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Original poster

Feeling old.. The rites of passage for those with daughters.

62 replies

alliben22 · 19/12/2017 23:27

Just back from a mid-week Winter wedding of good friends. Felt perfectly fine until my almost 15 year old daughter appeared. Of course my overwhelming emotion was pride in how utterly lovely she looked... But is it normal that a tiny portion of me thought " oh crap, I'm suddenly old, fat, wrinkly and unimportant". I hasten to add that I'm happily married and not looking for random male attention... But tonight hit hard for some reason. Am I crackers??

OP posts:
Tantpoke · 19/12/2017 23:40

No you're not crackers it just reminds you of your youth and the fact that you were once as young and beautiful as she is now.

My DD is gorgeous has a perfect heart shaped face, legs up to her armpits, a body to die for, is funny AF and really sharp witty and kind natured.
She keeps me on my toes so I try to keep my weight fairly in check, I also am in the fat bracket size 16, I'm old but not wrinkly and as for unimportant, why do you feel that? That's what strikes me as most unusual in your post OP. Unimportant to whom exactly and why?

Whiterabbitears · 19/12/2017 23:55

I'm the same, DD is 17 and very striking. She's like me at that age so it feels funny to see a younger me walking around, an I've realised that I was pretty once! I'm 36 so its weird sometimes because she makes me feel old but I know I'm not. Its great to have someone to go shopping and for coffee with and she keeps me up to date with fashion and make up, even though I feel I'm too fat to follow it Sad I do know where you are coming from OP though.

ITCouldBeWorse · 20/12/2017 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackdoggotmytongue · 20/12/2017 00:11

Dd1 is17 and very like me, which feels a little odd. She’s got a bigger frame (taller and broader - her dad is a giant) but other than that has v similar looks and characteristics (and we share a truly terrible sense of humour). I actually love that she is just teetering on the edge of her whole life and am so proud of her - she’s in her first year of university and is mature beyond her years.
Dd2 is 14 and my complete opposite - she has a figure like Barbie, blonde hair and blue eyes. She makes my heart ache for all sorts of different reasons - she has a disability and people react to that, not to her warm, sensitive, fiercely intelligent and overwhelmingly vulnerable self.
It’s a conundrum.
Ds1 is on the verge of 16 and frighteningly handsome. I watch all the girls throwing themselves at him and hope his reticence hangs around for a bit longer!

flirtygirl · 20/12/2017 13:51

My daughter is 19 next month and gorgeous. Tall with a lovely figure and beautiful curly hair, used to fall to her bum but now shoulder length as she growing it back after a short hair cut at 17. She is also autistic so never notices the attention she draws. Im fearful and proud if that makes sense.
I didnt feel bad standing next to her until recently as ive put on so much weight, but thats my own bugbear, I can see i was pretty when younger and people say i still am, i get the relatives sayings so pretty and you'd be beautiful if you lost weight, blah, blah.

Its just the feeling of feeling old as objectively im not old, ie under 40 but subjectively, I 100% feel old and tired and past it.

flirtygirl · 20/12/2017 13:51

Paragraph fail sorry

Mamia15 · 20/12/2017 17:08

My DC are in their late teens and are stunningly beautiful - I've never looked that good but it doesn't bother me,.

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 · 20/12/2017 17:31

I get where you are coming from. We were at a wedding in the summer & I felt like I was looking good, but my 14year dd who wore her first grown up dress and had her first pair of high shoes on blew me away. I felt so proud that I had given birth to such a stunning girl, but it did make me realize I'm on the old side of 50

Writersblock2 · 20/12/2017 17:42

I get what you are all saying by I just wanted to chime in and say 30s and 40s is hardly old and I bet you are all smoking! Sure, you might not have the glossy freshness of youth, but there’s something damn sexy about having lived in your own skin. :)

piknmix · 20/12/2017 17:47

My dd started her period on the exact same day I picked up my hrt. I felt old then but am so glad I don't have to contend with periods anymore

Hoppinggreen · 20/12/2017 17:55

My dd is 13 this weekend and is stunning. To be honest I feel it kind f takes the pressure off me to look good as nobody is going to be looking at me anyway!!!
I feel I’ve had my time and although I always look fine I’m not too bothered that she gets the attention now.

