Help me, I'm the fat friend :(

[longdiling]

I have a big night out on Saturday with a bunch of lovely but very slim and attractive ladies. I'm a frumpy size 14 with zero style and not a lot of money to spend on clothes. They are all talking about the new tiny little dresses they've bought and are obviously going all out. I have tried on my usual clothes and feel like crying. I look like shit. I want to make an excuse and not go.

Before I do that though, does anyone have any suggestions of any clothes I can buy in the supermarket/on the high street that would be OK for a city night out?

What sort of thing do you want to wear? And which shops do you have access to? For what it's worth, I would cancel and spend the money on lovely things for a night in - but once I get myself into a funk about something there is no shifting it.

Well I think this is the problem. All my friends are tiny size 8s. I know I can't wear what they wear but have no idea now what would work for my size and age. I feel a migraine coming on on Saturday...

Size 14 isn't fat.

I sympathise. I'm not fat and I'm sure you're not either op, but I have a lot of friends who are a size 8-10 and always go out in small dresses with bare legs which isn't my look and my 12-14 frame doesn't suit it anyway. I like my style and I feel reasonably confident but I often feel like I stick out like a sore thumb with them as I wear different things to them. What I tell myself (and I think it is true) is that I have some beautiful clothes, sometimes fashionable, sometimes interesting, hopefully always stylish and just because I don't wear a mini dress with bare legs, doesn't mean I don't look good.
Could you wear trousers and an off the shoulder Bardot top? Still dressy and slightly revealing in the shoulders but not so much that you would feel awkward.

Not sure what aground are op but I remember getting 2 really lovely black dresses in m&s, one was a faux wrap - the other a kinda of empire line swingy number when I was a size 14-16. I'd liken it to a sort of Christina Hendricks look? Curvy/slightly booby and was v pleased with the look. It was years ago but I'll see can I find anything on that line. You don't need to disguise, you need to embrace 😉

Albert, these things are all relative I guess. I feel fat stood next to them. I would never call anyone else fat.

Fuzzy and not2b, thank you for the suggestions! You sound like you have a good sense of style, I've completely lost my way and can't fathom what would work for me now I'm 40.

I'm 42 so I hear you! These 2 were on boohoo

I wouldn't go for a dress if you don't feel confident in yourself. What about black skinny jeans, heels and a nice top?

A bardot top like po said would look nice, i have a lovely burgundy one i wore out a couple of weeks ago. With black jeans, leopard print shoes, a couple of layered delicate gold necklaces and a black leather jacket. Dressed up but casual. (I'm 30)

This may make me sound really old and judgy, but people don't really wear tiny tight dresses out anymore where i go out. And when they do they are usually 16/17 year olds trying to look older. Its just tacky.

I'm all for wearing a nice dress but not really into the 'towie' look (though i do love a good layer of fake tan)

Do you actually like your friends? Are they nice people? Are you likely to have fun and laugh a bit (if you you can put the feeling shite about yourself to one side)? TBH, even if they were dreadful they'd be hard pushed to be more unkind to you than you are to yourself.

I think you should go. Unless you actually don't like them.

I'm desperately trying to slim to get to a size 14! I know it's all relative but please don't put yourself down. What do you feel comfortable in? I'd say skinny jeans & a fitted top with heels & good accessories & you'd feel fab. What are your best bits?

Oh and i'm the fat friend too. Bigger than a 14! But you know what i look shit hot when i go out.
I fake tan (nicely, not orange), always have my nails done anyway, do my make up great and just enjoy it!

Never 'felt' like the fat one, but i am iykwim.

My friends are lovely and would be horrified if they knew I felt like that about myself. You are absolutely right of course mrslettuce, I am far more unkind to myself than they would ever be. Comparison is truly the thief of joy.

Those are nice not2b but I think I would feel conscious of my tummy and my bare legs?! I'm liking the idea of bardot tops and noticed new look have some and are open late so I might squeeze in a visit there after work. This is the issue too, I have no bloody time to shop now!

My burgundy one was from new look. Only about £15 i think and they had loads of colours. Whatever you decide to wear just own it and believe you look awesome!

Confidence is key

Buckeejit, I only feel comfortable in my pjs! My best bits are probably my eyes so maybe a burkha then.

Teal, you sound really well groomed which makes a big difference I think. I'm crap at that too. I've had a few fake tan disasters so daren't go there now. I'm shit at make up too. I was debating trying to get to the hairdressers in the morning for some kind of 'do' though.

If you can stratch to a 'do' that'd be an excellent plan. As much for making you feel nice as anything. Can you do a strong lipstick colour? That makes the whole makeup thing so very easy. Just that, eyeliner and mascara and you're done.

I'm not clear on budget, Could you stretch to this?

What shoes and bags do you have? That's a pretty important consideration.

Can you get to H&M? They will have something cheap in. I agree that a top with jeans and heels will look good, and maybe some fab earrings?
Couple of cheap tops here
m2.hm.com/m/en_gb/productpage.0437548005.html

m2.hm.com/m/en_gb/productpage.0445472004.html

m2.hm.com/m/en_gb/productpage.0435541001.html

this is nice with some black jeans and ankle boots or a skirt and opaques?

or this?

Oh, I meant to link to this one, sorry. I like the shape of the 'wrong' one but it might well be clingy.

this one is nice if you'd prefer black.

How tall are you? I find close fitting black trousers, but which are long enough to go over my high heels down to the ground, make me look taller and slimmer , and a black sleeveless fitted top, gives a long thinner tube like sillohette.

Try asos, they do next day delivery and their clothes can be really reasonable.

Size 14 isn't fat. Stop stressing, sure you're not tiny, but you're really not fat either. Make sure the clothes are body skimming and not swamping uou. Too big always makes you look bigger than you are.

For fake tan, st tropez, some latex gloves, put it on uour arms the night before, wash off next day, light and natural looking and non streaky.

Good luck, you will have a great time. 😍

I know what you mean long, only after I posted them I thought about possible tummy concern. My old wrap dress disguised my belly quite well & I wore it with opaques & knee high boots - that's probably a bit dated now. The trousers and nice top suggestions are great & v forgiving if you're self concious. Heels & bit of bling to Christmas'iz the look?

Did you post this last night OP under a different name? Some good suggestions on there

www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_007020713693_-1
What about something like this with black skinny jeans?

Can I recommend a black jumpsuit, op? I'm a 14-16, large of boobs and hips and none too small of tum, and I swear by them. Much more on trend than a dress, and also much more flattering I find. I can't link but there is a great wrap style on New Look for about £25.

Bet you've got the best boobs though OP

Start now on the beauty regime (I.e brows, nails, tan). Try to objectively think about your best features and take loads into the changing room in somewhere cheapish and go for it. Take pics on your phone.

Have a coffee (or a gin!!) and go through the pics.

I bet you look loads better than you think and remember that your friends love you for being you. I bet you're interesting and kind or funny. That stuff is way more important than being size 8. Remind yourself of this too.

Good luck

Do you need teeny tiny friends who go on about teeny tiny they are?