Choosing between your face and your figure

[MissAlabamaWhitman]

I think I've hit this particular fork in the road sadly.

I've always been 5'8, around 9stone 7 and an effortless size 8-10.
Since turning 32 a year ago I've sprouted Ecup boobs, a flabby tummy, fat arse and put on at least ten pounds.

Having said that I look much younger than my years, even more so after gaining weight and edging ever closer to a size 12.

I don't mind so much, I'm hardly overweight.

I'm just not particularly slender anymore and irrespective of my smooth face I'm not sure how I feel about this. I think my overall softer bodied appearance cancels out the relative youth of my face in any case. Sometimes

Is this just something we all go through in our early thirties or thereabouts or should I move my fat arse and do some bloody exercise/stop eating shite/ buy some vitamin c serum?

Exactly crystal it is much easier for a woman to achieve a figure of a magazine than for a man to do the same.

Never seen a copy of Men's Health then

Er yeah, its preoccupation is health, fitness, getting a buff gym body etc, not so much specifically with ageing which was my point.

And do you think a Men's Health type physique is more attainable for men than a Vogue body is for women? Personally I'd say they're both equally unachievable for the average Joe and Jane. Different kind of pressure.

That's why I think your statement 'if women were not judged so much on their appearance they would be less concerned with losing their looks, just as men are not.' is untrue. Men these days are more looks obsessed than ever.

Men are more concerned with looks than they have been in the past, but not yet to the level of women, because women are still judged more on their appearance.

Which is why there's a dearth of older women on tv and in film, why men can go on being male leads until they're quite old and playing opposite much younger actresses etc.

To clarify, I meant that men are not so concerned with losing their looks as women, not that they are not concerned at all. I maintain that if women were judged less on appearance, they would be less concerned with losing their looks.

Some individual men are very vain, but in general there's less preoccupation with appearance than women have and are expected to have.

Which is why there's a dearth of older women on tv and in film, why men can go on being male leads until they're quite old and playing opposite much younger actresses etc.

This is a total travesty - I don't see how anyone can deny it. It's a vicious circle as well because how can everyday women worry less about their looks when we get this constant message in the media - but filmmakers aren't going to see the light any time soon, so the message gets more deeply embedded.

However, I don't think coming on here and berating women for feeling the loss of their looks (or their figure) as they 'age' - in what is clearly quite a minor way, compared to other preoccupations they no doubt have in their lives - is all that helpful. It only puts people massively on the defensive, understandably.

Hmmm....

Not many women agonise over their height though do they?

It's perfectly acceptable to be 5 foot nothing if you're female.

There's judgement and inherent expectation on both sides.

I'm seven years older than my partner, I'm also two inches taller.
Those two inches raise more eyebrows and incite more comments than the seven years do.
Consequently my OH hates me wearing heels (still do though) and I value my youthful appearance.

Swings and roundabouts really.

However, I don't think coming on here and berating women for feeling the loss of their looks (or their figure) as they 'age'

Which I haven't done. Where did you get that idea?

It's acceptable to be short if you're a woman, but fat - not so much.

Today's men hit the gym a lot harder than my Dad's generation for instance. They care about their clothes, getting a beer belly, wrinkles and looking good. Dh works in an all male practical trade environment and they discuss this type of thing all the time.

It's not acceptable for anybody to be fat these days.
Don't be disingenuous and pretend it's still a feminist issue. It's 2016, Naomi's had her day I'm afraid.

Some do, but then 67% of men and 57% of women in the UK are now overweight or obese.

There's a sort of polarisation between the people eating healthily and going to the gym, and those overeating and not exercising enough.

Yeah and usually people overweight are paired together unless the woman is using the man for money. Not that many women desire out of shape and overweight men do they?

Don't fall for the trap of thinking that because you're older, getting fat will make you look young.
Yes it will plump your face out (in a 'there are no wrinkles on a balloon' kind of way)

But there is nothing attractive or young about being over weight and unfit.

I would rather be fit, slim and energetic - all youthful attributes, with maybe a few lines, than an overweight, bloated blimp.

Also, if you pile on the pounds as you get older, you will lose your wais, develop a matronly 'bosom' and clothes won't look as good on you

Thick waist + matronly bossom = old, even if you do have a very round, unlined face.

Looking youthful is an 'overall' look.
It's the whole package, from top to bottom -
Not just your face.

No point having a young looking face if the rest of you - shape and clothes looks like a matronly, overweight frump.

Where did you get that idea?

Well for me, What are you afraid of? did sound quite patronising, whether you intended it that way or not.

I actually agree with a lot of what you're saying. But I also agree with Dowager. Let's berate the social mores that try and tell us you can only look good if you look young and are a size 8; not women who look in the mirror and wonder what the hell's happened.

Ironically it's not acceptable for anyone to be fat, and yet more people are more fat than ever.

Fat is still a feminist issue but it's also a masculine issue.

lose your waist.

'Which is why there's a dearth of older women on tv and in film, why men can go on being male leads until they're quite old and playing opposite much younger actresses etc.'

I'm not going to argue with you on that score. It is ridiculous and ageism is definitely more of an issue for women. But male preoccupation with appearance is definitely on the rise.

I watched an episode of Geordie Shore and the 20-something (straight) guys on that are having their eyebrows threaded, full bodies waxed, tanned, the whole nine yards.

In terms of the OP's original question, well you're still slim even with the extra ten pounds. So if it flatters your face keep the ten pounds and start doing yoga or pilates, it will streamline your figure. Best of both worlds.

I think women are moving towards wanting to be fit as in 'toned, strong and fit' as opposed to merely being 'young and slim'

I'm pleased. I think aiming to be strong and the best you can be is goo way of aiming to be attractive.

Health and Vitality is youthful.
That's what we should be aiming for -
not scoffing cakes purely to plump out the face.

Cheers crystal, that's my plan

(Finally remembers which board I'm on )

Flo - It wasn't intended to be patronising, I ask myself the same thing.

Ok

As for expectations on men, what I'm about to say is entirely anecdotal but from watching and listening to my son, his friends, my nephew and my niece, I would say that yes, some young men are indeed very interested in their appearance. My nephew probably spends longer in the bathroom than anyone I know.

But only one of them actively worries about how they look - and that's my niece.

Gosh, this thread has moved along since I went out to my Pilates class! If I lit the blue touch paper, I won't apologise. Like Flo, I'm almost 60, and I don't look the way I did when I was 35, but the clothes I bought then still fit (a bit tightly around the waistband, if I am honest) but I could wear most without serious embarrassment.

And yes, men are concerned about appearances; DH is very touchy about his hair loss and girth.

My face is ageing: I sometimes like it, and accept it. Sometimes I want to turn the clock back,but there's no app for that. Occasionally, I even lurk on the Botox threads, but I don't fancy being that high maintenance.