dementedma · 20/12/2017 17:58

This year mine graduated, passed her driving test and moved in with her boyfriend. Whew. Triple whammy of adulthood.

neveradullmoment99 · 21/12/2017 13:54

I felt a bit like this when my daughter was ready for her christmas show. She came rushing in [ she is nearly 11] with her stage make up on and wow...she looked effortlessly beautiful as she spun in delight at how the glitter shone under the lights around her eyes. She looked stunning. I felt absolutely so proud of her and the young woman she is growing into. However I felt a tiny bit of sadness as i thought of my youth and how its fading but i do still feel beautiful [ even if it is only sometimes] and my husband makes me feel beautiful all the time. I am 50.

MayFayner · 21/12/2017 15:53

Yes! I have a 16yo DD and when she stands beside me at the mirror I think "oh wow, game over for me" Grin

I go around thinking I look ok- and maybe even good for my age (41)- but seeing my face and body beside hers is a reality check!

Floisme · 21/12/2017 16:08

I get what you're saying and I have a son and no daughters so feel free to shoot me down but I've noticed women (both on here and in real life) can sometimes be overly concerned about what their daughters will think about their style choices. And not in a good way - it seems to inhibit them. They're forever comparing themselves or worrying about whether they'll approve or laugh at them.

I used to feel a bit envious of women who had daughters to talk clothes or go shopping with with. I still do sometimes but I now think there's a downside. My son is gorgeous and lovely but he doesn't give a stuff what I wear or how I look and I think I prefer it that way.

CountFosco · 21/12/2017 17:21

I do get what you are saying (and maybe I'm in a bubble with primary school age children in my late 40s, I've already aged before they have stopped being children) but surely we should be proud of our daughter's achievements rather than their appearance (I know not every poster has concentrated on appearance but most have)? And as older women we have achieved more than they have, they've grown up and are increasingly independent but as children it's more about the promise of their adult life than the actuality of it.

Having said all that I think generally it's those moments when they achieve more than you that are a kind of bittersweet, e.g. the first time DD1 swam a length faster than me at age 8 (she's now literally twice as fast as me).

quirkychick · 21/12/2017 17:31

My dd1 has just turned 12, and I am very proud of her achievements (she's academically doing well at her new school), she's also a lovely person Smile. As to rites of passage... she is managing her own allowance and buying her own Christmas presents this year, stealing my makeup, wearing some of my cast off clothes and probably my shoes soon. She did make a "mum wtf?" comment about me starting to wear red lipstick again, didn't stop her borrowing it twice.

BertrandRussell · 21/12/2017 17:39

I do feel a bit sad that so many people are focusing on appearance. Sad

I wonder what we would be saying if this thread was about our boys......?.

SausageChipsAndCurrySauce · 21/12/2017 17:39

Your DD is a reflection of your younger self, it's not unusual to lament the passing of your youth at certain periods in your life. Reflect in her glory and be proud your DD is so admired and what a fab job you have done Smile

Chocfingers · 21/12/2017 17:43

I think it's sweet how everyone thinks their daughters are stunningly beautiful.

Clayhead · 21/12/2017 17:44

I don't feel that about DS as he looks nothing like I did at 16, I do sometimes feel wistful when I catch a glimpse of DD, she's a young adult, I'm 42 and my parents are the top generation in the family, everything changes.

BertrandRussell · 21/12/2017 17:49

“I think it's sweet how everyone thinks their daughters are stunningly beautiful.“

Grin Yes- it’s very annoying to those of us whose daughters actually are!

Floisme · 21/12/2017 17:57

I don't see it as sad - this is style and beauty so we talk about appearance. It doesn't mean it's all we think about.

Ok maybe it is all I think about but I'm more shallow than most.

And my son is more stunningly beautiful than anyone elses Grin

katymac · 21/12/2017 18:08

Dd has always been better looking than me, from a very early age she drew attention for her looks

I have always felt reassured that she was a nice person, kind and generous and hard working

2 of DD's colleague have messaged me to say how lovely she is to work with; she got the job for her looks but she is making friends with her personality

Do I feel old - yes, is my daughter drop dead gorgeous, also yes, and am I proud of her, hell yes!

MayFayner · 21/12/2017 19:04

I could write a book on DD's achievements!

That's not what this thread is about.

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