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Feeling old.. The rites of passage for those with daughters.

62 replies

alliben22 · 19/12/2017 23:27

Just back from a mid-week Winter wedding of good friends. Felt perfectly fine until my almost 15 year old daughter appeared. Of course my overwhelming emotion was pride in how utterly lovely she looked... But is it normal that a tiny portion of me thought " oh crap, I'm suddenly old, fat, wrinkly and unimportant". I hasten to add that I'm happily married and not looking for random male attention... But tonight hit hard for some reason. Am I crackers??

OP posts:
SausageChipsAndCurrySauce · 21/12/2017 19:30

I think it's more about the passing of youth and ageing rather than beauty.

rightknockered · 21/12/2017 21:30

My dd is 8, so although I can see she is growing up, she is still very much a child and I think (hope) there is still a way to go before she gets there. Ds1 is approaching 15, and most of his friends are girls. It does make me think I should try to make sure I don't look like a middle aged teen. I've calmed down my trainers obsession, and slightly smartened up my act from leggings. Probably not the same thing.
Mostly came on to boast that my children are breathtakingly beautiful Grin

OCSockOrphanage · 21/12/2017 21:51

No spring chicken, me. Do your make up in the harshest light possible, then tone it down, and take your specs off. Instantly you lose 30 years. But my DM keeps standing in front of me in every pic. It's just experience, keep repeating that word.

OCSockOrphanage · 21/12/2017 22:01

I went to a 70th birthday party recently, and thought the grandma-aged ladies looked better than the younger women running ragged with small children, though not as great as those pre family. The older ladies were stylish and assured, and much less harassed.

whataboutbob · 21/12/2017 22:10

I don’t have a daughter but this helping me understand my mother and how she reacted sometimes when I hit adolescence. She herself was always understated in her dress sense. She was very reluctant to allow me anything figure hugging or what she’d have called vulgar. It was easier for her to control me and my clothing than it is for parents these days.

edibleweirdo · 25/12/2017 18:42

My daughters stunning, shell be far more beautiful than ive ever been. I think what makes me sad is that i didnt make the most of my youth and beauty....

allegretto · 25/12/2017 18:48

I feel a bit like that with my 8 year old! She really looks like I did and I recognise lots of her - especially her lovely legs free of blemishes. Mine look so veiny in comparison!

BlueEyedWonder · 25/12/2017 19:44

My DD13 is a beauty - blue eyes, long blonde hair that would be suited to a shampoo ad, a long lean physique (she gets it from her dad) and she looks cool in a slightly androgynous way 100% of the time. She’s sharp and funny and bright and observant.

And I feel immensely proud of myself that I’ve created this beautiful creature, raised her and taught her so much.

I’m 5ft nothing, in my 40s and, this last year, I’ve gone from a size 6 to an 8. When you’re as small as me it shows. My looks are fading but I’m accepting of it and I think it matters less to me with each year that passes.

I’m comfortable in my own skin, I stick to clothes I know suit me and I keep my hair cut and coloured. I run half marathons regularly and sometimes marathons. I think this all helps with my self esteem

hendricksyousay · 26/12/2017 09:53

I'm super proud of my size 6 long legged 14 year old ..it wouldn't occur to me to be jealous of her even though I'm 5 foot nothing and past my best . I'm happy she has taken dh genes and not mine !! 👌🏻👌🏻

Hoppinggreen · 26/12/2017 10:18

Wha makes me sad is that all these lovely teenage girls probably have no idea how utterly gorgeous they are.
I look back at photos of when I was 18 and think actually I WASNT fat ( am now)
I tell DD she looks great but she still has lots of hang ups about her looks, wishes she was shorter and thought she looked “gross” yesterday in her size 6 jeans
I don’t like anything like as great as she does but I’m much more comfortable with my looks, maybe it’s something that only comes with age

IfNot · 26/12/2017 10:30

But..teenagers are essentially children. Hell, people in their early twenties look like children to me! Of course they have lovely smooth skin and shiny hair and no veins on their legs. I think it's a bit odd to compare your looks to those of an un mature kid.
Grown women are beautiful in a totally different way.

Ididnthearanything · 26/12/2017 11:53

I suppose it’s grieving your youth that’s now finished. Normal, I would have thought. We are a youth obsessed culture.

And yes, I get a pang of joy (and also fear!) when I see my DDs looking so unassumingly gorgeous, but mostly I feel hope they enjoy their loveliness a little more than I did. Less angst etc etc.

