done JL personal shopper, and she did help me put outfits together. This was useful. With hindsight though, some of the colours she gave me were not quite right for me and I haven't worn those clothes much.

I wish I had done House of Colour first and then taken my Colour wallet to personal shopper day, for them to follow.

Good luck at John Lewis today, hope you have fun.

I’ve done both the House of Colour colour day and style day and again would totally recommend it. I’m building a wardrobe which finally I feel great in and everything goes together. A bonus is it’s actually give me permission to spend more on my items and everything I have I love. I don’t have clothes which I like but I can’t make work and don’t know why anymore.

I don’t think the age of the stylist matters because when you do the style day you go through a series of questions which end up, in conjunction with your body shape, determining your style personality. It comes from you rather than it being fashion advice so their style personality shouldn’t really affect it. In fact a very experienced (not necessarily older) stylist may even be better.

I will report on the JL session tonight - it's not a great day for me today, woke up with loads of anxiety, which is most likely triggered by my impending return to work on Monday, and the fact that work emails have started to pour in since yesterday. The hair loss is dragging me down too, and I just wish I could rise above it and not let it affect me so much.

@halfwitpicker - diet is good from the point of view that I don't really eat any added sugar (don't really like sweet things) and eat loads of F&V and nuts with good amount of proteins and little processed foods. I track my diet in term of macro/micronutrient composition too. I don't smoke and only drink alcohol at parties or dinners out. My main issue is undereating at work (circa 1200kcal) because of my stupid job and deadlines and meeting-galore, which I have tackled over the holidays - the challenge will be to keep this up when I go back to work, and not to fall back into missing meals mode. Stress totally kills my appetite - I feel no hunger whatsoever.

The diet stuff has to change, hair & nails are what's known as "skin accessory" ie non-essential. If you don't get enough calories into you the body can deprive those areas to focus on keeping you going.

I work in nursing homes & I can tell if a patients been ill in the last six weeks because the nails stop growing. If it's something serious like a heart attack they stop growing completely and there's a horizontal line that grows out when they start again.

Cliniques quite harsh. Soap breaks down the acid mantle on the face, you need that for keeping moisture in. The clarifying lotion has acetone in which is really drying & the moisturisers going to be water & glycerine/mineral oil.

Strip skincare right back.

Organic grape seed oil with Vit e to cleanse. Massage over for about 5 minutes every night. Be gentle especially around the eyes. Remove with a warm damp flannel. Rinse in warm running water or your splashing debris back on the face.

Tone using superdrug Glycolic acid toner, again lightly sweep over. No rubbing or dragging.

Apply effaclar duo moisturiser from la Roche posay.

fluffy I am shocked that there is acetone in toners!!?? bloody hell.

I'll see if I can find the grapeseed oil this afternoon (Boots?) and will get the other two products.

This website is great for both colour and style analysis, tho I do agree it's better to get it done professionally as it can be quite subtle. Had mine done 15 years ago and it made such a difference!

www.truth-is-beauty.com/home.html

Probably mail order. Must be organic

Sorry I meant alcohol not acetone

aaahh - relief re the acetone :)
i have found a bottle of argan oil too yesterday - had forgotten about it. Any good?

Better for dry skin. Or hair.

How was JL?

I return... confused, and poorer of course.

The personal shopper I saw was in her 30s (I guess) and very friendly, smiley. I told her I wanted to focus on the work wardrobe, to get a capsule, and explained about the cold / need to layer etc.

She brought quite a few items in several "goes" - some which were in a much older style that I'd go for (mother of the bride style), others a bit mumsy (dresses with big floral patterns, knit dresses) - we narrowed down the selection to a few classic items, and I left with what feels like a bit of a "safe" selection:

• a classic black jumper which goes with my existing skinny blacks
• a jersey blazer type jacket for work from Whistle - looks classic and the type of things I were day in / day out (my current one is looking v shabby and will go to the bin)
• a hobbs navy trapezey type of skirt with orange / colourful edges - looks a bit more fitted than my usual style and could be useful. I need to buy a jersey type navy top to go with it - not sure what to wear on top, as I do not have a navy jacket (just black) and could not afford an extra navy one.
• a burnt orange silky top that will go with the hobbs skirt, and also black skinnies
• a whistle dress in navy that looks minimalist / deconstructed with a nice open collar - I'd wear this with black tights and black boots - and god knows what on top to keep me warm... I quite look forward to wearing this, as it is more "me" (simple, clean, neat lines, very unfussy - sadly.... £££)

I now need to trawl through my existing set of necklaces and pendant to make a little selection of accessories for the capsule. And then go spend some more £££ in Oliver Bonas on accessories.

I think I have spent more than I would usually "authorise myself" to spend, and in hindsight, could have achieved the same thing on my own on that budget - but I would have huffed and puffed through the stored, and got annoyed with fitting cabins. So it was useful in that way!