50 - and lost my way. Help!!

[stringbean]

I've just turned 50 - which is hard enough (don't feel it, don't think I look it either) - have returned from holiday and looked at my wardrobe. It's full of stuff from years ago and I don't know how to go about updating it. My job is a combination of working from home and travel/visiting sites around the UK, so workwear needs to be smart-ish (but not suits/corporate - more trousers & cardi or jersey jacket, which is what I wear - but it's dull). At home I'm in a rut of jeans and boots in winter - also dull.

I'd love to wear skirts a bit more at home, and dresses for work, but just don't know where to start, and never know what shoes/tights to wear. Ideally I need something flat as it's more practical, especially for work, as I'm often on my feet. I probably have enough clothes, but don't know how to put outfits together or 'accessorise', whatever that means.

I'm 5'8, size 12 and have short hair, so feminine flouncy stuff and strong patterns looks completely wrong on me. I'm pretty low maintenance - never really got the hang of make-up so mostly don't bother. I'm just overwhelmed by the choice out there, the blogs where people seem to have so much money (and time! where the hell do they get the time to shop so much???). I'd like to go into one shop where there isn't much choice where I can get help to put a few outfits together and incorporate other bits of my wardrobe. I'm happy to pay a bit more for quality but bitterly resent being charged £100 for a polyester shirt. Anyone else feel like this, or know where to start?? Many thanks if you've read this far!!

Don't think Finery is for me somehow. Too many uneven hems, ruffles, frills, drapey bits. I really need plain clothes (is that structured? Unstructured? I never know what the difference is). Fussy clothes - I don't know, they just look wrong on me. Like I'm dressing up in kids' clothes or something .

Which celebrity do you resemble OP? Are you dark or fair?

Sounds like you prefer a more dramatic/classic or natural style as opposed to girlish/romantic.

Have a look at German & Italian clothing stores (online). The Germans do a great stealth wealth look.

Used to be blonde many years ago - am now mousey with emerging grey . Cannot honestly say I resemble any celeb at all!

I wanted to like Finery too - but just couldn't find the right shape combined with the right fabric in any one item.

However, ruffles and frills are having a moment right now - so even people (like me) who normally wouldn't go near them might wear with abandon. (I bought the most ruffle-y thing imaginable over the summer. Compliments galore.)

I am just a few years younger than you but felt very similar and overwhelmed until recently. I'm not there yet but this is what I've learned

• I had years of not spending any time AT ALL on planning my wardrobe or shopping or trying stuff on and so everything I bought was a last minute panic purchase - often online - just before a trip/event/interview/whatever so my wardrobe was full but I always struggled to create an outfit. And I loved nothing I owned. I got so depressed when faced with a night out or a rare girly weekend away and I had literally nothing nice to wear. And the things I bought were not even cheap so it was a double whammy. So it does take an investment of time. And you do need to identify what colours, shapes and fabrics you like and try to stick to A Plan. I hate polyester so I check every label and reject. I also refuse to buy dry clean only as my wardrobe was full of abandoned clothes that I couldn't be bothered getting dry cleaned. In the end I ebayed tonnes of stuff (tailored workwear that was dry clean only). It's good to clear out and make space for new. (As a side note I read the Marie kondo book).
• You need to like yourself or no matter what you try on you won't like what you see in the mirror. For me this has meant proper excercise and yoga. Agree as above that hair and skin very important.
• Based on what you have said about your preferences (which sound like mine, I can't wear White Stuff clothes either), I'd suggest looking at Hush, Cos, White Company, Jigsaw for some things (irrespective of the 80s thing!), FCUK for the odd thing (and jeans), mint velvet, Me and Em, All Saints (I prefer online as the toddlers working in the shop make me feel ancient) and sometimes Reiss though I find it £££ for what it is
• Finally and this might be controversial on S&B but I have very late in life learned that Sales are not the right time for me to shop. I run a huge risk of buying because it's a bargain instead of buying because I love something. I'm not organised enough to research an item and then stalk/wait for that item (and only that item!) in the Sale. I just end up buying loads of crap that doesn't fit with anything. I am desperately trying to buy far less but put way more thought and love into what I do buy. And to not worry about spending a bit more on each item if I truly love it. This last step is hard and means undoing a lifetime of not thinking I deserve something lovely at full price.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Also I buy knitwear from places like Pure (for cashmere) or Woolovers (work cardies). One cashmere jumper a winter from Pure makes me so much happier than loads of random cheaper knits. And the cashmere washes well, lasts for more than a year (unlike the "fashion" knitwear), and I wear it week in week out so price per wear is very good indeed.

I'm a big fan of Brora. Their stuff looks better in real life than in the pictures, the colors and materials are lovely. No polyester!

stringbean on Zara look up Trinny Woodall on YouTube- she does regular shopping videos where she sniffs out some gems amongst the jumble. As you are tall you will be able to see how things might look- I can only look on with envy as am a short arse

I'm in my 50s and in the same situation as you OP - I feel a bit lost! All these suggestions are really helpful, thank you everyone.

I am in the same boat..realised it when dd commented that people will think I have one Seasalt stripy top and one pair of trousers. I actually have 12 Seasalt stripy tops! Most of my wardrobe is navy and white I realise.
Am going to peruse all these suggestions and get my mojo back. As the username suggests I have no trouble in spending on perfume! Clothes however just confuse me!