I also came in to have a little boast about my Titian haired beautiesGrin

GoldenWorld · 26/12/2017 12:10

Such lovely comments on here. I very much doubt my mum thought like this of me as a teenager - I was incredibly skinny, awkward, all frizzy hair, bottle top glasses and horrendous acne, which started at the age of 10. I remember my mother kindly telling me I looked like I had measles and what happened to the lovely skin I had as a child. Hmm Grin I'm 30 and think I look a million times better now than I did when I was 17 so feel sad reading women say they feel old and past it at 40 or less. You're most likely not even halfway through your life!

Both my nieces are, in my completely unbiased opinion, stunningly beautiful children and I'm curious to know what they'll look like as young women.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/12/2017 12:29

At least you have a daughter. Those of us reaching middle age with no children and no career only have our wrinkles to show for our time here. At least you have accomplishments.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2017 12:46

My 15.6yo DD is stunning, tall ( 5'7" and growing) size 6-8 depending on where she shops, lean and lithe (gymnastics) the most amazing hair and lovely teeth ( braces at the moment but they'll come off next year).
She is at the age where she doesn't recognise just howgood she looks though, and wishes she had hair like her BF (sleek almost jet black) whereas BF would like DD hair ( light brown with body) Grin

I notice that she does get a lot of second glances, comments, one bloke blatently asked for her phone number. Mostly they're late teens ( I have an 18yo DS too so I think how he would do a double take look at an attractive young woman) or the double looks from other girls ( I know I will look twice at a woman who is dressed well, has that aura about her etc)

Course DD wears make-up (loads) but in a no make-up make-up look, has ears/cartilidge piercings and sometimes we clash over clothes (but she's pretty laid back, most of the glances she gets , she's in jeans and converse). Usually its "You cannot walk in those shoes" and I'm always right on that one !

DS is stunning ( yes Mothers Biased Opinion here Grin ) tall , angular face, very long limbed and thin, with gorgeous teeth, hair, beard . But his clothes are basically what falls out of the wardrobe , unlike DD.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2017 12:49

Gwen my DSis has no DC (her choice) , she has never called my DC an accomplishment, or any pangs of envy.

HorseItIntoMe · 26/12/2017 17:03

My mum used to seem almost jealous of me when I was a teenager 😔

She’d literally never ever compliment me or say anything remotely positive about me. but my aunties / friends mums / my dad used to say I was beautiful and I never believed them because all I wanted was for my Mum to say it. thought I was ugly. But looking back I was strikingly beautiful masses of long curly hair, tiny and skinny, long legged with huge blue eyes. (Sorry if that sounds big headed)

I’d hate to feel like that about my daughters. I’m 38 and my daughters are 3 and 8 and very cute so they’ll probably be becoming beautiful teens around the time I’m in the menopause !

Anyway I always tell them how gorgeous they are.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/12/2017 17:59

"My mum used to seem almost jealous of me when I was a teenager "

According to some interpretations, this is what the story of Snow White is about. A mother realising her daughter is now the beautiful one and she's relegated to middle aged. The mother appears as a step-mother because that was more palatable to audiences.

Chocfingers · 26/12/2017 20:18

Does anyone on MN have a DD who isn't "striking" or "stunning" 😁

BikeRunSki · 26/12/2017 20:37

I was nearjy 41 when I had DD. She’s only 6 now, but seems to have inherited her father’s tall skinniness. At least I will really be old, fat and wrinkly when she is 16!

Tanaqui · 26/12/2017 20:38

I have sons (stunning, obviously!), and have always wanted a daughter (as well! Not instead of!), but like Floisme, there are advantages- I can wear a primark mini without a teen dd telling me I am too old, or nicking it and looking better in it! But i worry about looking like "mutton" (even though I firmly believe women should wear what they like!), with no dd to "hand over" to as it were. Swings and roundabouts I suppose!

Btw, katymac, your dd really really is stunning!

IfNot · 27/12/2017 11:56

Does anyone on MN have a DD who isn't "striking" or "stunning" 😁
Nope. They are all stunnas.
I would love it if someone came on and said, well..my Dd has a lovely personality and thats what counts. Grin"

katymac · 27/12/2017 13:28

Aw thanks @Tanaqui , I know I am a bit biased but it's nice whem other people agree with me Wink

& remember I was never one of the mummy whose child was an academic genius......and there are quite a few of those too

Can I just say that you are genetically predisposed to like the way your child looks otherwise in prehistory lots more children would have been abandoned, so it makes sense that all us mums think our child is lovely looking

Chocfingers · 27/12/2017 17:21

Oh I like the way my daughter looks. She's short petite, slim and scrubs up nicely. I just don't feel the need to exaggerate and say she's a beaut, stunna or gawjus 😀

Tantpoke · 27/12/2017 17:25

ifnot Grin

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