Summertime...and the Crepeys are easy

[motherinferior]

With much love to BD.

(We are going to county cork btw in frugal manner.)

Had they eaten or were they waiting for you to work your magic?

Of course they hadn't eaten. They were waiting for me. There is now aggressive pan banging coming from the kitchen and a child is being despatched to Tesco for salad.

MrsS, are they totally unaware that in the real
world people COOK THEIR OWN SODDING DINNER???

Herbs - oh god so sorry. At least I had one rationale (largely) parent. But yes dementia is a bitch. Anything I can do please let me know.

MrsS I would not have put money on that bet and you should have swanned in and said I've eaten...., FFS. MI is right (she generally is) are they incapable of surviving without you? Mine have managed..,,

Tesco was shut.

I am sitting on the sofa eating expensive French chocolates, listening to the swearing from the kitchen.

I would not be surprised if he hasn't made any for me.

addle, sorry to crash in but off to Soanish Catalonia next week. Staying several places including Girona and Begur. Any recommendations for must try restaurants or tapas bars - or gorgeous and not too packed seaside places - very gratefully received!

BD, thinking of you tomorrow. Glad you got some crepey wit, wisdom and cheer today.

Herbs, that ain't no friend. You poor thing. I am sorry.

Home tomorrow. I have a sort of job interview for something I applied for as Packing avoidance strategy. Haven't done one for ages, possibly last century. What do I wear?

Well done you Lalsy, getting an interview sort of by mistake!
What you wear depends on what sort of job.... what is it?

MrsS, you should've had that sodding burger, I wasn't joking you know.

Sending all good wishes and much love for today, BD. I hope it goes as well as possible

Mrs S, your family is beyond belief. I hope you are taking yourself out for a very nice lunch on your own.

Must make breakfast, as I fell asleep before supper appeared last night so am starving.

MrsS did you get anything to eat?

Herbs if there is any way I can help let me know.

Thinking of you today, BD.

Lovely day in London, isn't it. I am off to Ireland clutching my cardie and waterproof...

Thinking of you today, BD.

Lovely day in London, isn't it. I am off to Ireland clutching my cardie and waterproof...

I'll be thinking of you today BD xx

herbs so sorry about the situation with your DM and DDad. Very distressing and little one can do. However as far as the friend is concerned, this is adding unnecessary stress when you're already feeling vulnerable. She has no right to attack you that. Best not to engage with the detail of her complaints. Once you come back at her she'll just find another criticism. Tell her clearly to back off. That her help is much appreciated but her criticism isn't.

Happy hols MI and monty

I am still in bed. DH got caught in the southern rail misery last night and it took him until nearly 10 to get here. I don't know how regular commuters cope with it all. Off to see Half A Sixpence today at Chicester

Thinking of you today, BD

Unbelievable re supper, although I can visualise it perfectly, Mrs S.

Herbs, that's a horrible day. Be kind to yourself today and take no heed of interfering neighbours. I think, no matter how much you do, it's a bit of a no win situation and it can never be enough. Big hugs...

Here, we have mil for the weekend, first time for ages, so I'm planning on taking her down to dads for tea and cake!

Good luck Lalsy; does it have to be a suit type interview or is it more trousers and soft jacket? I have a lot of work clothes going spare at the moment

It's a good thing I set off early. Some rather crucial bits of London Underground are shut...

Herbs, do you remember my mother's friend who drove me to frequent tears over my mother's eating? I so feel for you. It's a similar way of trying to 'solve' an issue which is in fact insoluble. And the carers are doing their JOB. And incidentally you have a job and commitments too.

Well, indeed. I did think of you, MI, and your tales of 'helpful' aunties, etc.

She's been a very good friend to the parents over the years, and visits them,,brings them shopping etc etc. But I have never asked her to do this. Part of her diatribe yesterday was that the gang of friends can't help out as much as they had, use to eyesight problems, etc. Fine, lovely that they've helped, etc, but I have never asked them to. The carer doesn't like her, either. She just pops in unannounced, with 'helpful' comments about dads trousers, and then to see whether any action has been taken on said trousers.

The 'giving the carer s break' thing is because it's in her contract to have two hours break a day. Since mum's been in hospital she hasn't been able to leave dad for that amount of time. 'Friend' had come in to sit with him, but there had been a bathroom 'incident' which put her off! We're trying to find casual care agency to cover the two hours, but without success.

All she sees is that we're not 'there', not the hours of phone calls, loads of admin, accounts, worry, wrangling with doctors etc. Then says that 'when I was ill, my daughter dropped everything to come and look after me'. Well, bully for her.

A lot of it is projection. A few months after marrying her landed gentry husband, he had a stroke and she spent the next 25 years nursing him. She didn't need to work, as he was loaded. So there's a large elect of 'I did it, so now you have to'.

< end rant >

And much love to lovely BD.

And to all the crepeys. You have all been such an amazing resource of support, fun and advice, I honestly don't know what I'd have done without you all.

BD - much love to you today. Lovely to see everyone last night. I did get food - grilled halloumi, salad (from garage - who knew?) And potato wedges.

Herbs, thinking of you too. What MI said - you have your own life too.

In S&B news I have bought a mascara deal duty-free: three (3,iii) Clinique Lash Powers (little tubing ones) for £32. And have identified next red lippie purchase.

Stansted is not the worst experience of my life but it's not what DD1 would call Prestige.

BD, my thoughts are with you on this difficult day.

Herbs, ignore, ignore, ignore family friend. I hope you can get some relief care sorted out for your DF. I think it is a daughter's lot to feel guilty about ageing parents, particularly when you're miles away, I know I did. I still feel guilty about DDad even though it is over 20 years ago: it's ridiculous, of course, because we all do what we can, bearing in mind that we are juggling so many other things as well. I am glad that DP stepped up to the mark when you got home.

MI, Bon voyage! Have a lovely time in Cork.

I have sent a briskly informative email to all the parents' 'friends', informing them of all relevant information. This should a) stop them hassling/worrying, and b) put them in their box regarding whether we're 'doing enough'.

To add to my woes, I'm feeling rather lonely on the friend front. I want someone to say 'come out with me tonight and let's have fun', but nobody has. I have asked a couple of people, but no reply as yet. Don't want to seem desperate!

MI - Stansted is very far from 'prestige', but does have a rather excellent shopping area. Though I had less time than ideal to browse, as I and my bag were searched three (3, iii) times at security en route to Italy.

Just back from a few days away visiting DH's (nice) brother in Suffolk. Had a lovely time & far too much wine!

BD - Thinking of you.

Herbs - my sympathy for you. All those years ago I well remember 'friends' of my DM trying to tell me what to do. You just have to ignore them.

I've read the first of the Neapolitan novels & nearly lost the will to live by the end & don't give a monkey's what happens to the characters. I just could not engage with them.

Just how I felt MM! Couldn't give a toss. Written, or translated, really badly.

Are they the Elena Ferrante ones?

Hope all is going well today, BD - your descriptions last night were very moving.