One other thing on my list (not yet rectified) is to spend more thought/time/money on things like nightwear, as my nightwear is in an even worse state than my day wear and it's guaranteed to make me feel down if spend 33% of my time looking like a jumble sale. I had got into a habit of relegating stuff I don't really like or stuff that's a bit tired, to be worn in bed. Like old tshirts etc. Whereas I'd love some gorgeous comfy pjs that I feel good in. Same goes for underwear. I need a complete overhaul basically!

Bumble- I thought exactly that yesterday when spotted (and subsequently treated myself) to new pyjamas as was wearing mega comfy but dropping to pieces odd tops and bottoms.
Also agree re sales- I've decided to try and be a bit more capsule-y rather than just grabbing something because it's my size and reduced.

Wow Bumblebzz - do you know me in RL? You have hit the nail very squarely on the head! I do exactly that - panic buying but never feeling that I have the right outfit, nothing seems to go together and I don't know how to put an outfit together from what I have. You're right - it is depressing. Agree with advice here to only buy stuff you love, even if that means buying a lot less (all in favour of that!) - just a question of working out what suits me. Agree 100% with the exercise thing as well - have been working with personal trainer this year, and it has made a lot of difference to my fitness/energy levels; if I'm honest with myself I know really that I am in good shape for 50. (Why is it so hard to admit that??).

I think I do suit the classic/slightly boring look eg. trousers, jackets for work with brogues. It's a bit androgynous though, so I need to find a way to add a bit of colour or slightly feminise it, or maybe wear a skirt of some kind, or risk looking like a bloke in drag (short hair). Not quite sure how I go about doing this. Guess it's off to look at Pinterest again.

However, I have today moved a number of items to one end of my wardrobe that are heading for the charity shop - I don't think it's worth ebaying them (although have had a lot of success last winter ebaying shoes). Will try and go through in more detail over the next few weeks or so.

Interesting that nightwear has been mentioned. I got into bed last night and a button pinged off my nightie (have mentioned up thread about boobs being larger - hey ho) and mentioned to dh I needed something new. Can't wear comfy PJs in bed sadly, as the hot flushes have started, but really need to find something that doesn't look as though I need to keep away from naked flames when I wear it.

Perfume - I'm guilty of the stripey top thing as well!! I think it's an easy trap to fall into .

One of the tips I read somewhere was to base an outfit around one standout piece. I haven't tried this yet - I don't really have anything standout as I am trying to get some basics - but I was reading the leather biker jacket addicts thread and it did get me thinking that if I had a gorgeous buttery soft leather biker jacket even I could probably manage to craft an outfit around it. I think it's finding that "wow" thing. When I was in my 20s I had loads of "wow" reactions to clothes, shoes etc, lately it's been more of a chore and I'd like to get the fun back. Hmmm maybe I NEED a leather biker jacket :)

Perhaps you could look at a leather skirt if you want to branch into skirts but a bit more edgy. Hush website is quite good for ideas on styling as it has tonnes of photos (regardless of whether you like their stuff).

Oh and I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one who shops chaotically and ends up with loads of stuff but nothing to wear ;-)

I know it's not always popular on MN but Biden does do some excellent dresses. I've got one of those ponte long sleeved, slash necked ones for work and it's really flattering - I'm size 12, 5' 9 and mid fifties.

Apart from that I don't do synthetic fibres - Massimo Dutti, White Company and the odd thing from Zara.

Boden! Joe has nothing to do with my wardrobe.

Can you link please?
I've tried Boden a few times but never really seems to suit me

Oliver Bonas is lovely.

@Jakadaal do you know where the grey cardigan is from on your 3rd picture? I absolutely love it!

(Sorry for minor thread hijack, carry on...)

Similar to this - it's heavy jersey

m.boden.co.uk/en-gb/womens-dresses/smart-day-dresses/j0039-pur/womens-chrysanthemum-marisa-ottoman-dress

I got really inspired when I went to a big M&S flagship store in an upmarket area last year. I sat in the restaurant for an hour and it was full of women my age and older all sauntering around in fabulous and quite sexy clothes (obviously not necessarily from M&S!) like complete sexpots.

I live in a university town which is dominated by people in their 20s which, while this is nice, can lead you to feel that looking fashionable and sexy is only for the young. So it was great to see all these super confident older women for a change. It's my preferred M&S now!

Kaybush I'm feeling the love for M&S too, recently. Have you come across the click and collect-type service? I recently ordered a range of sizes and colours, to be delivered to a store. It's a fair distance away, so frustrating to make the journey only to discover thy don't have the right size in stock,

Tried them all on, chose the size to keep (noticing that they didn't have that size in stock and returned the rest for an immediate return to my card. Brilliant.

I'm 50 next year and next week about to start a new job with the Civil Service, where I've never worked before. I'm cycling to work, it's less than 30 mins. So after 10 or more years of no work and part time work (SAHP) I'm starting a new career and being the main wage earner for the first time (partner had to retire due to ill health) . This thread is inspirational!
I'm 5'7'' and about a stone overweight. Small boobs, slim hips (fat tummy). Folowing thread with interest...